Milestone birthday and almost no one remembered

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my group of friends, people throw their own events for their milestone birthdays. People are happy to celebrate and attend.

+1

I don't know anyone who had friends throw them a party like they're 10.

You must not have friends or live in an urban area. It's totally standard to have your friends surprise you with a party. I went to 5 since January of this year.

[Anonymous]

OP ignore the silly trolls on here giving you a hard time. Just because everyone has become self absorbed, addicted to their phones and super busy doesn’t mean that any of us are better off if important moments in our lives are ignored. We are social beings and we deserve and need to feel loved and appreciated. That being said, I think by our age you have to understand that your friends will happily show up for a birthday dinner or party to celebrate you but it isn’t realistic to expect they will remember your birthday or throw the party for you. Even if you have done that for them. It just isn’t most people’s forte. It doesn’t mean people care about you less. It is just what they are capable of. If it’s important to you to be seen and celebrated (and there is nothing wrong with that) then organize your own bday party. People do this all the time! Also, I suspect there is some anger here towards your DH and of course he is not just anyone, he should do better. He knows you well enough by now, or should, so he should have known you would enjoy feeling special on your bday and he should have made some effort. No gifts or cards is totally on him and whatever children you may have. I would have a very direct conversation with him about what you need to feel loved. If you already have told him numerous times and he doesn’t care then it’s up to you what to do with that but at the very least you should spend some money if you can afford it to do something special for yourself. Book a massage or even better a weekend in NYC or something like that’s. Happy birthday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are so hung up on the birthday bit. OP is lonely and her 50th just highlighted that. Op, do you have social anxiety? I've found thats usually the biggest problem.

Because it shows the entitlement. I don’t have time to go out for dinner on my own birthday, let alone someone not even in my family. If OP isn’t busy enough then that’s not anyone else’s fault.

+1

Like Eeyore

+1

Throw your own party, plan your own dinner, etc.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I’m but I stopped caring about my birthday after 25.

[Anonymous]

First of all, here’s to wishing you a very Happy Belated Milestone (‼️) Birthday!! 🎉

Yes it is completely understandable that you are disappointed that others didn’t remember your special day - anyone would feel the same way OP.

However be grateful that you had your immediate family to spend your birthday 🎁 with.
Believe it or not >> some people sadly have no one to share their special day with.

Wishing you a fantastic year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By 50, you should know that if you wanted a party/event/celebration, you should say so.

And throw it yourself. I’m also turning 50 this year and I really want to to forget it. I hope you aren’t my friend because I do try to remember my friends’ birthdays. I used to rely on Facebook for this but no one uses it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my group of friends, people throw their own events for their milestone birthdays. People are happy to celebrate and attend.

Same.

I organized my own 40th party which was a blast but I won’t ever do it again. Too much stress and frankly attention. A private celebration with spouse and kids would be perfect for me.

[Anonymous]

I would try being vulnerable and asking for what you want.

I just turned 45 and I'm going through a divorce. Normally my stbx would have planned a party, but now it's just me. A few girlfriends offered to take me out on what would have been our 20th anniversary so I know I have friends who would look out for me, but it felt like a lot to expect someone else to plan and host a party, you know? I'm sure my closest friend would have if I'd hinted at it. But instead I just put together an evite for a happy hour and a hang at my house. It felt a little hard tbh. I felt vulnerable. But I did it!

If you want a party, make it happen. When you are taking your friend out for her birthday, mention that yours is coming up and you don't know if you should have a party or what. See what she says. At the very least she'll encourage you to have one for yourself; hopefully she'll offer to help.

[Anonymous]

By the time you're 50, you've gotta plan on your parties. Happy birthday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain my inlaws don't know my birthday.

I like no parties

No stress

Don’t understand your sadness. Seems like it is a blessing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't remind people about my birthday but I take my friends out for their birthday (just did that last week--took a friend our for a birthday brunch). I invite them, choose the restaurant from one I know they like, and pay. This has never been reciprocated which makes me sad.

I’m the one who asked that question. For a variety of reasons, I was not exposed to friendships growing and didn’t have many. I’ve spent my adulthood trying to figure it out. In my experience, the people with the most love and community don’t bean count like you just did. They give what they are able to do based on their energy and emotion. I would never hear from them that they took someone to birthday lunch and the person didn’t reciprocate- even when it’s true! They remind me when it’s their birthday. Years they want parties, they throw their own.

So basically they put out love and get those bids reciprocated. But they are not upset that other people don’t first put out their own bid. They don’t get hung up on being forgotten or not remembered. They focus on their side of the street.

+1 Very well-put. And, as someone in a similar boat - it's hard to learn this as an adult when you may have been brought up with 1) conditional love (e.g. "I did XYZ for you and automatically expected you to do ABC in return (even if I never said so explicitly)!" ) and 2) poor communication styles in the home.

It takes a lot of work to learn how to overcome this by vulnerably asking for what you need AND giving love freely without strings attached.

I remember a friend of mine in college confronted me one time and said, "It really hurts my feelings that you're not attending XYZ event I'm planning - I showed up for your play in the fall and was hoping you'd reciprocate by showing up for one of my events and it would mean a lot to me if you could." It literally blew my mind because she calmly and vulnerably explained her thinking on this. I still think about it and try use some of this language.

[Anonymous]

Throw yourself a belated party and send out invitations on Monday for a date in a couple of weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my group of friends, people throw their own events for their milestone birthdays. People are happy to celebrate and attend.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my group of friends, people throw their own events for their milestone birthdays. People are happy to celebrate and attend.

+1

I don't know anyone who had friends throw them a party like they're 10.

You must not have friends or live in an urban area. It's totally standard to have your friends surprise you with a party. I went to 5 since January of this year.

Hmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By 50, you should know that if you wanted a party/event/celebration, you should say so.

Yes, my parents both threw themselves big parties at 40. My dad had a big 50th and demanded a destination trip for all of us on his 60th.