Come in if you recently raised successful young adults

[Anonymous]

I think we did, but there were some rocky times mid 20s to mid 30s that we never saw coming. They had to go through some experiential learning, so to speak.

Here's the thing- each person comes with their own personality, they develop a generational mindset that stems from the gestalt around them, and, yes, genetics matter. One of my kids is pretty much my MIL, as an example.

I had my experiential journey in my early 20s, later generations seem to have a longer trajectory. Parents really don't "mold" kids as we think.

[Anonymous]

We started when they were pretty young by setting a good example in terms of a happy home/marriage, working hard, saving money and talking about those things. We also put a priority on education over other activities though we encouraged them to participate. We didn’t spoil them and they all had chores to do. We were and are a very close family and that always set a very good tone. Now they are all very successful, happily married and parents. There wasn’t anything magic about it.

[Anonymous]

Don't skew things to your kid's advantage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no magic formula other than being caring and involved parents.

While no "magic formula" I do think expecting your kids to do more and more responsibilities as they grow up helps with being a "fully launched adult" come age 22 (end of college). The amount of kids who hit college and have never done a load of laundry is astounding.

We gave our kids more and more responsibilities over time. By age 16 we would leave for the weekend (only once in a while) with the 16 yo in charge of the 12 yo and themselves for 1-2 days. They had a CC and were trustworthy (and friends were nearby to assist if needed). Basically we trusted them and let them have more responsibilities as long as they didn't do something stupid. SO by time they go to college, they have been in charge of a lot. We wanted them to make their mistakes while still at home, with some guidance (and there were some mistakes, but nothing major).



Whereas I have other parents who won't leave their 17 yo home alone for a night, because they "don't trust them". Which to me is a bit scary

Sounds like this was a smart move

Yes, it definately is. Giving your kids more responsibilities over time, rather than just sending them off to college and expecting them to figure it out (when there are no guardrails really) is not the best idea. In reality, we started even younger. when the oldest was 12/13 (youngest was 8/9) we left them for 1-2 nights, with pizza money, food to cook/heat up, and the ability to bike/walk to mini-mart(this was pre UberEats) and adults in the neighborhood to help if needed (and we were only 1 hour away). Our kids did fine---knew which friends could know they were "home alone" and which could not. It gave the oldest a huge sense of accomplishment---they did fine, and helped them mature. Now obviously you don't do that if you don't trust them/they are not ready. But it goes a long way to developing maturity in kids if you just let them have more responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no magic formula other than being caring and involved parents.

While no "magic formula" I do think expecting your kids to do more and more responsibilities as they grow up helps with being a "fully launched adult" come age 22 (end of college). The amount of kids who hit college and have never done a load of laundry is astounding.

We gave our kids more and more responsibilities over time. By age 16 we would leave for the weekend (only once in a while) with the 16 yo in charge of the 12 yo and themselves for 1-2 days. They had a CC and were trustworthy (and friends were nearby to assist if needed). Basically we trusted them and let them have more responsibilities as long as they didn't do something stupid. SO by time they go to college, they have been in charge of a lot. We wanted them to make their mistakes while still at home, with some guidance (and there were some mistakes, but nothing major).

Whereas I have other parents who won't leave their 17 yo home alone for a night, because they "don't trust them". Which to me is a bit scary

My kids never did laundry until college, managed it well and became academically, socially, professionally and relationally successful. It's a good skill to learn but your success of any kind isn't dependent on it, or on doing odd jobs.

Why would you NOT want your teens to learn "odd jobs" like laundry, running the dishwasher (no you don't use the dawn dish soap), etc?!?! It is part of becoming a fully functioning adult. We found it was helpful to have our kids learn that and contribute to the family once they were old enough to do tasks. I'm not talking 2 hours of chores per day, but being 12/13 and doing your own laundry is not a big time consumer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no magic formula other than being caring and involved parents.

While no "magic formula" I do think expecting your kids to do more and more responsibilities as they grow up helps with being a "fully launched adult" come age 22 (end of college). The amount of kids who hit college and have never done a load of laundry is astounding.

We gave our kids more and more responsibilities over time. By age 16 we would leave for the weekend (only once in a while) with the 16 yo in charge of the 12 yo and themselves for 1-2 days. They had a CC and were trustworthy (and friends were nearby to assist if needed). Basically we trusted them and let them have more responsibilities as long as they didn't do something stupid. SO by time they go to college, they have been in charge of a lot. We wanted them to make their mistakes while still at home, with some guidance (and there were some mistakes, but nothing major).

Whereas I have other parents who won't leave their 17 yo home alone for a night, because they "don't trust them". Which to me is a bit scary

My kids never did laundry until college, managed it well and became academically, socially, professionally and relationally successful. It's a good skill to learn but your success of any kind isn't dependent on it, or on doing odd jobs.

Why would you NOT want your teens to learn "odd jobs" like laundry, running the dishwasher (no you don't use the dawn dish soap), etc?!?! It is part of becoming a fully functioning adult. We found it was helpful to have our kids learn that and contribute to the family once they were old enough to do tasks. I'm not talking 2 hours of chores per day, but being 12/13 and doing your own laundry is not a big time consumer.

Because it’s just easier for me to do the laundry than to go do my laundry and find the laundry in the washer or dryer.

I work from home and they are gone from 7 AM to seven or 8 PM every day with school sports, etc.

My oldest did do his own laundry Junior senior year of high school, but that is a long story and it wasn’t something I did because I thought he needed to do his own laundry to be a functioning human.

My husband does do his own laundry.

[Anonymous]

Should have said NP ^**^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no magic formula other than being caring and involved parents.

While no "magic formula" I do think expecting your kids to do more and more responsibilities as they grow up helps with being a "fully launched adult" come age 22 (end of college). The amount of kids who hit college and have never done a load of laundry is astounding.

We gave our kids more and more responsibilities over time. By age 16 we would leave for the weekend (only once in a while) with the 16 yo in charge of the 12 yo and themselves for 1-2 days. They had a CC and were trustworthy (and friends were nearby to assist if needed). Basically we trusted them and let them have more responsibilities as long as they didn't do something stupid. SO by time they go to college, they have been in charge of a lot. We wanted them to make their mistakes while still at home, with some guidance (and there were some mistakes, but nothing major).

Whereas I have other parents who won't leave their 17 yo home alone for a night, because they "don't trust them". Which to me is a bit scary

My kids never did laundry until college, managed it well and became academically, socially, professionally and relationally successful. Its a good skill to learn but your success of any kind isn't dependent on it, or on doing odd jobs.

Same here, I never had any chores at home. But very high expectations on academics and other fronts.

I'm married with two kids, own a home, good career etc. Its not rocket science to figure it out. Haven't lived with my parents since starting college. It's been fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no magic formula other than being caring and involved parents.

While no "magic formula" I do think expecting your kids to do more and more responsibilities as they grow up helps with being a "fully launched adult" come age 22 (end of college). The amount of kids who hit college and have never done a load of laundry is astounding.

We gave our kids more and more responsibilities over time. By age 16 we would leave for the weekend (only once in a while) with the 16 yo in charge of the 12 yo and themselves for 1-2 days. They had a CC and were trustworthy (and friends were nearby to assist if needed). Basically we trusted them and let them have more responsibilities as long as they didn't do something stupid. SO by time they go to college, they have been in charge of a lot. We wanted them to make their mistakes while still at home, with some guidance (and there were some mistakes, but nothing major).

Whereas I have other parents who won't leave their 17 yo home alone for a night, because they "don't trust them". Which to me is a bit scary

My kids never did laundry until college, managed it well and became academically, socially, professionally and relationally successful. It's a good skill to learn but your success of any kind isn't dependent on it, or on doing odd jobs.

Why would you NOT want your teens to learn "odd jobs" like laundry, running the dishwasher (no you don't use the dawn dish soap), etc?!?! It is part of becoming a fully functioning adult. We found it was helpful to have our kids learn that and contribute to the family once they were old enough to do tasks. I'm not talking 2 hours of chores per day, but being 12/13 and doing your own laundry is not a big time consumer.

If you have a regular maid service coming in, they do whole family's laundry.

[Anonymous]

Everyone's situation isn't the same, some kids go to local high school, do regular academics and don't have many activities, other have long commute to school, rigorous course load, more assignments and extracurriculars. They just don't have enough hours to do housework to lessen burden of parents.

[Anonymous]

@12:31 you sound like what my kid needs.

How can I find you?

[Anonymous]

I have three DC. Oldest is fully launched - 24 years old, working and living on his own. Middle DC is a senior in college and is on track to graduate in May and be gainfully employed. Youngest is a sophomore in college and is doing well.

For us, starting at a very young age, my children knew that if I said "no" I meant "no." I was not a helicopter mom. If they forgot their homework at home, it stayed at home and I didn't deliver it to them at school. I didn't check their school work - if they needed help, they knew I was available. I never tracked them on their phones. I gave them freedom and responsibility - I went back to work part time when my kids were in Kindergarten, 2nd and 5th grades. They walked home from school together and were at home for about about 15 minutes before I arrived home from work. When they got into high school, they all had part time jobs so they could have spending money.

I raised my kids like I was raised: discipline (not physical spanking but having rules, knowing what the rules are and not giving in because my child was sad), freedom to make mistakes and then natural consequences when they did make mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:@12:31 you sound like what my kid needs.

How can I find you?

PP here. Look for therapists who practice Transference Focused Psychotherapy.

[Anonymous]

My Father raised four kids all with Graduate degrees, married with great jobs.

He beat you with the belt a lot, did not pay for college, cars, not even SAT test or take you on a college tour.

I swear a good $20 belt is all you need. Times were simple back then

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Father raised four kids all with Graduate degrees, married with great jobs. He beat you with the belt a lot, did not pay for college, cars, not even SAT test or take you on a college tour. I swear a good $20 belt is all you need. Times were simple back then

How upset would you be to find out you can raise kids to all wind up with graduate degrees, married with great jobs, without beating anyone, and WITH paying for college and SAT tests, etc.? Because that's possible.