Hoping to die before I get old

[Anonymous]

Pete Townsend of The Who wrote “Hope I die before I get old” in the song “Talkin’ Bout My Generation.”

He’s 79 now. Seems happy. Kids don’t know everything.

[Anonymous]

I’m 47 with a chronic illness and very poor quality of life. My 75 and 83 year old parents are much healthier than I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try to focus more on what infirmity you’re trying to avoid rather than what age. My mom is 82 and flies all over the country alone to see her grandkids and takes guided tours abroad by herself. She’s in great health and living it up.

This. I know what I'm going to avoid and when I see signs (like dementia) or something happens (like wheelchair) I'm checking out. I feel very firm about this and I think it's going to be 60s for me. Which is why I want to retire now (in my 50s)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to focus more on what infirmity you’re trying to avoid rather than what age. My mom is 82 and flies all over the country alone to see her grandkids and takes guided tours abroad by herself. She’s in great health and living it up.

Not OP but trying to gain better understanding of truly independent elderly people.
Do you ever feel like your mom depends on you in any way, be it emotionally or in terms of competence? Like she needs help sorting out financial things?
My 80 yo father is more or less ok physically but he needs my help managing anything that’s beyond his everyday tasks, and even some of those. It is honestly extremely daunting. My friends’ parents are even worse as they are also less healthy and more demanding usually.

My dad is 83. He’s a college professor and he’s still teaching a class, driving to work, etc. He’s still living life the same way he’s always lived, and honestly helps me more than I help him.

[Anonymous]

If you make it past 65 and arent dead if a heart attack, stroke or aneurism, chances are you'll be fine into your very early 80s. That's when I've seen older folks fall apart health-wise. However, I have a great uncle who lived until 98, and while he had slowed down a little (didn't drive at night for example), his mind was sharp and his body slow, but very able and capable.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do. I do think personality plays a roll. The nice, easy going and optimistic relatives we had seemed to age better and be more gracious. I pray I am like that. I will be actively exploring options as I enter my 70s, especially options for if I get a dementia diagnosis. Death with dignity needs to be legal everywhere. If I catch dementia early I want to end up a year later and live large until then. My biggest fear is becoming an abusive tyrant and causing emotional harm to my children and grandchildren (if I am fortunate enough to have them).

[Anonymous]

Get a gun before you get too old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just suggest that people’s opinions on this will likely change the closer they get to being elderly. According to international surveys people in their later years are actually much happier than us cranky middle-aged folks.

https://www.brookings.edu/articles/this-happi...h-a-smile-literally/

Of course they are happier, they have their kids to make decisions for them and care for them. It’s the kids who aren’t so happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to focus more on what infirmity you’re trying to avoid rather than what age. My mom is 82 and flies all over the country alone to see her grandkids and takes guided tours abroad by herself. She’s in great health and living it up.

This. I know what I'm going to avoid and when I see signs (like dementia) or something happens (like wheelchair) I'm checking out. I feel very firm about this and I think it's going to be 60s for me. Which is why I want to retire now (in my 50s)!

Once you have dementia you won’t be able to make any rational decisions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to focus more on what infirmity you’re trying to avoid rather than what age. My mom is 82 and flies all over the country alone to see her grandkids and takes guided tours abroad by herself. She’s in great health and living it up.

Not OP but trying to gain better understanding of truly independent elderly people.
Do you ever feel like your mom depends on you in any way, be it emotionally or in terms of competence? Like she needs help sorting out financial things?
My 80 yo father is more or less ok physically but he needs my help managing anything that’s beyond his everyday tasks, and even some of those. It is honestly extremely daunting. My friends’ parents are even worse as they are also less healthy and more demanding usually.

My dad is 83. He’s a college professor and he’s still teaching a class, driving to work, etc. He’s still living life the same way he’s always lived, and honestly helps me more than I help him.

Kudos to your dad. I am glad people like this exist.
Maybe I am one of them some day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you make it past 65 and arent dead if a heart attack, stroke or aneurism, chances are you'll be fine into your very early 80s. That's when I've seen older folks fall apart health-wise. However, I have a great uncle who lived until 98, and while he had slowed down a little (didn't drive at night for example), his mind was sharp and his body slow, but very able and capable.

What do relatively healthy 80 year olds die from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just suggest that people’s opinions on this will likely change the closer they get to being elderly. According to international surveys people in their later years are actually much happier than us cranky middle-aged folks.

https://www.brookings.edu/articles/this-happi...h-a-smile-literally/

Of course they are happier, they have their kids to make decisions for them and care for them. It’s the kids who aren’t so happy.

This will sound grim, but I think the "happier" phase is when your parents are gone (assuming it was a long and awful death march with many emergencies and terrible behavior) and your kids are young adults. The sandwich is over and you have time to enjoy spouse/friends/hobbies and travel assuming you have enough savings. You ideally are at a point you are just earning more for retirement and aren't chained to your job. I think for many the 60s may be happier, maybe even early 70s, but as illness and frailty set in, it takes a really amazing personality and luck to stay happy. In my family mostly the miserable ones live the longest.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you can generalize. Unfortunately many people have a very poor quality of life from a relatively young age due to ill health etc. Other people are fully independent and full of beans into their 90s. So age is a very imperfect predictor of infirmity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just suggest that people’s opinions on this will likely change the closer they get to being elderly. According to international surveys people in their later years are actually much happier than us cranky middle-aged folks.

https://www.brookings.edu/articles/this-happi...h-a-smile-literally/

Of course they are happier, they have their kids to make decisions for them and care for them. It’s the kids who aren’t so happy.

and that is what all these posts are about--young people proclaiming "oh this is what I am going to do" but these really are messages to the currently or soon to be old to get themselves out of the way.

[Anonymous]

There's always someone who posts this on DCUM. I also have a friend who says that sort of thing.

But the reality is: when you get to that age at which you'd previously said you wanted to end it all, and not be a burden, and not be dependent on others... if you were to be given a real choice, you'd prefer to live.

It's only in cases of ALS, and similar, that some people do ask for that choice. They want the POWER OF CHOICE. Not necessarily to go through with ending their life. Some who live in countries which allow euthanasia and who have been given legal prescriptions, choose not to use them.

In the end, the most important factor seems to be perceived control over their end. Not actual control. I find that fascinating.