Are there any other parents like us?

[Anonymous]

Ugh, OP, I was with you as part of a dual PhD couple with kids in public school until you started with "the other families at school can't afford to do the things we like."

Can you really not figure out how to enjoy great food and host conversations about deep topics without spending a ton of money? Hosting people in your home, feeding them, and going beyond small talk is one of the top forms of social life in some cultures (e.g. coming from a post-Soviet context in my case). There are also backyard campfires, happy hours, and picking up pastries to picnic in the park. It doesn't have to be travel and fine dining.

You just sound snobby. I sometimes worry about judgment from my kids' wealthier school friends because we are much more MC than UMC, and this is what it would sound like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live?

Good luck getting this answer, the original post is lies.

OP here, we’re in Gaithersburg and I promise I’m a real person and not a horrible snob. I’m just really tired of being in groups where everyone bonds over living the same type of lifestyle and always being the odd woman out.

The only thing I’m judgmental of is people being snobby about their kids and schools being better. I grew up poor and feel very lucky and grateful to have money now. I would just really really love to feel like I fit in somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TLDR but most people who can afford to give their kids the best do it. Why make your kids suffer for no reason?

OP. I think my friends’ kids who feel like sht bc they didn’t get into the top school, who are exhausted trying to keep up with all their elite commitments, who are addicted to phones, who are struggling with anxiety and depression are the ones suffering.

My kids have a happy and healthy childhood and are both academically advanced without the pressure.

[Anonymous]

“We feel strongly that they are stupid”

Read what you wrote again. You’re quite judgmental. Maybe you don’t get along with people for another reason.

Dh and I have friends from all different backgrounds. We always find common ground somewhere. If you can’t find anyone like you, it’s a you problem.

[Anonymous]

It's odd how you describe yourself out of the gate as an achievement machine but then go on to decry achievement-based parents, OP. At least be consistent. I'm not a fan of parents who treat their children as academic sparkle ponies to show off for self-reflected glory, either. But I would never lead with my accomplishments. I wouldn't lead with myself at all, because that would be hypocritical. And trying to find deep parent relationships in the DMV is like finding a unicorn. People there exist to get ahead for themselves. They don't care about anyone else. It's a narcissistic, vainglorious place to live. A hard place for the humble.

[Anonymous]

What is MC vs UMC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound truly insufferable. That is the real issue here.

This is it.

You are VERY judgemental. People can feel that. You'll have a hard time making friends in any community.

[Anonymous]

Do you smoke weed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“We feel strongly that they are stupid”

Read what you wrote again. You’re quite judgmental. Maybe you don’t get along with people for another reason.

Dh and I have friends from all different backgrounds. We always find common ground somewhere. If you can’t find anyone like you, it’s a you problem.

OP. We find common ground too, but not deep connection. I would love at least a couple friends who share my parenting philosophy so I don’t have to bite my tongue about this pretty significant part of our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound truly insufferable. That is the real issue here.

This is it.

You are VERY judgemental. People can feel that. You'll have a hard time making friends in any community.

OP, I don’t have a hard time making friends, though. We have lots of friends, but the different values about schools/parenting are always like a wedge in the background. It would be nice to have a couple really close friends like us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TLDR but most people who can afford to give their kids the best do it. Why make your kids suffer for no reason?

Go away.

[Anonymous]

This thread is about feeling different and trying to find friends, regardless of whether OP is a troll or not.

On that level, I get it. We are a multi-national family, non-US educated, and we do not neatly fit into any American or immigrant category, because my husband and I between us have four distinct cultural backgrounds.

And yet we have found our friends. Some of them are crunchy middle class American liberals, some of them are more centrist or libertarian, and the rest are various NIH/World Bank/Embassy internationals with their own unique backgrounds. None of them have the specific cultures and values we have, because that would be impossible.

The people who are different, by upbringing or choice, OP, are the ones who need to stretch a little to find their friends. Your friends will also have to stretch a little to understand you, and find common ground on certain things. You will not find common ground on everything, even if you meet someone you think is exactly like you! Differences will emerge eventually.

As for your specific dilemma: my kids are in college and high school, and I've seen the outcomes of a wide range of parenting styles. You need to be more tolerant of methods you don't yourself embrace, OP. You'll see in the end how it works out for everyone, and you might regret shutting out entire groups who had slightly different priorities. It's perfectly possible to befriend and get along with parents who don't have the exact same priorities and disposable income you do. The outcomes depend not only on family educational investment (in time and effort, not just cost of tuition), extra-curricular participation, but also on the presence or absence of special needs and level of IQ. And many other things besides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live?

Good luck getting this answer, the original post is lies.

OP here, we’re in Gaithersburg and I promise I’m a real person and not a horrible snob. I’m just really tired of being in groups where everyone bonds over living the same type of lifestyle and always being the odd woman out.

The only thing I’m judgmental of is people being snobby about their kids and schools being better. I grew up poor and feel very lucky and grateful to have money now. I would just really really love to feel like I fit in somewhere.

Lol you grew up poor and live in Gaithersburg. So you’re with your people already. What’s the problem?

[Anonymous]

Plenty of people like you (maybe less snobby) here in close in silver spring. We specifically chose here and not bethesda or Kensington for a less intense experience for our family. Also lots of our good friends have at least one parents who is an immigrant which helps add perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both doctors and have a lot of friends who are MC and not in the rat race.

You just need to be more discreet about how much money you make. It isn’t great for your kids to grow up with unlimited disposable income anyway.
Also, make more black friends. This is probably easier to do in medicine than law or finance, but my black friends tend to be more cognizant of how privileged their kids are.

I'm Black and kind of understood where OP was going until they got into the anti-woke part. WE don't want to hang around that family either 🤣