found empty bottles of alcohol in teen's daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here--thanks they are empty bottles or half drunken so not supplies for a coming party. I immediately thought that they may have been leftover from a gathering but she has not had once recently and i was in her room a few weeks ago and did not see them then.

I'm going to talk to her to see what she says. We have had open communication about alcohol, I'm aware that she drinks at parties and that is fine with me but drinking alone or on a regular basis is not.

They are party supplies. Teens will take half drunken bottles to a party and continue to pour from them -- absolutely! Why would you think they wouldn't? And they keep the empty bottles to re-fill later. And it doesn't matter how long ago the last party was -- they are keeping the alcohol on hand for the the next one. Teens are NOT throwing away alcohol.

Obviously just talk to her -- but as sure as I'm sitting here, they are party supplies.

Thanks, I'm hoping this is it but do teens bring home cans of almost empty spiked seltzer cans? (think similar to diet coke cans). No way to really close them when they are open so I would think it they would be difficult to carry around. I'm trying not to overreact and again don't have a problem with her experimenting with drinking but would want it to be in a social setting not drinking alone. Hopefully I can find out more when we talk.

[Anonymous]

As a parent of a kid in recovery I can tell you first hand that it's not too young and kids suffering drink alone all the time. Our kid did the exact thing at the same age and it was a lot worse than we thought. It doesn't matter what their grades are, it doesn't matter if they are in sports.

Get your kid treatment and forget everything else until they are healthy. Like any addiction, they will hide it, they will blame others (it's my friends, it's from a party etc. We kept finding bottles all the time, and until we sought treatment did we finally learn about how bad it was and it got worse. Eventually they took their treatment seriously after we put up firm boundaries.

Thankfully our kid is living a sober life today and there were times when it didn't look like this was possible after multiple visits to the ER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 year old DD is usually responsible for her own laundry and room but with APs and exam week, I figured I would help sort her room out before prom weekend. I found bottles that look like regular seltzer but filled with vodka in them and 6-8 mostly empty spiked seltzers in her storage room. I would be less upset if she had friends over recently or a party but she has not. Does this mean she is drinking alone in her room randomly? That is terrifying to me and not sure where to proceed from here. Will clearly talk to her but not sure she will be honest. I can't believe I missed signs if she has a problem. She has numerous leadership roles at school, straight As, and wakes up early to go to school for various commitments. I've had zero indications of a drinking problem. Would appreciate any advice or steps to take other than just talking to her.

I could imagine that she said - hey I have a place to store them that my parents will not look at - give them to me and I will make sure they get to the next party.

Options - empty them and refill with water - Surprise!
Take them, dump them

She will lie to you about what they are - get ready for some great story telling.

A question for you is - what are the consequences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks, I'm hoping this is it but do teens bring home cans of almost empty spiked seltzer cans? (think similar to diet coke cans). No way to really close them when they are open so I would think it they would be difficult to carry around. I'm trying not to overreact and again don't have a problem with her experimenting with drinking but would want it to be in a social setting not drinking alone. Hopefully I can find out more when we talk.

No - kids do not save these. She is drinking alone.
You are right to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks, I'm hoping this is it but do teens bring home cans of almost empty spiked seltzer cans? (think similar to diet coke cans). No way to really close them when they are open so I would think it they would be difficult to carry around. I'm trying not to overreact and again don't have a problem with her experimenting with drinking but would want it to be in a social setting not drinking alone. Hopefully I can find out more when we talk.

No - kids do not save these. She is drinking alone.
You are right to be concerned.

Fun story - I had a party once in high school. Like 6 months later, my parents pull out their suitcase to pack for a trip and it's filled with...a bunch of empty beer cans. Unbeknownst to me, someone at the party had just stuffed them in there (our storage room with the suitcases was adjacent to the basement where the party was). Talk to your daughter...

[Anonymous]

She probably had friends over who were sipping on those spiked seltzers and they stashed the evidence in her room. Or she brought them home from a party or someone left them in her car and she hid them in her room rather than throwing them away. That seems more plausible to me than she was drinking alone.

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting that your main worry is she's drinking alone in her room. But you seem unconcerned with her drinking in general. This is why being permissive about teen drinking is challenging. She will of course tell you some story that supports her doing what you have said you are okay with...her drinking with her friends socially at age 16. (Don't think you should be so blase about that, but your call.) And so you are kind of stuck here with no great resolution.

You don't really have any way of knowing and now need to at least be suspicious she is drinking alone in her room. I would be doing regular unannounced room checks and also making sure I see her late at night to assess if she seems like she's been drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's probably just very prepared for Prom weekend. I really doubt she's drinking alone in her room.

You doubt it because ….?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the others, it’s doubtful she’s drinking alone. These are leftovers from a party, or stock for an upcoming one.

Did you read the part where she had about 6 empty bottles in her closet? And the OP said she hadn’t had any friends over recently or parties.

Do you think she brought about six empty bottles home from a party to save for the next party? These are seltzer bottles. I would assume she’s got into a habit of drinking before bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the others, it’s doubtful she’s drinking alone. These are leftovers from a party, or stock for an upcoming one.

Yep. This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, our kids bring home their left-over party supplies after every party. They usually bring them to the next party, even if the next party isn’t for several weeks. I don’t think it’s a huge cause for concern yet. But definitely talk to her - and make sure you explain why you were in there to begin with so she doesn’t think you were ‘spying.’

Meh to 16 year olds carrying around alcohol?!?! This is for sure a cause for concern.

[Anonymous]

She might have had them in her backpack from the weekend and then stashed them in her closet bc she needed to use her bag and forgot about it. I’d honestly probably not say a word for a few days and check on her stash to see if it starts diminishing in the absense of social plans - it’ll give you a better idea if she’s drinking alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks, I'm hoping this is it but do teens bring home cans of almost empty spiked seltzer cans? (think similar to diet coke cans). No way to really close them when they are open so I would think it they would be difficult to carry around. I'm trying not to overreact and again don't have a problem with her experimenting with drinking but would want it to be in a social setting not drinking alone. Hopefully I can find out more when we talk.

No - kids do not save these. She is drinking alone.
You are right to be concerned.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might have had them in her backpack from the weekend and then stashed them in her closet bc she needed to use her bag and forgot about it. I’d honestly probably not say a word for a few days and check on her stash to see if it starts diminishing in the absense of social plans - it’ll give you a better idea if she’s drinking alone

I honestly don’t understand these odd scenarios people are creating. She didn’t go to parties or have friends over recently according to her mother. If there was a party why would she bring empty soda bottles home with her that are either empty or almost empty? Why not rinse them out at the party house, why would she take them home? If for some reason it was her responsibility to get rid of the bottles from the party why not recycle them after washing the alcohol out.

The only logical explanation is she’s drinking in her room. This is a potentially serious issue and it’s not helpful to wait to find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 year old DD is usually responsible for her own laundry and room but with APs and exam week, I figured I would help sort her room out before prom weekend. I found bottles that look like regular seltzer but filled with vodka in them and 6-8 mostly empty spiked seltzers in her storage room. I would be less upset if she had friends over recently or a party but she has not. Does this mean she is drinking alone in her room randomly? That is terrifying to me and not sure where to proceed from here. Will clearly talk to her but not sure she will be honest. I can't believe I missed signs if she has a problem. She has numerous leadership roles at school, straight As, and wakes up early to go to school for various commitments. I've had zero indications of a drinking problem. Would appreciate any advice or steps to take other than just talking to her.

Are these cans or bottles with screw on tops? If cans, and they’re “mostly empty” then she probably is drinking in her room. It’s not that easy to transport mostly empty cans since you can’t cover/reseal them.