Is my wife being unrealistic about her expectations of my work life balance?

[Anonymous]

Nope. You aren’t in the wrong. Your wife is being a bit dramatic.
Probably worth having another convo on your work life balance as working adults …

[Anonymous]

My husband would pass out. She’s being ridiculous. She needs to get out the house more, the big kid needs a nanny if she can’t handle. What’s the plan for when she does back to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. You aren’t in the wrong. Your wife is being a bit dramatic.
Probably worth having another convo on your work life balance as working adults …

Road to divorce.
This family needs more helping hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Horrible expectations from a mom who is still recovering from childbirth, isolated, has young kids.

What a stupid society and culture.

Congratulations on doing better on your career and having a job. Your household needs to outsource chores , grandparents need to step up, you also need a part time baby sitter/nanny.

No.

Agree +1
Can’t make grandparents do anything

[Anonymous]

Your wife is a lunatic. It may be because of the hormones and being lonely, but she’s being crazy nonetheless.

Working 5-10 extra minutes after 5pm every day, and having a 5 hour block of commitment (in lieu of flying to the west coast for four days) once a quarter does not make for a “less flexible job doing a stressful time” as another poster suggested.

Your wife is currently on mat leave and should be able to figure out two kids for one day. You already do morning drop off normally.

There is a zero percent change your wife is going back to work, just to warn you. She can’t handle a single snow day with two kids, so she sure isn’t going to handle balancing two kids and a job. Plan accordingly. And know that all the help you hire now she’ll insist on keeping when she continues to stay home.

[Anonymous]

If she is on maternity leave and you have important presentations you are 100% work and she is 100% family that workday.

You should probably go in person in the future if things are very important. Schedule around in-laws help or hired help (sounds like you can afford this).

I had some freak out moments when kids were younger and DH had to be firm that "I am sorry this is difficult, it is difficult for both of us, if I do not do x/y/z we may lose my income so I am doing this FOR US." He makes 5x more than I do and does a good share of parenting so I have no complaints. These things are hard to hear especially when the gender balance is uncomfortable, but if a high-earning job is on the line it is what it is.

Talk calmly about plans for future travel and your plan for her return work and division of labor. If she needs clarity in the 5pm hour the answer may be SHE is the constant. It sounds to be like if you are around in the AM and free mostly at 5ish (not 8ish) that is pretty flexible on your work's part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t cave. I caved and my career went in the toilet. To make matters worse, my wife still gets mad at me for working too much and not doing enough around the house.

Ufff...beta males who have tanked careers are so annoying. So much blame game and no ability to make more money. If you plan for babies and children then you line up help for raising them too .

Child rearing and prime earning years happen in the same time frame. So, you should be prepared to get extra help so everyone can be healthy, happy and productive to the best of their abilities.

Otherwise, stop having sex and stop producing kids.

OP, will you be going to get a vasectomy now? Because if you cannot take that step after your wife had two kids then you are all talk and a selfish person.

[Anonymous]

FWIW I was not cut out to work full time with little kids but I was also not cut out to be home full time (this is obviously a huge privilege and I was capable but I am talking about optimal mental health and family dynamics).

A good solution for us was I had my own gig-based business when I had very small kids and at age 3 I went back PT during the day when they were in school. I was able to do pick-up (we took turns with drop off) and give my kids structure and socialization while also having some structure and socialization myself. I have teens now and have had a good, flexible, fulfillling FT job for a while (while still being home after school, even if I am busy with work sometimes while at home). It's been the dream.

Can she work PT, both in terms of $ and meaning?

[Anonymous]

You both are working and both need to figure it out. You need to hire a full time nanny.

[Anonymous]

What she is "expecting" of is unimportant. Your job is your job. She has not power to change your job.

I imagine it is more a general disinterest or inability to be present, and help. To give your wife your focus, your family your focus. Help with your time. Case in point - you had time to type this all out. That's odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You both are working and both need to figure it out. You need to hire a full time nanny.

Agreed. As well as cleaning help.

[Anonymous]

Oooohhhh ...I have just understood why there are the SAHM vs WOHM wars.

Mostly, WOHMs only hate the SAHMs who have help.
And that is because the DHs of these SAHMs respect the hard work it is to be a SAHM and happily pay to hire more help.

WOHMs don't hate the SAHMs who are poor and are slaving away at home without help or money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oooohhhh ...I have just understood why there are the SAHM vs WOHM wars.

Mostly, WOHMs only hate the SAHMs who have help.
And that is because the DHs of these SAHMs respect the hard work it is to be a SAHM and happily pay to hire more help.

WOHMs don't hate the SAHMs who are poor and are slaving away at home without help or money.

This has nothing to do with it. They choose to have three kids and that's a lot. Dad expects the bulk of the burden on mom with him helping when he feels like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oooohhhh ...I have just understood why there are the SAHM vs WOHM wars.

Mostly, WOHMs only hate the SAHMs who have help.
And that is because the DHs of these SAHMs respect the hard work it is to be a SAHM and happily pay to hire more help.

WOHMs don't hate the SAHMs who are poor and are slaving away at home without help or money.

This has nothing to do with it. They choose to have three kids and that's a lot. Dad expects the bulk of the burden on mom with him helping when he feels like it.

WHAT? 3 kids!!! I can't believe that I did not read the OP better. I thought there were only 2 kids (which is bad enough). No sympathy for people with 3 kids. So horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oooohhhh ...I have just understood why there are the SAHM vs WOHM wars.

Mostly, WOHMs only hate the SAHMs who have help.
And that is because the DHs of these SAHMs respect the hard work it is to be a SAHM and happily pay to hire more help.

WOHMs don't hate the SAHMs who are poor and are slaving away at home without help or money.

This has nothing to do with it. They choose to have three kids and that's a lot. Dad expects the bulk of the burden on mom with him helping when he feels like it.

WHAT? 3 kids!!! I can't believe that I did not read the OP better. I thought there were only 2 kids (which is bad enough). No sympathy for people with 3 kids. So horrible.

Wait..No. OP has only 2 kids. And he is a dickhead.