‘I don’t have to hear my kid whine’; well, your kid’s chaperone does

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sweet to buy rain ponchos. Did they have sweatshirts for sale there? Kids should have brought enough money but maybe not.

The sweatshirts are really expensive. OP, thank you for looking after these kids. The parent who posted this didn't think their comment through. But honestly, yesterday, I didn't expect it to be so cold! And I checked the weather! It's only because I walk the dog in the morning that I actually felt the temp and told DD to change into long pants and long shirts before going to school. It's not surprising to me that multiple parents did not realize how cold it was going to get.

They still had to drop their kids off at the middle school early in the morning, right? You walk out to your car and see that it is cold and rainy, you send them back in for at the very least a rain jacket or a sweatshirt to bring with them.

The kids also walked out in the same conditions and could have made a different choice

Yes, but as parents of middle school kids, we have a duty to override the “I’m fine” and “it’s fine” and “whatevers” and prepare them for the day. Chaperones, teachers, coaches, directors, all these people have likely taken off work and are making an effort in order for your kids to have a special opportunity. The literal least you can do as a parent to make the day a success is…parent.

Your expectations for chaperoning are unrealistic. Even if most parents do what you suggest, there will be kids who complain or aren't prepared. And you don't know why. They might have an overwhelmed single parent whose overwhelmed, it might be a crap parent who does this all the time, it might be a one off because the family had a disorganized morning or they genuinely thought the forecast was warmer.

You need to go into chaperoning assuming things won't go perfectly and be ready to deal with it. It's always something. I've done field trips where the venue was ill prepared and the schedule sucked, and you can't blame the parents for that. This is just what chaperoning is like. It's a hassle, that's why they struggle to find volunteers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sweet to buy rain ponchos. Did they have sweatshirts for sale there? Kids should have brought enough money but maybe not.

The sweatshirts are really expensive. OP, thank you for looking after these kids. The parent who posted this didn't think their comment through. But honestly, yesterday, I didn't expect it to be so cold! And I checked the weather! It's only because I walk the dog in the morning that I actually felt the temp and told DD to change into long pants and long shirts before going to school. It's not surprising to me that multiple parents did not realize how cold it was going to get.

They still had to drop their kids off at the middle school early in the morning, right? You walk out to your car and see that it is cold and rainy, you send them back in for at the very least a rain jacket or a sweatshirt to bring with them.

The kids also walked out in the same conditions and could have made a different choice

Yes, but as parents of middle school kids, we have a duty to override the “I’m fine” and “it’s fine” and “whatevers” and prepare them for the day. Chaperones, teachers, coaches, directors, all these people have likely taken off work and are making an effort in order for your kids to have a special opportunity. The literal least you can do as a parent to make the day a success is…parent.

Letting them deal with the consequences of bad decisions is parenting.

Maybe for high schoolers. Not sixth graders. I know you like to think you are “done” once they are out of Kindergarten, but you aren’t. Parenting is setting expectations for what they need to do to prepare for something big or out of the ordinary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 12yo. I give guidance every day on what to wear. Sometimes she listens others times she chooses to wear sweatpants even though I told her the high is 80 and she’s got soccer practice.
Tweens have their own minds. I’ve told mine not to complain about the choices she makes if I gave her options ahead of time.

Thanks god chaperoning but some of our kids are jerks. Next time tell them you heard them the first time and you don’t want to hear it again.

Going to soccer practice for two hours is different than sending them out of state from 6:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. under someone else’s supervision. Your soccer kid is the only one who is going to be hot and uncomfortable. The adult chaperones caring for your kid are going to have to help them if they are wet and shivering and literally crying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, the forecast for Hershey was not accurate, it was clearly colder and rainier than forecasted.

The forecast was for 55 degrees and rainy/cloudy. The fact that it was worse than forecasted the night before does not make it OK to not send your kid PREPARED for the rain and cold that was CALLED FOR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe that "tons" of parents bragged on Facebook that they planned, in advance, to send their kids on a field trip dressed inappropriately for the weather because "I don't have to hear my kid whine." Perhaps one idiot did that. But this isn't a widespread problem.

Also, kids do have to learn to dress appropriately for the weather. These were MS kids. That's prime age for this kind of dumb rebellion but it's also when parents have to let it go and let them learn. If you were talking about elementary age kids, I think you can just force the kids to wear real shoes and raincoats. A 13 yr old? You tell them it's raining and suggest proper attire, but if my kid walks downstairs in shorts and flip flops, all I say is "you're going to freeze in that" and then let it go. They have to learn.

I've chaperoned a million field trips of all ages, plus done like 24 dance recitals as a backstage parent. I also used to work at a summer camp and teach dance to 4-8 yr olds. I've been wrangling other people's kids for a long time and the truth is that whining is really common and you have to develop a thick skin and treat it the way you would in your own kids -- ignore it or suggest a solution if you think it will help. But it's always something. Some kids got wet and cold, oh well. They didn't die.

I would not have bought them ponchos or sweatshirts. I might have advocated for a change in schedule if a significant number if kids were miserable and there was a way to keep them out if the cold and rain for longer so they could at least warm up.

Oh, so punish the prepared kids whose parents give a crap about them? Got it. A schedule change mandated for all because of the dumb kids and the selfish parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have chaperoned kids who were visibly sick and miserable. Their parents send them to school knowing they are sick because they actually hate their children and would not care if they are in pain or if their child actually dies.

Once you understand this abuse and injustice, you become compassionate and as a chaperone provide these unfortunate kids with food, drinks, umbrellas, rain-ponchos, tissues, sanitizer, insect repellant etc. If I could give these kids tylenol without getting into trouble, I would.

Unfortunately, jerks do become parents and then they try their best to kill their unwanted offsprings from 0-18 yrs of age. By giving occasional charity to these children, you are giving them a chance to become a kind human and not become a monster who shoots up other children in the school.

This. A lot of people should not be parents, but either they were pressured, had kids to fit in or by accident, or are just overwhelmed.

The kids have to learn earlier in life how to look out for themselves, and it's good there are caring people out there who will help them.

[Anonymous]

I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sweet to buy rain ponchos. Did they have sweatshirts for sale there? Kids should have brought enough money but maybe not.

The sweatshirts are really expensive. OP, thank you for looking after these kids. The parent who posted this didn't think their comment through. But honestly, yesterday, I didn't expect it to be so cold! And I checked the weather! It's only because I walk the dog in the morning that I actually felt the temp and told DD to change into long pants and long shirts before going to school. It's not surprising to me that multiple parents did not realize how cold it was going to get.

They still had to drop their kids off at the middle school early in the morning, right? You walk out to your car and see that it is cold and rainy, you send them back in for at the very least a rain jacket or a sweatshirt to bring with them.

The kids also walked out in the same conditions and could have made a different choice

Yes, but as parents of middle school kids, we have a duty to override the “I’m fine” and “it’s fine” and “whatevers” and prepare them for the day. Chaperones, teachers, coaches, directors, all these people have likely taken off work and are making an effort in order for your kids to have a special opportunity. The literal least you can do as a parent to make the day a success is…parent.

A middle school kid can be cold and wet for a day. It’s okay and a good lesson to plan for the future. I once forgot my coat in 4th grade in the winter. Going on 40 years, haven’t forgotten since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

No, that’s not parenting a middle schooler. That’s hovering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sweet to buy rain ponchos. Did they have sweatshirts for sale there? Kids should have brought enough money but maybe not.

The sweatshirts are really expensive. OP, thank you for looking after these kids. The parent who posted this didn't think their comment through. But honestly, yesterday, I didn't expect it to be so cold! And I checked the weather! It's only because I walk the dog in the morning that I actually felt the temp and told DD to change into long pants and long shirts before going to school. It's not surprising to me that multiple parents did not realize how cold it was going to get.

They still had to drop their kids off at the middle school early in the morning, right? You walk out to your car and see that it is cold and rainy, you send them back in for at the very least a rain jacket or a sweatshirt to bring with them.

The kids also walked out in the same conditions and could have made a different choice

Yes, but as parents of middle school kids, we have a duty to override the “I’m fine” and “it’s fine” and “whatevers” and prepare them for the day. Chaperones, teachers, coaches, directors, all these people have likely taken off work and are making an effort in order for your kids to have a special opportunity. The literal least you can do as a parent to make the day a success is…parent.

Letting them deal with the consequences of bad decisions is parenting.

Maybe for high schoolers. Not sixth graders. I know you like to think you are “done” once they are out of Kindergarten, but you aren’t. Parenting is setting expectations for what they need to do to prepare for something big or out of the ordinary.

No, these kids are double digits. They know what’s cold, they know what’s rain, they know the purpose of a coat. You are infantilizing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

No, that’s not parenting a middle schooler. That’s hovering.

Hovering would be doing that on a regular school day where the consequences would be minimal and limited to only the dumb kid. On an out-of-state, all-day field trip, consequences are felt by chaperones, teachers, the group, etc. Parent your kid.

[Anonymous]

Sorry your and others' days were ruined OP. I have relatives nearby in PA. No matter the temp or weather here, it's always colder and windier up there.

I once chaperoned my son's K class on a field trip to a pumpkin patch in outer MoCo. Parents drove their own cars (we did not see our kids in advance) and met at the patch. It was a chilly, windy, fall day.

My kid gets off the bus, as did many others, underdressed WITHOUT any coats or zipper up hoodies. Did they all come to school like this? Perhaps. I know mine did not. They were immediately cold. I looked at the teacher, and asked, where are the coats? She shrugged her shoulders and mumbled, "I told them to line up and get out quickly, so no time."

Brilliant. So if your kid was not wearing a coat at their seat, tough sh**.

So, for all the responsible parents, their planning and thoughtfulness undone by one teacher who could not be bothered to instruct her class to go over to the coat hook area and grab your jackets and line up.

Fortunately I had an extra jacket in my car for DS. The rest were cold, for hours. Before we turn to blaming these kids and parent, after a full year of seeing her in action, it was obv. it was her, not the 5 years-olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disagree with you OP. But I also am annoyed with you. Some of those parents probably argued with their kids to dress better, bring a raincoat, etc. Kids probably refused. So parents decided to let them suffer the natural consequences! You completely undermined that! Let them be cold. Let them be wet. Will they die? No. And next time they’ll listen to their parents and bring a raincoat.

You totally undermined and “rescued” those kids. Bad choice.

OP here. My daughter was fighting me about clothes the night before because she wanted to wear shorts and Crocs. I told her she would be wearing proper shoes and long pants, or she would be going to school for a regular school day and I would attend the trip as a chaperone without her. This is called parenting. There is no such thing as an 11yo “refusing” me when it comes to a special privilege like Hershey Park.

No, that’s not parenting a middle schooler. That’s hovering.

Hovering would be doing that on a regular school day where the consequences would be minimal and limited to only the dumb kid. On an out-of-state, all-day field trip, consequences are felt by chaperones, teachers, the group, etc. Parent your kid.

I am parenting my children but letting them feel natural consequences. You are codling yours because you are worried your little babies will be cold and wet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry your and others' days were ruined OP. I have relatives nearby in PA. No matter the temp or weather here, it's always colder and windier up there.

I once chaperoned my son's K class on a field trip to a pumpkin patch in outer MoCo. Parents drove their own cars (we did not see our kids in advance) and met at the patch. It was a chilly, windy, fall day.

My kid gets off the bus, as did many others, underdressed WITHOUT any coats or zipper up hoodies. Did they all come to school like this? Perhaps. I know mine did not. They were immediately cold. I looked at the teacher, and asked, where are the coats? She shrugged her shoulders and mumbled, "I told them to line up and get out quickly, so no time."

Brilliant. So if your kid was not wearing a coat at their seat, tough sh**.

So, for all the responsible parents, their planning and thoughtfulness undone by one teacher who could not be bothered to instruct her class to go over to the coat hook area and grab your jackets and line up.

Fortunately I had an extra jacket in my car for DS. The rest were cold, for hours. Before we turn to blaming these kids and parent, after a full year of seeing her in action, it was obv. it was her, not the 5 years-olds.

This isn’t a thread about 5 year olds. And that seems to be the heart of the issue.