‘I don’t have to hear my kid whine’; well, your kid’s chaperone does

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

So you raised a kid who doesn't understand how to dress themselves in middle school and now you're lecturing other people? Sounds like you did a very bad job parenting her when she was younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

No, that’s not parenting a middle schooler. That’s hovering.

Hovering would be doing that on a regular school day where the consequences would be minimal and limited to only the dumb kid. On an out-of-state, all-day field trip, consequences are felt by chaperones, teachers, the group, etc. Parent your kid.

I am parenting my children but letting them feel natural consequences. You are codling yours because you are worried your little babies will be cold and wet.

Do you mean “coddling”? I think 11yos literally crying is a problem for everyone on the trip, including the directors and coaches who work so hard to plan for and execute this type of fun trip and unique competition experience for kids. They don’t have to do that: these are above-and-beyond teachers and school administrators. They deserve thanks and bare-minimum effort from parents.

We get it. You don’t parent your kids. But there’s no amount of yapping that is going to change the fact that you should, especially when better parents have gone out of their way and taken time off work to serve as a chaperone so that all the kids may benefit from a special experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

I agree with you. Wearing a raincoat is about the most uncool thing you can do as a teen, as is carrying around an umbrella. It's an ongoing disagreement it our house. I let them face the natural consequences if it's not dangerously cold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

So you raised a kid who doesn't understand how to dress themselves in middle school and now you're lecturing other people? Sounds like you did a very bad job parenting her when she was younger.

She understands she doesn’t get to make dumb choices on important days. If she wants to shiver at the bus stop, fine. But not all day in the cold and rain. It’s called stepping in and parenting until her brain finishes developing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

No, that’s not parenting a middle schooler. That’s hovering.

Hovering would be doing that on a regular school day where the consequences would be minimal and limited to only the dumb kid. On an out-of-state, all-day field trip, consequences are felt by chaperones, teachers, the group, etc. Parent your kid.

I am parenting my children but letting them feel natural consequences. You are codling yours because you are worried your little babies will be cold and wet.

Do you mean “coddling”? I think 11yos literally crying is a problem for everyone on the trip, including the directors and coaches who work so hard to plan for and execute this type of fun trip and unique competition experience for kids. They don’t have to do that: these are above-and-beyond teachers and school administrators. They deserve thanks and bare-minimum effort from parents.

We get it. You don’t parent your kids. But there’s no amount of yapping that is going to change the fact that you should, especially when better parents have gone out of their way and taken time off work to serve as a chaperone so that all the kids may benefit from a special experience.

Honestly, they should have just cancelled the trip. That kind of weather is miserable, even with a raincoat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

No, that’s not parenting a middle schooler. That’s hovering.

Hovering would be doing that on a regular school day where the consequences would be minimal and limited to only the dumb kid. On an out-of-state, all-day field trip, consequences are felt by chaperones, teachers, the group, etc. Parent your kid.

I am parenting my children but letting them feel natural consequences. You are codling yours because you are worried your little babies will be cold and wet.

Do you mean “coddling”? I think 11yos literally crying is a problem for everyone on the trip, including the directors and coaches who work so hard to plan for and execute this type of fun trip and unique competition experience for kids. They don’t have to do that: these are above-and-beyond teachers and school administrators. They deserve thanks and bare-minimum effort from parents.

We get it. You don’t parent your kids. But there’s no amount of yapping that is going to change the fact that you should, especially when better parents have gone out of their way and taken time off work to serve as a chaperone so that all the kids may benefit from a special experience.

You shouldn’t chaperone anymore. You are not cut out for it.

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen this situation with other parents present, too. Activities where the parents and kids are shivering in the cold without hats and gloves, for example selling Girl Scout cookies. I bring extra gloves and hats because I know the parents are so checked out that they will not look after their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

No, that’s not parenting a middle schooler. That’s hovering.

Hovering would be doing that on a regular school day where the consequences would be minimal and limited to only the dumb kid. On an out-of-state, all-day field trip, consequences are felt by chaperones, teachers, the group, etc. Parent your kid.

I am parenting my children but letting them feel natural consequences. You are codling yours because you are worried your little babies will be cold and wet.

Do you mean “coddling”? I think 11yos literally crying is a problem for everyone on the trip, including the directors and coaches who work so hard to plan for and execute this type of fun trip and unique competition experience for kids. They don’t have to do that: these are above-and-beyond teachers and school administrators. They deserve thanks and bare-minimum effort from parents.

We get it. You don’t parent your kids. But there’s no amount of yapping that is going to change the fact that you should, especially when better parents have gone out of their way and taken time off work to serve as a chaperone so that all the kids may benefit from a special experience.

You shouldn’t chaperone anymore. You are not cut out for it.

Fah-REE rah-rayyyngeeee!

[Anonymous]

That was kind and generous of you to buy rain ponchos for the kids, OP. Kudos to you for taking care of your group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sweet to buy rain ponchos. Did they have sweatshirts for sale there? Kids should have brought enough money but maybe not.

The sweatshirts are really expensive. OP, thank you for looking after these kids. The parent who posted this didn't think their comment through. But honestly, yesterday, I didn't expect it to be so cold! And I checked the weather! It's only because I walk the dog in the morning that I actually felt the temp and told DD to change into long pants and long shirts before going to school. It's not surprising to me that multiple parents did not realize how cold it was going to get.

They still had to drop their kids off at the middle school early in the morning, right? You walk out to your car and see that it is cold and rainy, you send them back in for at the very least a rain jacket or a sweatshirt to bring with them.

True. Maybe they were running late. Oh well. Thank goodness you were a caring chaperone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe that "tons" of parents bragged on Facebook that they planned, in advance, to send their kids on a field trip dressed inappropriately for the weather because "I don't have to hear my kid whine." Perhaps one idiot did that. But this isn't a widespread problem.

Also, kids do have to learn to dress appropriately for the weather. These were MS kids. That's prime age for this kind of dumb rebellion but it's also when parents have to let it go and let them learn. If you were talking about elementary age kids, I think you can just force the kids to wear real shoes and raincoats. A 13 yr old? You tell them it's raining and suggest proper attire, but if my kid walks downstairs in shorts and flip flops, all I say is "you're going to freeze in that" and then let it go. They have to learn.

I've chaperoned a million field trips of all ages, plus done like 24 dance recitals as a backstage parent. I also used to work at a summer camp and teach dance to 4-8 yr olds. I've been wrangling other people's kids for a long time and the truth is that whining is really common and you have to develop a thick skin and treat it the way you would in your own kids -- ignore it or suggest a solution if you think it will help. But it's always something. Some kids got wet and cold, oh well. They didn't die.

I would not have bought them ponchos or sweatshirts. I might have advocated for a change in schedule if a significant number if kids were miserable and there was a way to keep them out if the cold and rain for longer so they could at least warm up.

Oh, so punish the prepared kids whose parents give a crap about them? Got it. A schedule change mandated for all because of the dumb kids and the selfish parents?

Schedules change all the time due to weather. How weird that you opt for rigidity. Not really a great trait. I’d prefer my kids go with the flow and adjust even if had a jacket on. Fortunately my children would never refer to another child without a jacket as dumb or their parents stupid. We all make mistakes. I guess that kind of language and rigid thinking is the province of “mature” adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this situation with other parents present, too. Activities where the parents and kids are shivering in the cold without hats and gloves, for example selling Girl Scout cookies. I bring extra gloves and hats because I know the parents are so checked out that they will not look after their kids.

I’ve seen this, too. To a 4-year-old on Halloween, as you drag them to house #3,428 instead of ensuring they have proper coverage, and/or cut the night a little shorter when their bucket is already filled to the brim. Because you still want to stroll around with your Yeti full of Mommy Juice. “She’s finnnnneeee,” you slur, as the clock turns 9.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

No, that’s not parenting a middle schooler. That’s hovering.

Hovering would be doing that on a regular school day where the consequences would be minimal and limited to only the dumb kid. On an out-of-state, all-day field trip, consequences are felt by chaperones, teachers, the group, etc. Parent your kid.

I am parenting my children but letting them feel natural consequences. You are codling yours because you are worried your little babies will be cold and wet.

Do you mean “coddling”? I think 11yos literally crying is a problem for everyone on the trip, including the directors and coaches who work so hard to plan for and execute this type of fun trip and unique competition experience for kids. They don’t have to do that: these are above-and-beyond teachers and school administrators. They deserve thanks and bare-minimum effort from parents.

We get it. You don’t parent your kids. But there’s no amount of yapping that is going to change the fact that you should, especially when better parents have gone out of their way and taken time off work to serve as a chaperone so that all the kids may benefit from a special experience.

You shouldn’t chaperone anymore. You are not cut out for it.

Fah-REE rah-rayyyngeeee!

Right. If all you can focus on is whining, chaperoning is not for you.

[Anonymous]

Now you know why there’s a teacher shortage. You would not believe the messages I get from parents asking me to do ridiculous things like keep Larla from getting her flower girl dress dirty that she wore to school because she’s going to see Grandma later she she doesn’t like kids looking messy. I asked Mom to bring a change of clothes since she already signed the permission slip for Larla to participate in field day. Cue nasty message that she’s busy. Now I get to decide whether to allow Larla to do field day in her dress or make her sit out. I don’t get paid enough for this crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

So you raised a kid who doesn't understand how to dress themselves in middle school and now you're lecturing other people? Sounds like you did a very bad job parenting her when she was younger.

She understands she doesn’t get to make dumb choices on important days. If she wants to shiver at the bus stop, fine. But not all day in the cold and rain. It’s called stepping in and parenting until her brain finishes developing.

I’m a NP and I agree with this. If my kid refuses to wear sunscreen at the beach, I’m not letting them go and get a bad burn. In MS my kids would have probably put up a similar fight on the way to a long field trip and I would have made them pack something and say they can leave it on the bus. Now they’re in HS and make better choices.

I agree with the op. I’m a teacher and there’s just a lot of kids who lack resilience and whine constantly. All the “natural consequences” that parents think they’re teaching seems to only relate to clothes and weather. They’re rushing lunches and homework and violins to school constantly, but somehow they’re making their kids gritty by letting them be cold. It’s not working, they’re not resilient.