found empty bottles of alcohol in teen's daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here--thanks they are empty bottles or half drunken so not supplies for a coming party. I immediately thought that they may have been leftover from a gathering but she has not had once recently and i was in her room a few weeks ago and did not see them then.

I'm going to talk to her to see what she says. We have had open communication about alcohol, I'm aware that she drinks at parties and that is fine with me but drinking alone or on a regular basis is not.

They are party supplies. Teens will take half drunken bottles to a party and continue to pour from them -- absolutely! Why would you think they wouldn't? And they keep the empty bottles to re-fill later. And it doesn't matter how long ago the last party was -- they are keeping the alcohol on hand for the the next one. Teens are NOT throwing away alcohol.

Obviously just talk to her -- but as sure as I'm sitting here, they are party supplies.

Thanks, I'm hoping this is it but do teens bring home cans of almost empty spiked seltzer cans? (think similar to diet coke cans). No way to really close them when they are open so I would think it they would be difficult to carry around. I'm trying not to overreact and again don't have a problem with her experimenting with drinking but would want it to be in a social setting not drinking alone. Hopefully I can find out more when we talk.

I just posted asking if they were cans or bottles. now that I see you clarified they are cans and not bottles I’m afraid that she is in fact drinking in her room. People don’t generally transport and save/not discard open, mostly empty cans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--thanks they are empty bottles or half drunken so not supplies for a coming party. I immediately thought that they may have been leftover from a gathering but she has not had once recently and i was in her room a few weeks ago and did not see them then.

I'm going to talk to her to see what she says. We have had open communication about alcohol, I'm aware that she drinks at parties and that is fine with me but drinking alone or on a regular basis is not.

It is not fine for a 16 year old to be drinking. Now that you have found her stash, you understand why. I am sorry, but you are going to have to get your head out of your behind quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here--thanks they are empty bottles or half drunken so not supplies for a coming party. I immediately thought that they may have been leftover from a gathering but she has not had once recently and i was in her room a few weeks ago and did not see them then.

I'm going to talk to her to see what she says. We have had open communication about alcohol, I'm aware that she drinks at parties and that is fine with me but drinking alone or on a regular basis is not.

It is not fine for a 16 year old to be drinking. Now that you have found her stash, you understand why. I am sorry, but you are going to have to get your head out of your behind quickly.

+100

[Anonymous]

OP, given what you described you are right to be concerned she is drinking alone. It sounds like she is drinking for stress release during exams or to fall asleep. If that is not an indication of a current problem it may predict the start of one. It’s not okay, whatever these other posters say, particularly if you have any family history of addiction. You need to talk to her in a non-confrontational and compassionate way and possibly get her help
for a drinking problem that is worse than either of you want to admit. Trust your gut. There is a reason your first thought was that she is drinking alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might have had them in her backpack from the weekend and then stashed them in her closet bc she needed to use her bag and forgot about it. I’d honestly probably not say a word for a few days and check on her stash to see if it starts diminishing in the absense of social plans - it’ll give you a better idea if she’s drinking alone

How do you even carry almost empty cans of alcohol in your backpack? That makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

I would worry that she’s filling up water bottles with vodka and taking it to school. I know that has been a problem in APS.

[Anonymous]

I have an almost 16 year old and can not fathom having the attitude you do about teen drinking, OP. This is a problem for her, clearly. You can either brush it off or deal with it. Do you want to risk ignoring that she's developing a serious, life-altering addiction just because you hope these were party supplies and don't want to upset her? There is a difference in having open communication about alcohol and condoning it, which is what it appears you are doing. You have very little time here to act, I would do it immediately. I hope you can talk to her, this should terrify you.

[Anonymous]

I was a teenager in the early 2010s and am now the guardian of 2 teenagers (my much younger siblings) - experience on both sides of this one, because I definitely drank as a teen but never alone and never at home, but as a guardian I want the kids to drink less than I did if at all. I try to be realistic & not reactionary - teen drinking will probably happen, but it should be rare enough to not be habit-forming, if it is done in ways that break the law it is essential to understand the potential consequences, and ideally don't drink around people you don't really trust (large parties are a really risky setting).

If it were me, I would find the fact that it is half-empty cans -- not bottles -- to be the most worrying factor. Those are difficult & impractical to transport once open, so I really would worry that she's drinking alone in her room. All teenage drinking is risky, but drinking alone is often considered a stronger red flag for current or developing alcoholism. Especially if she's drinking to deal with stress or to help her sleep, these would be reasons that worry me far more than if she's drinking with friends at parties because "it's fun" or it's "what people do" or similar. Realistically, neither is great... but the first set of reasons is more likely to lead to an emotional (and potentially later a physical) dependence on alcohol, which is particularly dangerous.

OP I would really advise you to do your best to have an open & non-judgmental talk with her about what is going on and why. Once you understand the situation with your DD you can select any next steps as appropriate to deal with however serious the problem is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a kid in recovery I can tell you first hand that it's not too young and kids suffering drink alone all the time. Our kid did the exact thing at the same age and it was a lot worse than we thought. It doesn't matter what their grades are, it doesn't matter if they are in sports.

Get your kid treatment and forget everything else until they are healthy. Like any addiction, they will hide it, they will blame others (it's my friends, it's from a party etc. We kept finding bottles all the time, and until we sought treatment did we finally learn about how bad it was and it got worse. Eventually they took their treatment seriously after we put up firm boundaries.

Thankfully our kid is living a sober life today and there were times when it didn't look like this was possible after multiple visits to the ER.

+1 I had a freshmen college female roommate that was an alcoholic. She drank alone, in her closet. And vodka all the time. It wasn’t partying- it was that she did it alone, daily. You never would know from her outward appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would worry that she’s filling up water bottles with vodka and taking it to school. I know that has been a problem in APS.

+1

[Anonymous]

Is this 16-year old driving ?!!!?!!

[Anonymous]

If you feel comfortable, OP, could you report back after you speak with your DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 year old DD is usually responsible for her own laundry and room but with APs and exam week, I figured I would help sort her room out before prom weekend. I found bottles that look like regular seltzer but filled with vodka in them and 6-8 mostly empty spiked seltzers in her storage room. I would be less upset if she had friends over recently or a party but she has not. Does this mean she is drinking alone in her room randomly? That is terrifying to me and not sure where to proceed from here. Will clearly talk to her but not sure she will be honest. I can't believe I missed signs if she has a problem. She has numerous leadership roles at school, straight As, and wakes up early to go to school for various commitments. I've had zero indications of a drinking problem. Would appreciate any advice or steps to take other than just talking to her.

My mom confiscated my booze while I was at school and we never discussed it. I knew I was busted, and she knew I just wanted to throw an awesome party. I was not a problem drinker or closet drinker, just like being the party hero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 year old DD is usually responsible for her own laundry and room but with APs and exam week, I figured I would help sort her room out before prom weekend. I found bottles that look like regular seltzer but filled with vodka in them and 6-8 mostly empty spiked seltzers in her storage room. I would be less upset if she had friends over recently or a party but she has not. Does this mean she is drinking alone in her room randomly? That is terrifying to me and not sure where to proceed from here. Will clearly talk to her but not sure she will be honest. I can't believe I missed signs if she has a problem. She has numerous leadership roles at school, straight As, and wakes up early to go to school for various commitments. I've had zero indications of a drinking problem. Would appreciate any advice or steps to take other than just talking to her.

Alcoholics are really good at hiding the empties. She is a party girl, not a closet drunk.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you everyone, I am definitely taking it seriously. I talked to her and she said that she was absolutely not drinking alone and that the cans were left over from when friends and/or boyfriend have been over.

She has not had a large gathering lately but has had individual friends (1-2 at a time) over at different points the past few weekends. We talked about drinking rules and boundaries, health consequences. I'm not going to just accept her word blindly but will continue to monitor room, behavior etc. DH and I will talk about consequences tonight.

Some posters noted that I was blase about her drinking at parties. I think it is a very delicate balance bw completely forbidding something and talking about how to drink responsibly at parties. I'm still figuring out the right equilibrium--I do not want to go the extreme of how my mother grew up. No drinking, no dating, etc bc I felt like I had a tougher time figuring out parameters in college and I lied to my mother about everything.