Sad because I feel like I'm not cut out to have another child

[Anonymous]

Choosing to stop at one because you are at your capacity is not selfish. In fact, it's a gift to your current child. You want to be the best parent you can, that's an amazing place to start!

Also, you don't need to decide right now. You can wait a bit and see how you feel once your current child is a bit older. They do not need to be back to back.

[Anonymous]

One kid is enough. Having your second in your late 30s/early 40s isn't going to make it any easier.

[Anonymous]

Having 1 is fine OP, but also you don’t have to make a forever decision right now.

You could feel totally different once your firstborn is 3 or 4 and more independent. Fully verbal, potty trained kids who can actually do activities with you are way more fun than the baby stage. In a few years you may decide the newborn hell year is worth going through to have another one. Or you might not. Either way is ok!

I have 3, but after a rough delivery with my 2nd wasn’t if I could do it again. But 4 years later I couldn’t let go of wanting 1 more and we decided to have a third. Conversely I have a friend who had always wanted a big family and stopped at 1 because she couldn’t bring herself to go through it again. Feelings change all the time, so try to just put the thought to the side for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a normal feeling at all. Someone who is well off with plentiful resources, time and support should not feel overwhelmed with one child. This sounds like an issue with you currently, not something that just may be provoked with a second kid, and you owe it to your current kid to work with a therapist and figure it out.

It is actually a completely normal feeling. And it's also completely normal to not want any children. Not all women want to be baby making and baby rearing machines.

No, thousands of years of history tells us that’s not normal. At all. There are exceptions but that is far from the norm. The only time not having babies became ‘normalized’ in any society is immediately preceding a complete societal collapse. Read a book.

There were not reliable forms of birth control until several decades ago. Women weren't able to make decisions about their fertility until recently (although that is currently under threat). Your claim is baseless when women had basically no birth control options for "thousands of years of history" short of celibacy.

[Anonymous]

I was an only and have an only. I definitely got resources as an only that have benefited me as an adult. My husband and I were both older with ours so we were limited on time. We knew within the first year that we were done. Honestly, we were so lucky with our daughter that I couldn’t rolling the dice again. Easy pregnancy, strong healthy baby. And now I’ve got a little spitfire who’s an interesting combination of just like me and not at all like me. Enjoy your child and don’t feel the least bit guilty. If you need to grieve the loss of what you thought you would have, that’s perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh goodness.

1. Get off social media, or change your algorithm. My algorithm currently thinks I’m a fat teacher obsessed with cancer. Get off social media.

I’m loling because SAME! And I am honestly none of those things!

It also thinks I’m obsessed with the UK, especially Scotland, which is more accurate.

[Anonymous]

We have an only and a very happy family. We had a hard first year dealing with PPD/PPA and a baby with reflux and sleep issues. The idea of another at that point made me physically sick to my stomach. I was barley keeping it together. We left the question open. By the time my baby was 3/4 we felt like we could handle another but to be honest we decided we were happy with our family. It was a long discussion over the course of a year or so between DH and I. We got to the point where we both were willing to have another but neither of us strongly wanted another. We decided if neither of us felt that strongly, that we would just embrace our small family. Now our only is in middle school. We have time, flexibility and money for travel, private school, travel sports etc. We also have a calm life (compared to family friends with more kids) which suits our personalities well. Small families have advantages and disadvantages just like large families. Its okay to not want another one now, and its okay to revisit that question over the next couple years and see how you and your partner are feeling.

[Anonymous]

Don't have any more children and give social media a break.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the plan we have in our head doesnt actually pan out - and that is ok! You thought you'd have two, you have one and changed your mind. Don't feel guilty. Be the best parent to your kid that you can be, and it'll be worth it!

[Anonymous]

I never wanted kids, until l went through some big life changes at 35 and changed my mind. So l have one.

I remember being 7 years old thinking l would never be married or have kids. I did end up getting married at 27 anyways.


So very different from you, l just bring it up to say we can change a lot over the years, and thinking you always wanted 0 or 1 or 2 or 10 isn’t something you should feel bad about if you change your mind or your circumstances charge or for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s great that you recognize this, and can change to one child instead of two. Parenting is very hard and all-consuming work. Juggling a job and responsibilities makes it harder. Focus on your one child and know you are doing the right thing!

[Anonymous]

I was so overwhelmed with my first, I still remember it as the darkest time in my life thus far. I had my second when the first was 20 months and while it was obviously exhausting, it was so much easier. For me, going from 0 to 1 was exponentially harder than 1 to 2 or 2 to 3.

That said, there’s nothing wrong with stopping at 1 kid. You may feel differently as your DC gets a bit older, or you may not. It’s a win-win either way, whether you have another or stop at one.

[Anonymous]

Baby and toddler years can be tough for some. You don't need to be making final family planning decisions right now when you're in the thick of it all. Give yourself a break. Better days are ahead, hopefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a normal feeling at all. Someone who is well off with plentiful resources, time and support should not feel overwhelmed with one child. This sounds like an issue with you currently, not something that just may be provoked with a second kid, and you owe it to your current kid to work with a therapist and figure it out.

It is actually a completely normal feeling. And it's also completely normal to not want any children. Not all women want to be baby making and baby rearing machines.

No, thousands of years of history tells us that’s not normal. At all. There are exceptions but that is far from the norm. The only time not having babies became ‘normalized’ in any society is immediately preceding a complete societal collapse. Read a book.

As soon as women have access to birth control and education they end up having dramatically less babies.

https://www.washington.edu/news/2020/09/08/how-birth-control-girls-education-can-slow-population-growth/

+1 PP should read a book and understand that having multiple kids in the past was not by choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just sayin' two kids is actually easier than one in many respects after the youngest is a year old. I'd go for it and I would go for it right now. If you wait, you will not ever want to go back. Just gut out that first year again. And if you didn't like breastfeeding, do it for 6 weeks and then feed formula. My pediatrician said about 50% of the benefits of breastfeeding are incurred in the first 6 weeks!

Woof I do not agree with the first part of this at all! I love my two and two was right for my family but easier than one? Heck to the no!! Have you met a family with one 7 year old girl??? It’s like the calmest place on the planet typically from my experience. I know not always but seriously. When you have a second it isn’t just another child you’re managing but also the sibling dynamic. Is that piece also a ton of fun and does it sometimes mean a playmate? For sure. But easier seems like quite the stretch. One you can so easily switch off.

I do agree with others though to just go easy on yourself op you’re still early on. That first year is so hard on many of us! For me it has gotten easier and easier as time has gone on generally. The newborn period was SO so hard for me. And it was again for my second I will not lie. But turns out I’m a fantastic fun as heck elementary age mom. It is FUN now. And hard at times too for SURE. But so so different than those early days. That doesn’t mean have a second. But just don’t push yourself to make the call yet. Wait a year or two, see how things feel.