Husband wants a divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Did he move out?
Tell you his lawyers name?
File anything?

Had he threatened divorce in the past?

Is he a decent spouse, parent, partner?

[Anonymous]

I stopped threatening divorce as a means to resolve a conflict that had been going on for 8 years and was a severe issue but not divorce-worthy when my spouse took me seriously and moved out and asked for counseling. I didn't want a divorce, but I felt hopeless about resolving the issue. The issue will never be resolved but will mostly disappear when our kids become adults. I only threatened divorce because I was feeling hopeless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stopped threatening divorce as a means to resolve a conflict that had been going on for 8 years and was a severe issue but not divorce-worthy when my spouse took me seriously and moved out and asked for counseling. I didn't want a divorce, but I felt hopeless about resolving the issue. The issue will never be resolved but will mostly disappear when our kids become adults. I only threatened divorce because I was feeling hopeless.

You threatened divorce because you tried to manipulate your spouse. Lying and threatening divorce are major issues. You’re lucky he took you back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

Loveeeew the booty call. No strings attached.

This is weird advice. If hanging out cordially, working as a team for the kids, and having regular sex together are all possible, you should just... Stay married. 🧐

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Do nothing and call his bluff.

Plus do three top divorce attorney consult ls so ours ready for anything.

Then sit back and observe.

What makes you think it's a bluff?

Line up your ducks and wait for his lawyer’s letter.

Split and freeze the assets if you don’t trust time. Inv managers have a whole divorce hotline to do just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Do nothing and call his bluff.

Plus do three top divorce attorney consult ls so ours ready for anything.

Then sit back and observe.

What makes you think it's a bluff?

Because people who are piss poor verbal communicators threaten divorce to shut down conversations or discussions about issues. All the time. They also make lousy single parents.

[Anonymous]

Move as much money as you can into your name only, tell him you want child support, allimony, 60% of everything and 50-50 custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stopped threatening divorce as a means to resolve a conflict that had been going on for 8 years and was a severe issue but not divorce-worthy when my spouse took me seriously and moved out and asked for counseling. I didn't want a divorce, but I felt hopeless about resolving the issue. The issue will never be resolved but will mostly disappear when our kids become adults. I only threatened divorce because I was feeling hopeless.

You threatened divorce because you tried to manipulate your spouse. Lying and threatening divorce are major issues. You’re lucky he took you back.

No, it was a real threat. It was never a lie or a manipulation. At the time, I felt hopeless, and it took almost losing him to understand that the issue, though big and causing me significant stress, wasn't divorce-worthy, and in fact, very very little in our marriage is divorce-worthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say why he wants a divorce? Did he meet someone else, or is he just generally unhappy in the marriage? If it is the former, get out now. If it is the latter, perhaps he is having a mid-life or existential crisis that is not wholly about the marriage. In that case, you need to decide if it worth the effort to convince him to go to counseling, etc.

As if “I’m unhappy, I deserve more,” is an actual reason when you have a spouse, kids and a house.

He’s hiding the real reason. You’ll know eventually, but not now.

Unfortunately, a lot of divorces are for just that reason. Some people are selfish and will always but their own happiness first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say why he wants a divorce? Did he meet someone else, or is he just generally unhappy in the marriage? If it is the former, get out now. If it is the latter, perhaps he is having a mid-life or existential crisis that is not wholly about the marriage. In that case, you need to decide if it worth the effort to convince him to go to counseling, etc.

As if “I’m unhappy, I deserve more,” is an actual reason when you have a spouse, kids and a house.

He’s hiding the real reason. You’ll know eventually, but not now.

Unfortunately, a lot of divorces are for just that reason. Some people are selfish and will always but their own happiness first.

According to many unhinged ladies of dcum, this is a valid reason for divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say why he wants a divorce? Did he meet someone else, or is he just generally unhappy in the marriage? If it is the former, get out now. If it is the latter, perhaps he is having a mid-life or existential crisis that is not wholly about the marriage. In that case, you need to decide if it worth the effort to convince him to go to counseling, etc.

As if “I’m unhappy, I deserve more,” is an actual reason when you have a spouse, kids and a house.

He’s hiding the real reason. You’ll know eventually, but not now.

Unfortunately, a lot of divorces are for just that reason. Some people are selfish and will always but their own happiness first.

According to many unhinged ladies of dcum, this is a valid reason for divorce

But men put their happiness first in so many marriages, creating what you called "unhinged ladies". Men are willing to stick out marriages because their needs are adequately met because they put them first. Women, instead of divorcing, try acting like a man within the context of your marriage - put your needs first, certainly before your husband, but also your kids. Let all the house and parenting work default to him while you meet your needs. Then, instead of the "unhinged ladies of dcum" we'll have the "unhinged men of dcud".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry.

Divorce isn't so bad. Staying with someone who doesn't love you is worse

⬆️⬆️⬆️ and remind yourself through the process that the challenges and pain of divorce actually pale in comparison to remaining in a sh&&%y marriage. Hang in there! We got you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask him if he is ready to try therapy, meeting clergy or taking a trip so you two can give it one more try before calling it quits.

If you really want to save this marriage, ask him what would change his mind.

If nothing works, then let it go. You'll survive but you'll know why he asked and you'll know that you tried your best.

No. Someone who has asked for a divorce has thought about it for a long time. He's not going to change his mind. Don't drag it out with therapy. He's probably having an affair and already checked out.

Not necessarily. Sometimes people are just frustrated and can say things they don't mean if put against a wall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say why he wants a divorce? Did he meet someone else, or is he just generally unhappy in the marriage? If it is the former, get out now. If it is the latter, perhaps he is having a mid-life or existential crisis that is not wholly about the marriage. In that case, you need to decide if it worth the effort to convince him to go to counseling, etc.

As if “I’m unhappy, I deserve more,” is an actual reason when you have a spouse, kids and a house.

He’s hiding the real reason. You’ll know eventually, but not now.

Unfortunately, a lot of divorces are for just that reason. Some people are selfish and will always but their own happiness first.

That’s a false facade “reason”.

The real reason is they don’t want to do the work to be a good life partner or spouse or parent so just drudge along, dump all the work into their partner, get ignored back…..

Then one day they run into their friend Jimmy who is divorced and thinks it’s easy and great! For him. Fun weekends and trips with the kids!

And so he threatens divorce and wants to hit the Reset button solo or with a new woman, instead of patch things up with his wife and mother of his kids. It’s easier that way. For him.

On the way out he claims they fell out of love, he has no idea how, he’ll be happy, no pesky roommates demanding things of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say why he wants a divorce? Did he meet someone else, or is he just generally unhappy in the marriage? If it is the former, get out now. If it is the latter, perhaps he is having a mid-life or existential crisis that is not wholly about the marriage. In that case, you need to decide if it worth the effort to convince him to go to counseling, etc.

As if “I’m unhappy, I deserve more,” is an actual reason when you have a spouse, kids and a house.

He’s hiding the real reason. You’ll know eventually, but not now.

Unfortunately, a lot of divorces are for just that reason. Some people are selfish and will always but their own happiness first.

Barring abuse, alcoholism, and addictions, your children’s health, safety and happiness should come first once you’ve kids.

But if one parent checks out of family life and marital life, that destroys the relationship.