How to deal with overly materialistic teen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She seems to have some anxiety, OP. This feels more serious than just general brattiness. She's probably terrified at the idea of a job.

Also, there is no universe where she gets to skip school because she's upset at you. That is also very concerning in terms of mental health and family dynamics.

I would stop the allowance and address her emotional dysregulation: what is causing such over the top reactions? Does she have anxiety and ADHD? Is there something else?

OP- Yes she does have inattentive ADHD that she'd medicated for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll post. No one gives their kid a couple hundred dollars a month as an allowance starting in eighth grade. Right?

My DS is a sophomore in college. He couldn’t believe that classmates and roommates got an allowance and they complained it wasn’t enough even though it was hundreds every month.

OP- cut her off and that includes the phone. She needs a complete reset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at “ she won’t hand over her phone”

WTF OP.

actually, lost me at "couple hundred since 8th grade." An 8th grader with several hundred dollars per month. OP created this. It's not really fair to expect DD to conform 100% to whatever behavior it is OP wants today. After years of teaching DD otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She seems to have some anxiety, OP. This feels more serious than just general brattiness. She's probably terrified at the idea of a job.

Also, there is no universe where she gets to skip school because she's upset at you. That is also very concerning in terms of mental health and family dynamics.

I would stop the allowance and address her emotional dysregulation: what is causing such over the top reactions? Does she have anxiety and ADHD? Is there something else?

OP- Yes she does have inattentive ADHD that she'd medicated for.

PP you replied to. Hmm. One of my kids has severe inattentive ADHD and has never had outbursts like this. Are you sure that's the extent of the diagnosis? It seems there's way more. Did you get a full neuropsychological evaluation?

Skipping school is unacceptable, OP. She needs consequences for that and for treating you like she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll post. No one gives their kid a couple hundred dollars a month as an allowance starting in eighth grade. Right?

My DS is a sophomore in college. He couldn’t believe that classmates and roommates got an allowance and they complained it wasn’t enough even though it was hundreds every month.

OP- cut her off and that includes the phone. She needs a complete reset.

OP and DH should cut themselves off and reset.

[Anonymous]

This is weird. Most kids want or at least don't fight getting jobs by this age. She might just be anxious about it. You will probably have to walk her through step by step, help her find one, etc.

[Anonymous]

Troll

Otherwise call phone company suspended service.

She gets no more allowance

She wants money she gets a job
She lives in my house she goes to school non negotiable. Her stuff gets put in garbage bags in the trash. She can leave with nothing.

Yes I am that parent. I also know she will scream and throw shit etc in your house because yiu allowed this to get to this point.my solution not easy to execute. However my mother taught me silence is golden no reaction to her outrage. Pile her shit up and put it in the trash is drive it to the dump.

So what she didn’t talk to you she’s a spoiled twat I wouldn’t talk to her. I would not give her reaction one ounce of my time.

[Anonymous]

She's been pleasant for 3 years getting hundreds $$ per month and just yesterday turned into a spoiled brat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should never have been giving an eighth grader $200 a month! Take away all her makeup and jewelry. Stop allowance.

This is what made her materialistic to begin with OP.

Not sure how you stop the problem now. The first step would have been to give her a 50 dollar allowance.

Giving teenagers too much money is a good way to get them hooked on drugs and alcohol.

[Anonymous]

How could she refuse to go to school?!? That’s not an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could she refuse to go to school?!? That’s not an option.

If OP goes to the Special Needs forum, which she might not do, because it doesn't sound as if she entirely recognizes the scope of her daughter's mental heath issues, she will see that this is called school refusal and is a known symptom in several diagnosed disorders that encompass autism, ADHD and anxiety.

The problem is not materialism here. It's the teen's mental health.

[Anonymous]

The kid is probably in a rich kid circle where no one ever works and parents are giving them hundreds of dollars a month for spending money ever since they were 12. I suspect the social anxiety of actually having to work in that milieu is creating a lot of stress for the kid since all her friends have it so easy. But the parents created the problem with their ridiculous indulgence. There's no walking back from that. But now that it's a problem, I'd be insistent on getting a job. And help out in any way with helping her get that job. As for at-home petulance and unpleasantness, a parent of a teenager has enormous control - because of the phone. I took my kid's phone away for a week bc a teacher mentioned they were part of some poor group behavior in a classroom. And oh my goodness, the drama. I knew then that I have all the power. The phone is your tool to change behavior. Take it and use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She seems to have some anxiety, OP. This feels more serious than just general brattiness. She's probably terrified at the idea of a job.

Also, there is no universe where she gets to skip school because she's upset at you. That is also very concerning in terms of mental health and family dynamics.

I would stop the allowance and address her emotional dysregulation: what is causing such over the top reactions? Does she have anxiety and ADHD? Is there something else?

What’s the current term for “spoiled rotten “?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My kid started tutoring at 14, earning $15 for every lesson. She's really happy with the money she's earning, but doesn't have a lot of clients. It doesn't come near $200 a month total.

By giving your teen so much money for free, you're not really making an entry-level, minimum-wage job attractive!

I doubt she’s capable of tutoring. People who are overly materialistic don’t have time for studying. Too busy online shopping or at the mall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could she refuse to go to school?!? That’s not an option.

If OP goes to the Special Needs forum, which she might not do, because it doesn't sound as if she entirely recognizes the scope of her daughter's mental heath issues, she will see that this is called school refusal and is a known symptom in several diagnosed disorders that encompass autism, ADHD and anxiety.

The problem is not materialism here. It's the teen's mental health.

So getting spoiled rotten is the kid’s mental health problem?