Husband wants a divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say why he wants a divorce? Did he meet someone else, or is he just generally unhappy in the marriage? If it is the former, get out now. If it is the latter, perhaps he is having a mid-life or existential crisis that is not wholly about the marriage. In that case, you need to decide if it worth the effort to convince him to go to counseling, etc.

As if “I’m unhappy, I deserve more,” is an actual reason when you have a spouse, kids and a house.

He’s hiding the real reason. You’ll know eventually, but not now.

Unfortunately, a lot of divorces are for just that reason. Some people are selfish and will always but their own happiness first.

According to many unhinged ladies of dcum, this is a valid reason for divorce

But men put their happiness first in so many marriages, creating what you called "unhinged ladies". Men are willing to stick out marriages because their needs are adequately met because they put them first. Women, instead of divorcing, try acting like a man within the context of your marriage - put your needs first, certainly before your husband, but also your kids. Let all the house and parenting work default to him while you meet your needs. Then, instead of the "unhinged ladies of dcum" we'll have the "unhinged men of dcud".

Poor kids

Now they have two neglectful, absentee, selfish parents instead of one. And a $hitty messy home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say why he wants a divorce? Did he meet someone else, or is he just generally unhappy in the marriage? If it is the former, get out now. If it is the latter, perhaps he is having a mid-life or existential crisis that is not wholly about the marriage. In that case, you need to decide if it worth the effort to convince him to go to counseling, etc.

As if “I’m unhappy, I deserve more,” is an actual reason when you have a spouse, kids and a house.

He’s hiding the real reason. You’ll know eventually, but not now.

Unfortunately, a lot of divorces are for just that reason. Some people are selfish and will always but their own happiness first.

That’s a false facade “reason”.

The real reason is they don’t want to do the work to be a good life partner or spouse or parent so just drudge along, dump all the work into their partner, get ignored back…..

Then one day they run into their friend Jimmy who is divorced and thinks it’s easy and great! For him. Fun weekends and trips with the kids!

And so he threatens divorce and wants to hit the Reset button solo or with a new woman, instead of patch things up with his wife and mother of his kids. It’s easier that way. For him.

On the way out he claims they fell out of love, he has no idea how, he’ll be happy, no pesky roommates demanding things of him.

PP was describing women. It’s women who are selfish and act this way. Women initiate most divorces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say why he wants a divorce? Did he meet someone else, or is he just generally unhappy in the marriage? If it is the former, get out now. If it is the latter, perhaps he is having a mid-life or existential crisis that is not wholly about the marriage. In that case, you need to decide if it worth the effort to convince him to go to counseling, etc.

As if “I’m unhappy, I deserve more,” is an actual reason when you have a spouse, kids and a house.

He’s hiding the real reason. You’ll know eventually, but not now.

Unfortunately, a lot of divorces are for just that reason. Some people are selfish and will always but their own happiness first.

That’s a false facade “reason”.

The real reason is they don’t want to do the work to be a good life partner or spouse or parent so just drudge along, dump all the work into their partner, get ignored back…..

Then one day they run into their friend Jimmy who is divorced and thinks it’s easy and great! For him. Fun weekends and trips with the kids!

And so he threatens divorce and wants to hit the Reset button solo or with a new woman, instead of patch things up with his wife and mother of his kids. It’s easier that way. For him.

On the way out he claims they fell out of love, he has no idea how, he’ll be happy, no pesky roommates demanding things of him.

PP was describing women. It’s women who are selfish and act this way. Women initiate most divorces.

Why are you so fixated on this that you comment endlessly whenever/wherever possible? You have a problem with women deciding to get rid of their baggage? You have a problem with women having actual balls to get out of bad relationships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Did he say why he wants one? It's unusual for the man to be the one to leave, as 80% or more of divorces are initiated by the woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Did he say why he wants one? It's unusual for the man to be the one to leave, as 80% or more of divorces are initiated by the woman.

Yeah and in the 20% where the man initiates it's ALWAYS because he has a side piece. Women don't need a side piece to leave crappy marriages. They just do it.

[Anonymous]

OP Here

There has been a lot of mistrust in our marriage. I suspect he is having an affair with a co-worker but I don’t have definitive evidence yet. I’m going to start looking for lawyers soon. Thanks for the advice.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand these women who have affairs with married men. Do they like "stealing" a man? Yes, it's his fault too, but why not just run, or date someone actually available? And do they think that he won't do the same to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand these women who have affairs with married men. Do they like "stealing" a man? Yes, it's his fault too, but why not just run, or date someone actually available? And do they think that he won't do the same to them?

They're thirsty and fundamentally damaged. And they can't do better than a damaged man so they'll convince themselves it's really truly the truest love and it was meant to be. I have moments of feeling sorry for my ex's AP because she probably hasn't experienced his true self yet but then I think "nah" and then thank the universe for taking that mess off my hands. Therapy is available to most semi-functioning adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here

There has been a lot of mistrust in our marriage. I suspect he is having an affair with a co-worker but I don’t have definitive evidence yet. I’m going to start looking for lawyers soon. Thanks for the advice.

I’m so sorry OP. I hate to say it but welcome to the club. There are a lot of us in the same boat recently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here

There has been a lot of mistrust in our marriage. I suspect he is having an affair with a co-worker but I don’t have definitive evidence yet. I’m going to start looking for lawyers soon. Thanks for the advice.

Correct attitude. Lawyer up, get therapy for yourself if you need to and don’t do the pick-me dance. If you need support go to survivinginfidelity.com.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stopped threatening divorce as a means to resolve a conflict that had been going on for 8 years and was a severe issue but not divorce-worthy when my spouse took me seriously and moved out and asked for counseling. I didn't want a divorce, but I felt hopeless about resolving the issue. The issue will never be resolved but will mostly disappear when our kids become adults. I only threatened divorce because I was feeling hopeless.

You threatened divorce because you tried to manipulate your spouse. Lying and threatening divorce are major issues. You’re lucky he took you back.

No, it was a real threat. It was never a lie or a manipulation. At the time, I felt hopeless, and it took almost losing him to understand that the issue, though big and causing me significant stress, wasn't divorce-worthy, and in fact, very very little in our marriage is divorce-worthy.

Using divorce as a manipulation tactic is disgusting. It’s actually abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Did he say why he wants one? It's unusual for the man to be the one to leave, as 80% or more of divorces are initiated by the woman.

Yeah and in the 20% where the man initiates it's ALWAYS because he has a side piece. Women don't need a side piece to leave crappy marriages. They just do it.

Well it’s mostly when the wife has a side piece, actually. Most men will initiate divorce under those circumstances while 65% of women stay.

He definitely has a side piece or is in the throws of contacting a bunch online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Did he say why he wants one? It's unusual for the man to be the one to leave, as 80% or more of divorces are initiated by the woman.

Yeah and in the 20% where the man initiates it's ALWAYS because he has a side piece. Women don't need a side piece to leave crappy marriages. They just do it.

If the man is not cheating, and not being overly physically abusive, then why would the marriage be crappy?

People seem to divorce over every little thing these days, rather than being adults and sticking it out and learning to live with someone. Is why divorce rates are sky high now, going from 5% in the 1940s to over 65% now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a lawyer and file first.

Bam!