Milestone birthday and almost no one remembered

[Anonymous]

Hi, I'm feeling really down about the fact that I had a milestone birthday this week (50) and no one remembered other than DH and my parents. No friends remembered, no in-laws remembered, no extended family remembered. Just feeling really lonely and like no one cares. I was already feeling sad about my lack of friends (not for lack of trying) but this just made everything feel worse.

For my birthday DH and the kids and I went out to a local restaurant, I had a cupcake with a candle, and that was it. No cards or gifts or really much of any kind of celebration, which I'm sad about because I didn't have a 40th birthday party either and was hoping by 50 I'd have at least a few friends to go out with for a birthday dinner or something. I never had baby showers either because no one offered to host one for me, which felt really depressing at the time.

I have tried so hard to make friends and build community but it never seems to work out for me.

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Honestly my advice is that by 40 and surely by 50 you should have other priorities in your life than whether some random person who isn’t even a family member gives you a card. It’s an immature thing to be concerned about. Maybe at 10 years old but not after that. Do you have a therapist?

[Anonymous]

Also wanted to let you know that some people really avoid the type of people who organize baby showers and things like that. If we wanted to give a gift for an occasion, we would. We don’t need people like you forcing us to do that.

[Anonymous]

I'm fairly certain my inlaws don't know my birthday.

[Anonymous]

OP - do you ever remind people it’s your birthday or tell people you’d like to celebrate with them?

[Anonymous]

By 50, you should know that if you wanted a party/event/celebration, you should say so.

[Anonymous]

But happy birthday, OP. I hope you do something nice for yourself. How about a mani/pedi? Glass of champagne?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't remind people about my birthday but I take my friends out for their birthday (just did that last week--took a friend our for a birthday brunch). I invite them, choose the restaurant from one I know they like, and pay. This has never been reciprocated which makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. And wish you a wonderful 50th birthday all over from Europe (Paris exactly)

Maybe you should have organized a party yourself?

I'm quite lonely as well and if I don't organize something myself I can be sure I'll be forgotten.

Life gets busy for everybody and when you don't have much family or friends, well it's likely to have have a milestone birthday forgoten unless you do something yourself ...

It's not too late for you to organize something though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly my advice is that by 40 and surely by 50 you should have other priorities in your life than whether some random person who isn’t even a family member gives you a card. It’s an immature thing to be concerned about. Maybe at 10 years old but not after that. Do you have a therapist?

OP, it is better to not have friends than to have a community of “friends” like this PP. And sadly there are far more people out there with this sort of toxic personality than you would think.

You do have people in your life who love you and care about you. Just try to focus on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By 50, you should know that if you wanted a party/event/celebration, you should say so.

Or organize it yourself.

But advice? If you want friends, you have to make friends! Are you looking for advice about how to make friends at this age?

My husband super duper dropped the ball for my 40th (12 years ago). And I was kind of sad and mad about it, until I decided to find it really funny instead. And try to get my mind out of feeling like these Big Milestone Birthdays have to really mean something. Then for my 50th, I organized a trip for us - not some blow everything out of the water once in a lifetime trip; a little road trip, staying at AirBNBs. It was nice. Maybe you're just not a big bash sort of person, if you keep finding yourself not having them. I'd say learn to enjoy the life you actually have - and tell your husband you want something bigger for 45 or 50! Then make sure you're part of making that happen - otherwise, as you can see, it won't!

[Anonymous]

OP, are you on the spectrum, or have you ever wondered that? I ask b/c many women who are late diagnosed AUD, have a history of struggling with relationships, friendships and feel lonely/different.

[Anonymous]

In my group of friends, people throw their own events for their milestone birthdays. People are happy to celebrate and attend.

[Anonymous]

For my 50th (pre-covid), my bffs and my mom planned a party together, with my encouragement. I gave them the email guest list, made sure they did the no presents, only your presence thing, and we had a great time.

Sometimes, if you are the planner in the family, you have to take charge to get the things you want. Your friends and family aren't mind readers amd they have enough going on with their own families!

[Anonymous]

I don't know why people are so hung up on the birthday bit. OP is lonely and her 50th just highlighted that. Op, do you have social anxiety? I've found thats usually the biggest problem.