I thought men didn’t care how much women make..

[Anonymous]

I don’t get it either. I’m a woman who does well in general but not great for DC. I always supported myself just fine on my income, saved for retirement, never had any debt. I never cared what a man made when I was dating. I mean, I might have thought someone making below 50k would need to be awesome dad and primary caregiver material, but everyone I dated made between 50-100k when I was dating in the early 2000s in DC. I settled down with someone in grad school who was making zero money. If they are destitute or have insane debt that might matter, but otherwise no. I think people have forgotten how to be human, they date online, have a checklist, etc. It’s really crazy. I always just went by attraction and how well we worked together, had a similar life view. It worked out great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On our second date, my husband asked me if I planned on having a big career. I said I wasn't sure, watching the women at work around me working long hours. I was having my doubts if that's what I wanted. He offered me an engagement ring six months later. We've been married for 30 years. I've never had to work unless I wanted to. I worked for some years, and then became a SAHM. Now retired. I manage my stock portfolio online, and do my own thing. I have no regrets. You ladies can work for the man, I'll take care of my man.

Careful not to trip over all of that condescension. Perhaps you're feeling a little insecure about the choices you made or you wouldn't feel the need to lash out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it either. I’m a woman who does well in general but not great for DC. I always supported myself just fine on my income, saved for retirement, never had any debt. I never cared what a man made when I was dating. I mean, I might have thought someone making below 50k would need to be awesome dad and primary caregiver material, but everyone I dated made between 50-100k when I was dating in the early 2000s in DC. I settled down with someone in grad school who was making zero money. If they are destitute or have insane debt that might matter, but otherwise no. I think people have forgotten how to be human, they date online, have a checklist, etc. It’s really crazy. I always just went by attraction and how well we worked together, had a similar life view. It worked out great.

I agree. I never cared how much a man made unless he can’t sort himself or has massive debt.

I make 150k but I have zero debt, max out my 401k and Roth IRA, and still save about $20-40k a year for a savings fund. I own my own condo and live within my means. I’m not materialistic and don’t spend money on things I don’t need. I live comfortably.

[Anonymous]

OP - you are doing great for someone who is only 27! These two guys are just idiots and are looking to be supported by a woman (maybe lost their own jobs).

And I don’t know who they date but very few 20 smth women in DC make even 150k.

Men sometimes ask me as a first question what I do (on dating app). I respond I’m a government contractor eg likely don’t make much. I actually make 350k but I don’t tell about my side business

So you should do the same - don’t go out with people who seem to be too interested in your income . Do video interviews instead of real life dates to avoid disappointments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men don't care and some men care. It's an expression of their views on gender roles. I would say that men who don't care are more alpha.

Make no mistake, the men who do care have as many (if not more) gendered expectations. They just want the woman to bring in an income at the same time.

Hard pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men don't care and some men care. It's an expression of their views on gender roles. I would say that men who don't care are more alpha.

Make no mistake, the men who do care have as many (if not more) gendered expectations. They just want the woman to bring in an income at the same time.

Hard pass.

So you'd rather be a kept woman so than at least you know what he is paying for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men don't care and some men care. It's an expression of their views on gender roles. I would say that men who don't care are more alpha.

Make no mistake, the men who do care have as many (if not more) gendered expectations. They just want the woman to bring in an income at the same time.

Hard pass.

So you'd rather be a kept woman so than at least you know what he is paying for?

Not PP but men who look 50/50 don’t understand the value of non-financial contributions and sacrifices of women in marriage . They are actually labor moochers
Hard pass

[Anonymous]

On our second date, my husband asked me if I planned on having a big career. I said I wasn't sure, watching the women at work around me working long hours. I was having my doubts if that's what I wanted. He offered me an engagement ring six months later. We've been married for 30 years. I've never had to work unless I wanted to. I worked for some years, and then became a SAHM. Now retired. I manage my stock portfolio online, and do my own thing. I have no regrets. You ladies can work for the man, I'll take care of my man.

I love people who come online crowing about how happy they are (and truly, good for them), but feel the need to punch down at the same time. It's such a bad look. We do not envy you PP. We're too busy earning money and also enjoying happy relationships.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t men care? Women do..

[Anonymous]

[code]Not PP but men who look for 50/50 don’t understand the value of non-financial contributions and sacrifices of women in marriage . They are actually labor moochers
Hard pass

This PP is correct. Men who are sniffing around early for a woman's income potential do not recognize or actively disregard what every woman knows: that she will dedicate more time and domestic labor to the family than most men. So he will push her to earn money and "not see" the work that has to be done at home (and also will usually not do it).

Look I'm a female physician and the breadwinner so the point here isn't to argue women out of the workforce. But these guys are duds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men don't care and some men care. It's an expression of their views on gender roles. I would say that men who don't care are more alpha.

Make no mistake, the men who do care have as many (if not more) gendered expectations. They just want the woman to bring in an income at the same time.

Hard pass.

So you'd rather be a kept woman so than at least you know what he is paying for?

Not PP but men who look 50/50 don’t understand the value of non-financial contributions and sacrifices of women in marriage . They are actually labor moochers
Hard pass

Not in my marriage. Perhaps you should have been smarter about how you pick your partner. They are perfectly capable of doing everything you think you must do for them.

[Anonymous]

Not PP but men who look for 50/50 don’t understand the value of non-financial contributions and sacrifices of women in marriage . They are actually labor moochers.

Hard pass.

This PP is correct. Men who are sniffing around early for a woman's income potential do not recognize or actively disregard what every woman knows: that she will dedicate more time and domestic labor to the family than most men. So he will push her to earn money and "not see" the work that has to be done at home (and also will usually not do it).

Look I'm a female physician and the breadwinner so the point here isn't to argue women out of the workforce. But these guys are duds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men don't care and some men care. It's an expression of their views on gender roles. I would say that men who don't care are more alpha.

Make no mistake, the men who do care have as many (if not more) gendered expectations. They just want the woman to bring in an income at the same time.

Hard pass.

So you'd rather be a kept woman so than at least you know what he is paying for?

Not PP but men who look 50/50 don’t understand the value of non-financial contributions and sacrifices of women in marriage . They are actually labor moochers
Hard pass

Not in my marriage. Perhaps you should have been smarter about how you pick your partner. They are perfectly capable of doing everything you think you must do for them.

I agree with you, but statistics don't. Your husband is unusual and congratulations, you chose well. But the majority of men don't step up in that way, which doesn't make the majority of women "bad pickers".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? Why shouldn't they care?

Even if you're done raising kids and paid for college and all of that, perhaps he wants to travel and do things that cost money. He doesn't want to foot the entire bill or stay at home because you can't afford it. It makes sense to care.

I’m 27.

Do you care how much your partner makes?

Yes and no. I care that he makes enough to care for himself but I don’t care if he makes 100k versus 300k.

This is short sighted. If you want to live around here and have kids, you are going to need a LOT more than $200k

[Anonymous]

-men don’t care about how much a woman makes
-men assume all women are gold diggers

Which is it 🙄 either I make my own money and you’re intimidated or I don’t make enough and I’m a leech. Make up your f***ing mind.