Are there any other parents like us?

[Anonymous]

We like all the same things you do and want the same for our kids. But I don't really like to hang out with people who give the vibe you're giving off. I like chill and down to earth people that I can relax with and have fun with. You sound judgy and like you think you're superior to a lot of people. Not someone I like being around. Maybe take a look at how you're coming across and see if that's part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both doctors and have a lot of friends who are MC and not in the rat race.

You just need to be more discreet about how much money you make. It isn’t great for your kids to grow up with unlimited disposable income anyway.
Also, make more black friends. This is probably easier to do in medicine than law or finance, but my black friends tend to be more cognizant of how privileged their kids are.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, to follow up on previous post, it may also help to make non-American friends, they will tend not to worry about virtue signaling, especially if they are not considered white. But also, you really need to chill out about private school parents.

We not only opted for public, we also opted to stay in the city, rather than moving out to suburbs, but I don't go around bragging about it. Whereas we have no regrets, it certainly has not been easy.

[Anonymous]

TLDR but most people who can afford to give their kids the best do it. Why make your kids suffer for no reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are educated professionals. We both have careers we're passionate about and have found nice, balanced niches in typically intense fields (think finance, law, etc). We like travel, great food, arts & culture, hosting other families, and great discussions about deep issues. We love trying new activities and going new places.

It seems like literally everyone else in our cohort (i.e. people we work with or went to school with) are organizing their lives around sending their children to "top" schools (usually private), helping them become achievement machines, and networking with other families in those schools. They do sometimes complain about the admissions processes, how expensive everything is, how the schools expect extra time and money beyond the crazy tuition, how annoying it is to keep carting the kids around to their activities. But they would never consider living any other way.

We feel very strongly that the point of education is not to reinforce socioeconomic inequality or fight for your kids at the expense of others. Rather, the point is for all kinds of kids to go to school together. Thus, we go to a regular public school even though we could afford private or an exclusive school district. We're also balanced on activities - nothing too intensive or expensive, and kids have time to play outside, help out at home, etc. People are polite about it but clearly think we are weird and/or wrong. We also try to be polite about their choices, but also feel strongly that they are stupid - (a) because education should not be used as a tool to get your kids "ahead" and (b) even setting that aside, elite pressure cooker environments are not good for kids' mental health.

It feels like we can never have real relationships with people like us because we are diametrically opposed on such an important issue. We're not picking fights with anyone about it, but the friendships remain more distant because this kid achievement treadmill seems like such a central part of everyone's identities.

Meanwhile, the families we meet through our school really don't have much in common with us. They can't afford to do the kinds of activities we enjoy doing, they aren't into the same things, and again, we're polite, we hang out, but there isn't a deep connection because we're too different. (I feel like they also believe that the intense "top" schools are better, and probably would go there if they could afford it.)

We are not very liberal and actually really don't like woke culture, because it's a lot of pointless posturing. We thought a lot of the anti-racism movement was focused on symbolic gestures and overfocus on race at the expense of actually tackling the root issues of economic inequality. Our politics are more centrist and common sense. So I'm not sure that virtue signaling white liberals are our people either.

Is there anyone out there like us? Are we just doomed not to have any deep friendships? Why is it so weird for educated UMC families to just want a regular childhood for your kids playing with all kinds of different kids, being challenged but not overwhelmed, being happy, and not focusing on being the best or going to a "great" school?

Good for you op, sounds like your kids have a good balance and get to have a childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We like all the same things you do and want the same for our kids. But I don't really like to hang out with people who give the vibe you're giving off. I like chill and down to earth people that I can relax with and have fun with. You sound judgy and like you think you're superior to a lot of people. Not someone I like being around. Maybe take a look at how you're coming across and see if that's part of the problem.

I agree with this. You seem to think it’s your way or the highway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both doctors and have a lot of friends who are MC and not in the rat race.

You just need to be more discreet about how much money you make. It isn’t great for your kids to grow up with unlimited disposable income anyway.
Also, make more black friends. This is probably easier to do in medicine than law or finance, but my black friends tend to be more cognizant of how privileged their kids are.

Snobs of any race don’t really peak my interest…would rather connect with more down to earth, humble people.

[Anonymous]

There is a middle ground. Many well-educated and well-off parents (myself and DH included) had 100% planned on public schools and slowly became disenchanted or even alarmed by what they saw at public school. We sent DS to a very small and cheap church play based daycare morning program for socialization, followed by a very crunchy liberal preschool where diversity, inclusion and the natural world were major components of the program. So far, so good. Then came public elementary.

You are either lucky and have your kids in a decent public that looks nothing like ours, or you just aren't paying attention. Mine went through the first couple of years barely reading (mostly guessing), which I supplemented at home. Then came writing, or rather... the lack of writing. I never expected math to be challenging, but the program is a full grade level behind FCPS Virginia state standards. We became by supplementing a little bit at home, and also sending him to a center for math which he LOVED. But as time went on it just became too much, time and money wise. We are not at a parochial school where they learn to write, read, and spell. We expect to still supplement with math. That doesn't even touch on the behavioral concerns and classroom management issues at school. Teachers and districts have their hands tied when it comes to discipline. There's no sending Jimmy to the principal's office the way it was done when you and I were attending school. Now Jimmy gets to take a walk, run around school, pick a couple of special snacks, and go back to class when he feels like it.

[Anonymous]

I was going to say that whatever you are like, there are parents like you. And in this case, we're also highly educated, professionally successful parents with kids who don't do a lot of fancy extracurriculars or go to private school. But we live in Capitol Hill, where that's pretty standard. If you are in Chevy Chase or McLean, the vibe might be different.

[Anonymous]

Oops, correcting typos here -

Anonymous wrote:There is a middle ground. Many well-educated and well-off parents (myself and DH included) had 100% planned on public schools and slowly became disenchanted or even alarmed by what they saw at public school. We sent DS to a very small and cheap church play based daycare morning program for socialization, followed by a very crunchy liberal preschool where diversity, inclusion and the natural world were major components of the program. So far, so good. Then came public elementary.

You are either lucky and have your kids in a decent public that looks nothing like ours, or you just aren't paying attention. Mine went through the first couple of years barely reading (mostly guessing), which I supplemented at home. Then came writing, or rather... the lack of writing. I never expected math to be challenging, but the program is a full grade level behind FCPS Virginia state standards. We began by supplementing a little bit at home, and also sending him to a center for math which he LOVED. But as time went on it just became too much, time and money wise. We are now at a parochial school where they learn to write, read, and spell. We expect to still supplement with math. That doesn't even touch on the behavioral concerns and classroom management issues at school. Teachers and districts have their hands tied when it comes to discipline. There's no sending Jimmy to the principal's office the way it was done when you and I were attending school. Now Jimmy gets to take a walk, run around school, pick a couple of special snacks, and go back to class when he feels like it.

[Anonymous]

Where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both doctors and have a lot of friends who are MC and not in the rat race.

You just need to be more discreet about how much money you make. It isn’t great for your kids to grow up with unlimited disposable income anyway.
Also, make more black friends. This is probably easier to do in medicine than law or finance, but my black friends tend to be more cognizant of how privileged their kids are.

Snobs of any race don’t really peak my interest…would rather connect with more down to earth, humble people.

Is this the OP? I guess I’m not sure what you are looking for. I thought you wanted to find successful adults who were raising their kids in a more relaxed manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, to follow up on previous post, it may also help to make non-American friends, they will tend not to worry about virtue signaling, especially if they are not considered white. But also, you really need to chill out about private school parents.

We not only opted for public, we also opted to stay in the city, rather than moving out to suburbs, but I don't go around bragging about it. Whereas we have no regrets, it certainly has not been easy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live?

Good luck getting this answer, the original post is lies.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of smug sanctimonious parents like you all over the dmv. Their reasons are just as crappy as yours.