How to deal with overly materialistic teen?
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Anonymous
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DD who is a sophomore has got a monthly allowance of a couple hundred dollars since 8th grade. As she gets older she asks for more and more money that she spends excessively on higher end makeup and jewelry on top of the stuff she already gets that we buy her. We sat her down to tell her that it was time for her first job this summer. She freaked out and started crying, banging the wall, saying she did not want a job and that all her friends got allowances too. DH and I told her we would stop giving her extra money until she found a job and she went ballistic and started screaming at us.
After her outburst she didn't speak to both DH and I for the rest of the day and refused to go to her therapy session and school the next day. It's been a few days and she's still very angry and has become very mean and nasty towards us. She won't hand over her phone so I severely limited her screen time in the meantime and turned her data off. We are UMC so we can afford what she wants but, we just want to help her appreciate the value of money and hard work before it's too late. |
Anonymous
| 100% on your side. Stick to your principles. |
Anonymous
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Kids really get hundreds of dollars a month in allowance in your circle?
Wow. |
Anonymous
| Oof...you.need to take the phone away for awhile, no allowance, make her volunteer and get a job and pay you back for the missed therapy session |
Anonymous
| Not going to school or handing over her phone should not be optional. You are raising a brat. |
Anonymous
| You should never have been giving an eighth grader $200 a month! Take away all her makeup and jewelry. Stop allowance. |
Anonymous
+1 If my kid got that, it would be because I expect them to learn to manage their money by paying for everything, i.e. activities, money for lunch. They would have a small amount left for extras if they managed well. |
Anonymous
| You created a spoiled child by giving her hundred of dollars monthly for years. Stand your ground. Make her realize that scream will get her no where. |
Anonymous
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She seems to have some anxiety, OP. This feels more serious than just general brattiness. She's probably terrified at the idea of a job. Also, there is no universe where she gets to skip school because she's upset at you. That is also very concerning in terms of mental health and family dynamics. I would stop the allowance and address her emotional dysregulation: what is causing such over the top reactions? Does she have anxiety and ADHD? Is there something else? |
Anonymous
| Therapy for what? |
Anonymous
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You lost me at “ she won’t hand over her phone”
WTF OP. |
Anonymous
| I’m literally speechless. |
Anonymous
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My kid started tutoring at 14, earning $15 for every lesson. She's really happy with the money she's earning, but doesn't have a lot of clients. It doesn't come near $200 a month total. By giving your teen so much money for free, you're not really making an entry-level, minimum-wage job attractive! |
Anonymous
| It baffles me how parents can ever think kids should get money with no work with the exception of holidays and birthdays. Hundreds though?! Donate the money instead of giving it to the brat you created. |
Anonymous
| This has to be a troll post. No one gives their kid a couple hundred dollars a month as an allowance starting in eighth grade. Right? |