Husband wants a divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your friends or family involved. Sometimes they can mediate or help make the process more sensible highlighting points neither of you can see due to personal involvement.

No.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

Op please follow this excellent outside of box advice. Grass is not greener on the other side. Ignore all the trigger happy women of this board. There is no proof that your husband cheated. The fact that he asked for divorce could mean that you may need to work on your personality.

Very few people are trigger happy – at least not in this thread. Suggestions to talk to a lawyer to find out the various paths ahead is smart. One person suggested filing first. One. So maybe take your BS elsewhere and stop giving crap advice and lecturing people who have been badly hurt by someone they trusted.

Situations like OPs are not typical. When someone gets blindsided, their spouse has already formulated an exit plan and checked out long ago. This is not a situation where there has been a two way discussion that resulted in a separation. This is an FYI on the way out the door.

Recommending that someone "work on their personality" in hopes of winning back someone who has clearly spelled out that they no longer want to be there is not better than divorce. Sorrynotsorry, you insufferable POS.

Or it's just a threat because he doesn't know how else to fix a problem in the marriage. Has he actually moved out? Not arguing that OP should win him back or change herself, but trying to get to the bottom of the issue. OP should treat it, at minimum, as a serious warning and take protective measures around finances and other logistics.

She says he’s likely having an affair, so the reason for his departure is logical. It doesn’t seem a big mystery to OP.

Just because she says/thinks doesn’t make it true. There’s no proof

Yet. There's no proof yet.

What proof does she need of anything other than he literally told her he wants a divorce?

I'm don't disagree at all – I am 100% supportive of OP proceeding accordingly. No begging, no "altering her personality" whateverTF that means. I was responding to the PP who said "there's no proof" of an affair. OP might not have hard proof yet, but I'd bet a whole lot of money that it is just a matter of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

What? Booty calls with the spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

I don’t understand how this is better for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

What? Booty calls with the spouse?

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

I don’t understand how this is better for the kids.

Psycologically its better for children to have married parents than divorced

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

Op please follow this excellent outside of box advice. Grass is not greener on the other side. Ignore all the trigger happy women of this board. There is no proof that your husband cheated. The fact that he asked for divorce could mean that you may need to work on your personality.

Very few people are trigger happy – at least not in this thread. Suggestions to talk to a lawyer to find out the various paths ahead is smart. One person suggested filing first. One. So maybe take your BS elsewhere and stop giving crap advice and lecturing people who have been badly hurt by someone they trusted.

Situations like OPs are not typical. When someone gets blindsided, their spouse has already formulated an exit plan and checked out long ago. This is not a situation where there has been a two way discussion that resulted in a separation. This is an FYI on the way out the door.

Recommending that someone "work on their personality" in hopes of winning back someone who has clearly spelled out that they no longer want to be there is not better than divorce. Sorrynotsorry, you insufferable POS.

Or it's just a threat because he doesn't know how else to fix a problem in the marriage. Has he actually moved out? Not arguing that OP should win him back or change herself, but trying to get to the bottom of the issue. OP should treat it, at minimum, as a serious warning and take protective measures around finances and other logistics.

She says he’s likely having an affair, so the reason for his departure is logical. It doesn’t seem a big mystery to OP.

Just because she says/thinks doesn’t make it true. There’s no proof

Yet. There's no proof yet.

What proof does she need of anything other than he literally told her he wants a divorce?

Exactly. When someone tells you how they feel or what they want - Believe them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

I don’t understand how this is better for the kids.

Psycologically its better for children to have married parents than divorced

Yeah. No. It's psychologically better for children to have psychologically healthy divorced parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

Op please follow this excellent outside of box advice. Grass is not greener on the other side. Ignore all the trigger happy women of this board. There is no proof that your husband cheated. The fact that he asked for divorce could mean that you may need to work on your personality.

Very few people are trigger happy – at least not in this thread. Suggestions to talk to a lawyer to find out the various paths ahead is smart. One person suggested filing first. One. So maybe take your BS elsewhere and stop giving crap advice and lecturing people who have been badly hurt by someone they trusted.

Situations like OPs are not typical. When someone gets blindsided, their spouse has already formulated an exit plan and checked out long ago. This is not a situation where there has been a two way discussion that resulted in a separation. This is an FYI on the way out the door.

Recommending that someone "work on their personality" in hopes of winning back someone who has clearly spelled out that they no longer want to be there is not better than divorce. Sorrynotsorry, you insufferable POS.

Or it's just a threat because he doesn't know how else to fix a problem in the marriage. Has he actually moved out? Not arguing that OP should win him back or change herself, but trying to get to the bottom of the issue. OP should treat it, at minimum, as a serious warning and take protective measures around finances and other logistics.

She says he’s likely having an affair, so the reason for his departure is logical. It doesn’t seem a big mystery to OP.

Just because she says/thinks doesn’t make it true. There’s no proof

Eh. The only proof I had for a long time was a series of dreams that my ex was cheating. Eventually I felt I had enough tangible clues that pointed to an affair so I confronted. He denied, I pushed back, he admitted. Intuition is more powerful than some of you would believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

I don’t understand how this is better for the kids.

Psycologically its better for children to have married parents than divorced

Yeah. No. It's psychologically better for children to have psychologically healthy divorced parents.

Exactly! So tired of this old trope. Happy, healthy parents are always better for children than miserable ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

I don’t understand how this is better for the kids.

Psycologically its better for children to have married parents than divorced

Yeah. No. It's psychologically better for children to have psychologically healthy divorced parents.

Exactly! So tired of this old trope. Happy, healthy parents are always better for children than miserable ones.

My guess is that parents who are 50% happy and married is better than having parents who are 95% happy and divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

I don’t understand how this is better for the kids.

Psycologically its better for children to have married parents than divorced

Yeah. No. It's psychologically better for children to have psychologically healthy divorced parents.

Exactly! So tired of this old trope. Happy, healthy parents are always better for children than miserable ones.

My guess is that parents who are 50% happy and married is better than having parents who are 95% happy and divorced.

You really need to face your fears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stopped threatening divorce as a means to resolve a conflict that had been going on for 8 years and was a severe issue but not divorce-worthy when my spouse took me seriously and moved out and asked for counseling. I didn't want a divorce, but I felt hopeless about resolving the issue. The issue will never be resolved but will mostly disappear when our kids become adults. I only threatened divorce because I was feeling hopeless.

Threatening divorce is abusive. I divorced my ex-husband for that eventually. He had plenty of warnings to stop doing it.

Most people, myself included, don’t threaten divorce lightly. It comes after years of unresolved conflict which leads to resentment and destroys goodwill. The only reason it was a threat and not an actual service of divorce papers was putting the kids first. If we had enough goodwill that I cared if it was an “abusive” act, then it never would have gotten to that point in the first place. If the kids were out of the house, it would’ve been an easy decision to divorce without the need for threats.

So you’re abusive and manipulated him for the sake of the kids? Yikes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

Op please follow this excellent outside of box advice. Grass is not greener on the other side. Ignore all the trigger happy women of this board. There is no proof that your husband cheated. The fact that he asked for divorce could mean that you may need to work on your personality.

HOW DO YOU STAY MARRIED TO SOMEONE WHO INITIATES DIVORCE???????

Yeah, I don’t know if it’s one dim bulb who doesn’t get this or multiple people actually think you can stay married to someone who’s already left the building.

If he left the building due to op’s terrible personality, she can stay married by improving her personality

It doesn’t even matter why. He said he no longer wants to be married to her, and doesn’t want to go to therapy to discuss it. He’s done. You can’t play tug of war when the other person has dropped the rope and walked away. You cannot force someone to stay married to you. Divorce does not need a two party agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

I don’t understand how this is better for the kids.

Psycologically its better for children to have married parents than divorced

You actually think it’s better for kids to have separated parents banging other people and living separate lives who just happen to still be in a legal contact? Do you even have kids? You sound high AF