How to deal with overly materialistic teen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oof...you.need to take the phone away for awhile, no allowance, make her volunteer and get a job and pay you back for the missed therapy session

This. Get this in check asap

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Stand your ground, OP. But she has to go to school. Take away her phone altogether if she refuses to go to school or therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at “ she won’t hand over her phone”

WTF OP.

+1. OP’s child has no fear of her parents this is the problem. If asked for my child’s phone and it was not given, I’d call and have the service disconnected. I’d also refuse to drive them anywhere but school and change the wifi password. I’m not saying they never argue or back talk, but they know there is a line. Mom doesn’t play and the kids know it.

[Anonymous]

OP- She had a full neuropsych evaluation, so she does have inattentive ADHD. School refusal is something we've struggled with in the past, but she's been doing really good lately since we've medicated but this situation set her off and she did not go the next day, so we cut her data off and didn't let her go out with friends this past weekend. She refuses to do anything when she's upset/angry so she is in therapy working on that and her emotional regulation skills. She did act remorseful this morning though, and apologized for screaming at us. Our main dilemma is whether to keep pushing her to get a job. She's very social and isn't anxious about a job, but just has not had that kind of responsibility yet and is a little immature for her age due to her ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll post. No one gives their kid a couple hundred dollars a month as an allowance starting in eighth grade. Right?

We don't, but my DD's friends from the wealthy neighborhoods certainly do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- She had a full neuropsych evaluation, so she does have inattentive ADHD. School refusal is something we've struggled with in the past, but she's been doing really good lately since we've medicated but this situation set her off and she did not go the next day, so we cut her data off and didn't let her go out with friends this past weekend. She refuses to do anything when she's upset/angry so she is in therapy working on that and her emotional regulation skills. She did act remorseful this morning though, and apologized for screaming at us. Our main dilemma is whether to keep pushing her to get a job. She's very social and isn't anxious about a job, but just has not had that kind of responsibility yet and is a little immature for her age due to her ADHD.

Sounds like a lot of excuses for the radical behavior tbh. Cut the allowance, only purchase the necessities for her, don’t focus on the job for now but on tamping down the materialism. What does refusing to go to school even look like? Does she go limp and refuse to move, like a toddler? That doesn’t track for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at “ she won’t hand over her phone”

WTF OP.

actually, lost me at "couple hundred since 8th grade." An 8th grader with several hundred dollars per month. OP created this. It's not really fair to expect DD to conform 100% to whatever behavior it is OP wants today. After years of teaching DD otherwise.

+1 this exactly.

[Anonymous]

Why are Americans so obsessed about making materialism into something negative?

[Anonymous]

This will escalate if you don't address it. Trust me been there and in it now. My kid dug and refused a job last summer and we cut off allowance. Wanted to get a job they wanted for the summer but refused to look for anything. Offered a job and they didn't want it b/c they didn't like the others who would be working there...it was a few week drama session but finally took the job begrudgingly b/c lets face it ...they wouldn't have started looking until after school and it would have been minimal effort finding it to run out the clock.
Ask you psychiatrist to consider medication for anxiety/depression this emotional disregulation is not just ADHD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- She had a full neuropsych evaluation, so she does have inattentive ADHD. School refusal is something we've struggled with in the past, but she's been doing really good lately since we've medicated but this situation set her off and she did not go the next day, so we cut her data off and didn't let her go out with friends this past weekend. She refuses to do anything when she's upset/angry so she is in therapy working on that and her emotional regulation skills. She did act remorseful this morning though, and apologized for screaming at us. Our main dilemma is whether to keep pushing her to get a job. She's very social and isn't anxious about a job, but just has not had that kind of responsibility yet and is a little immature for her age due to her ADHD.

My almost 13yo has adhd too. Yes we change how we parent them but that doesn’t mean letting them get like this.
If my kid refused to hand over her phone I’d get rid of it entirely. All electronics charge in my room overnight too. She’s too impulsive to have them in the kitchen or open areas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are Americans so obsessed about making materialism into something negative?

I'm not from the US but I see it as negative, because all this desire for fancy brands is just a scam: A $200 hoodie is just stupid marketing. Teens these days are practically brainwashed by tiktok and instagram into wanting these status items. Materialism is the enemy of creativity and individuality as well as resourcefulness and discernment, not to mention that it makes you broke!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are Americans so obsessed about making materialism into something negative?

Overconsumption is problematic at the individual level and the planetary level. Do you live under a rock?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids really get hundreds of dollars a month in allowance in your circle?

Wow.

+1 We gave our 15 yr old $60/month, and told them that they will need to get a job if they want more.

Did this with both my kids. They got jobs at 16.

IMO, it doesn't matter if you can afford it. Kids should learn the value of money early.

My 16 yr old DD is learning the hard way that she doesn't have the money like some of her friends do, and that if she blows all her money in one week, she will have nothing left for the rest of the month. We had been telling her this since she was 8 when she started getting her allowance, but she is very "in the moment" kind of person. Sure, enough, something came up, and she had no money for it because she blew it all the week before even though she knew she was not going to have any money left. She said she was fine with it because she didn't forsee anything coming up. She wasn't getting paid until after the event. We didn't bail her out, but her friends did. Not happy that she relied on her friends to bail her out (happened twice). I don't think she's learned this lesson fully yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll post. No one gives their kid a couple hundred dollars a month as an allowance starting in eighth grade. Right?

wrong. There are indeed parents who do this.