Hoping to die before I get old

[Anonymous]

My mom is mid seventies and walks about ten miles a week. Her secret is gentle exercise and weight training forever.

[Anonymous]

I’m 68 and in great shape from running — but I agree with OP, just that the age has to be higher. Right now I’m pursuing projects, learning autocad, American Sign language and taking up violin again, while also working full time in construction management. Life is fun with travel and grandkids on the way. That said, at the first serious sign of dementia I want to be out of here. (The question is, how? Maybe I’ll “fall” off a bridge.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing I am a bit scared of is being 65 and not even being able to die because a 95 yo parent depends on me. My parent is however unfazed and plans to live to 100. I bite my tongue when he professes it.

😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to focus more on what infirmity you’re trying to avoid rather than what age. My mom is 82 and flies all over the country alone to see her grandkids and takes guided tours abroad by herself. She’s in great health and living it up.

This. I know what I'm going to avoid and when I see signs (like dementia) or something happens (like wheelchair) I'm checking out. I feel very firm about this and I think it's going to be 60s for me. Which is why I want to retire now (in my 50s)!

It’s so ridiculous when ppl say this. Dementia is complicated. It changes you in ways you can’t predict. When/if you get it, you may not even know you have it, may not be thinking the same way you are now, may not have the ability to carry through w suicide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to focus more on what infirmity you’re trying to avoid rather than what age. My mom is 82 and flies all over the country alone to see her grandkids and takes guided tours abroad by herself. She’s in great health and living it up.

This. I know what I'm going to avoid and when I see signs (like dementia) or something happens (like wheelchair) I'm checking out. I feel very firm about this and I think it's going to be 60s for me. Which is why I want to retire now (in my 50s)!

Once you have dementia you won’t be able to make any rational decisions

My MIL was sharp as a tack and then she slipped in the bathroom and hit her head on the sink. She suffered a TBI and was had no short- or long-term memory until she died two years later in a bed and care home.

[Anonymous]

My highly educated mother used to say that she would rather die than have dementia and told me I should not waste time money or energy on her if she were demented and preferably help her kill herself. She lead a healthy life, full of friend and activities. When she started to undergo some mild cognitive decline she certainly wasn’t thinking “this is it’s, give me the gun.”’ In fact she was in denial at first. By the time she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at mid stage she didn’t really perceive what it meant or where it would go and had no capacity to plan for an end. Now she is stage 6 and can’t remember most of her life or where she is (memory care), is terrified of everything, confused, angry etc. she is unhappy but no way can she conceive of (or want) to end her life. Instead she wants constant attention, wants to move back home, wants to live with me, she wants to live but just a better life. She has no deciding making capacity.

Spouse and I were chatting the other day and we talk about this, about. It wanting to end up like my mom but how do you actually go about it? I compared it to having an innie and an outie (for the Severence fans here). The outie is us when we are younger and wanting to make a decision about ending things before we lose our marbles. The innie is us once we have dementia, and though our lives are circumscribed it’s the ones we have and ending doesn’t seem like an option. Who gets to decide who lives?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it takes incredible resolve to think “oh, I suddenly can’t remember why I walked into this room - I’d better go blow my brains out.”
Which is why almost nobody does it.

It’s very easy to talk a big game about how you would never allow yourself to end up like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you make it past 65 and arent dead if a heart attack, stroke or aneurism, chances are you'll be fine into your very early 80s. That's when I've seen older folks fall apart health-wise. However, I have a great uncle who lived until 98, and while he had slowed down a little (didn't drive at night for example), his mind was sharp and his body slow, but very able and capable.

What do relatively healthy 80 year olds die from?

Cancer, stroke, fall leads to head injury or hip replacement but you never recover, etc. Early- to mid-80s is where I've seen things go down hill fast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My highly educated mother used to say that she would rather die than have dementia and told me I should not waste time money or energy on her if she were demented and preferably help her kill herself. She lead a healthy life, full of friend and activities. When she started to undergo some mild cognitive decline she certainly wasn’t thinking “this is it’s, give me the gun.”’ In fact she was in denial at first. By the time she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at mid stage she didn’t really perceive what it meant or where it would go and had no capacity to plan for an end. Now she is stage 6 and can’t remember most of her life or where she is (memory care), is terrified of everything, confused, angry etc. she is unhappy but no way can she conceive of (or want) to end her life. Instead she wants constant attention, wants to move back home, wants to live with me, she wants to live but just a better life. She has no deciding making capacity.

Spouse and I were chatting the other day and we talk about this, about. It wanting to end up like my mom but how do you actually go about it? I compared it to having an innie and an outie (for the Severence fans here). The outie is us when we are younger and wanting to make a decision about ending things before we lose our marbles. The innie is us once we have dementia, and though our lives are circumscribed it’s the ones we have and ending doesn’t seem like an option. Who gets to decide who lives?

This is such a wise take. If you have watched Severance it makes perfect sense. We think we can judge the lives of others, but once it’s *your* life, even if it’s not ideal, it feels worth protecting.

[Anonymous]

Yeah...

Tough topic. My Grandmother was the one who was always lamenting that she lived too long, and was ready to go and she made it to 97. She was pretty mentally sharp up until the end when her body just wore out. How are you Gramdma? "Oh, I'm just living" was her response...

The only person who I know that really went out on their own terms was my Father-in-law's Dad. He would always say that when he couldn't wipe is own @ss he wanted to go...sadly, his wife fell and hit her head and passed away. His son passed away shortly after. He was keeping on but one day he got up off his porch swing, went and laid down on the couch and didn't wake up. He was found when Meals on Wheel came to deliver the next morning. He was 88.

[Anonymous]

Who needs to blow their brains out? That’s what the desert sun is made for! Do you know have many accidental dehydration deaths occur?? This is my plan anyways. And give it up people, 78 is old, maybe not too old but old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who needs to blow their brains out? That’s what the desert sun is made for! Do you know have many accidental dehydration deaths occur?? This is my plan anyways. And give it up people, 78 is old, maybe not too old but old.

How old are you now?

[Anonymous]

Here is a gift link to a related article from the NYT about Daniel Kahneman. This is how I want to go:

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/14/opinion/daniel-kahneman-death-suicide.html?unlocked_article_code=1._k4.JDju.2_ZMZqzhAnAN&smid=url-share

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? Like 30? Do you know any 75 year olds? Because 75 isn’t very old.

DP. I feel the same way as OP. Yes, I know many 75 year olds, starting with my mother who is the reason I’ve started thinking like this.

It’s wonderful that many of you are surrounded by different people. But many of us think like this because of our experiences. In the end, we all fall apart and need as much care as babies. (Spare me your example of someone who died in their sleep after a life of good heath - they are so rare).

Pop! My great grandmother lived independently until 105. She then spontaneously died in get sleep one night. It happens. 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who needs to blow their brains out? That’s what the desert sun is made for! Do you know have many accidental dehydration deaths occur?? This is my plan anyways. And give it up people, 78 is old, maybe not too old but old.

I have a similar fantasy, but mine is to wait until a cold snap, get drunk, and then lay out on my porch and let hypothermia take me.