Is this emotionally abusive/mean ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either get therapy, move out, or stop whining.

Go eff yourself. I have always been an incredibly helpful kind child and have always stayed out of trouble. I do not deserve to feel this way and suffer like this. Especially not since I was a child.

Im not whining. I am someone who is breaking down emotionally. I definitely did not ask for advice from someone like YOU

Not the PP but you are twenty years old! Are you in school? Community college will take anyone who has graduated high school. There are buses that can get you there. Are you working full time? If not, why not?

No one can give or take away your independence! Take agency over your life! Dont make excuses. Today is a great time to start. Register for classes, apply to jobs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like very controlling behavior, yes. May I ask why you are still at home? Is this because of work/money or social challenges?

I can afford to live on my own. But I play peacemaker. Like as we speak right now my mom is going on a tangent and all of us are taking it cause were used to it.

If i dont live here my mom wont talk to anyone. She constantly says she doesnt know what she would do without me. And that shes so happy that i live at home. Thats not okay because it gives me a burden of not living my life

You need to become independent and out of the house to have an objective opinion. You'll be able to help others after helping yourself. In current circumstances, you aren't helping anyone.

[Anonymous]

Are you disabled? If not then you need to stop making excuses and build a life of your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like very controlling behavior, yes. May I ask why you are still at home? Is this because of work/money or social challenges?

I can afford to live on my own. But I play peacemaker. Like as we speak right now my mom is going on a tangent and all of us are taking it cause were used to it.

If i dont live here my mom wont talk to anyone. She constantly says she doesnt know what she would do without me. And that shes so happy that i live at home. Thats not okay because it gives me a burden of not living my life

You cannot blame that on your mom. You elect to take that on so own it.

As for whether the behavior is abusive - I agree with PP that you don’t need to label it. It makes you feel bad so deal with that too. You are making yourself the victim when you let people do this to you. This isn’t something you’re incapable of dealing with. You just choose not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sees wasted potential and feels disappointed because you haven't done much to use it. Her expressions may seem sarcastic but probably rooted in fear of future. You need to do more and analyze less. Once you have your act together, seek therapy to sort your emotional life and parental relationship.

NP. Please don't excuse abusive behavior. OP's mom may have anxieties about her or she may have a personality disorder, but she should not treat her daughter this way.

OP, move out. You feel infantilized and parentafized at the same time while living under her roof. She belittles you, and tells you you're indispensable to her emotional well being. You may never really find out what her mental issues are, but you owe it to yourself to take control of your own life. You have agency. Use it.

My mom was also extremely controlling and at the same time emotionally reliant on me. As soon as I found a job after college I moved out. My confidence soared. I took risks and thrived. None of it would be possible if I continued to live at home.

[Anonymous]

Can you provide the link to your previous question?

[Anonymous]

Is this abusive, probably but you can leave the benefits and create an independent life where nobody can boss you around. You aren't locked in a basement, victim mentality isn't justified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either get therapy, move out, or stop whining.

Go eff yourself. I have always been an incredibly helpful kind child and have always stayed out of trouble. I do not deserve to feel this way and suffer like this. Especially not since I was a child.

Im not whining. I am someone who is breaking down emotionally. I definitely did not ask for advice from someone like YOU

You are TA.

Move out or shut up, incredibly helpful kind child.

[Anonymous]

Grow up.
Go visit some apartments and rent one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either get therapy, move out, or stop whining.

Go eff yourself. I have always been an incredibly helpful kind child and have always stayed out of trouble. I do not deserve to feel this way and suffer like this. Especially not since I was a child.

Im not whining. I am someone who is breaking down emotionally. I definitely did not ask for advice from someone like YOU

That's some irony, telling someone how you are incredibly kind and helpful while telling them to eff off.

You sound like a petulant, nasty little girl who does need to stop whining and grow up. Doesn't seem likely though based on your other responses to people.

--NP

Wow Im happy i could help you release some of whatever that is 👍🏼

Try this on your mom and tell us how it went.

[Anonymous]

Are you capable? Do you have a full time job where you can support yourself? Or is your mom telling you the truth in a way, that you (at this time) wouldn’t be able to support yourself?

I think it is time to stop being the peacemaker - honestly, doesn’t sound like it’s that peaceful in your house anyway.

Time to make a plan. She’s done mothering. That’s fair, she’s been doing it for a while. You’re ready to get out. Will be tough for both of you, but much better than continuing in this pattern.

[Anonymous]

You definitely seem like you are over sensitive and not just to your mom. For instance, you said you overplucked your eyebrows but when your mom commented that it was too much, you think that’s abusive. She’s a person—she doesn’t have to be a constant ray of sunshine for you. You admitted that other times she does encourage you and express pride in you. And when a PP suggested you not post multiple threads, you got really upset at that poster and defensive. I think that perhaps taking a step back and assessing why you are so defensive would be helpful.

But either way. I don’t see why you don’t just move out. You said you can afford to, and this situation is making you unhappy. So move out! You can still visit as much as you’d like and your relationship will probably improve. My guess is that she is also somewhat stressed out by the proximity of your relationship, since it seems pretty fraught.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

No, she’s fine.
You wanna move out, so do it. Stop “threatening “ and go live your own life

[Anonymous]

I don't think your mom is emotionally abusive, but I think she doesn't have a filter when she talks and she says things without thinking. If you have a friend or acquaintance who wants to share an apartment, that might make it easier to move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes your mom is emotionally abusive.

No she’s not. Gimme a break