Dead bedroom, why??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this with wife but is other way around. In our case it’s due to imbalance of workload. I am the breadwinner but work crazy hours/ high stress and have begged her since youngest was in school full time to get job also so we can share the load and she won’t/ says she’s ’trying’ but clearly isn’t (her job skills super applicable to today and has lots of friends still in field so I don’t think should be totally impossible). After a while I just started feeling this overwhelming resentment and just anger and lost interest in sex bc it felt like having sex with someone who didn’t care about me. So I guess my q is whether there is imbalance and resentment bc that can affect sex life

OP here. Maybe? We both work full time and he is technically the breadwinner by dollar amount but I still make mid-6 figures so we both have demanding and stressful jobs. I’m sure there is something subconscious resentment that as a man making $1m+ he’s still juggling school drop offs and doctor appointments with his wife. The funny thing is I’ve told him I’d gladly quit and pick up all the household/kid stuff but he also doesn’t want the stress of being the sole provider. (I realize people are going to say don’t quit b/c I’m on the path to divorce but maybe it would help. I don’t know.)

Wait OP are you saying your husband is making $1m per year? Is his job very stressful? Is he spending a lot of time traveling or outside of the home?

OP here. Yes. His job is stressful but he does not travel at all. He goes into the office every day but he is home every night (not late, usually between 4 and 5. His day starts early.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this with wife but is other way around. In our case it’s due to imbalance of workload. I am the breadwinner but work crazy hours/ high stress and have begged her since youngest was in school full time to get job also so we can share the load and she won’t/ says she’s ’trying’ but clearly isn’t (her job skills super applicable to today and has lots of friends still in field so I don’t think should be totally impossible). After a while I just started feeling this overwhelming resentment and just anger and lost interest in sex bc it felt like having sex with someone who didn’t care about me. So I guess my q is whether there is imbalance and resentment bc that can affect sex life

OP here. Maybe? We both work full time and he is technically the breadwinner by dollar amount but I still make mid-6 figures so we both have demanding and stressful jobs. I’m sure there is something subconscious resentment that as a man making $1m+ he’s still juggling school drop offs and doctor appointments with his wife. The funny thing is I’ve told him I’d gladly quit and pick up all the household/kid stuff but he also doesn’t want the stress of being the sole provider. (I realize people are going to say don’t quit b/c I’m on the path to divorce but maybe it would help. I don’t know.)

No I think this is great and you should not quit.
If you make kid six figures and still work it’s doubtful that he is resentful about that. It must be something else.

[Anonymous]

Who does the cooking and cleaning? You guys make a ton of money. Do you have an afternoon/evening person who comes to make your dinner and clean up? Throw some money into reducing stress and having more fun. He should also see a doctor. Does he exercise regularly? If not, get a regular sitter and lift weights together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like an obvious question, but did you once have a good sex life, and it went down after kids? Or has it always been bad/nonexistent? What was it like when you were dating and in the early years of marriage, pre- kids?

OP here. It was ok, not great not terrible. I basically always initiated after the dating stage, which obviously sucked not feeling desired/desirable, but he seemed to enjoy it once things got going.

So he was low libido even in the honeymoon stage. That’s not likely to change, then.

[Anonymous]

These men watch a lot of porn nowadays

[Anonymous]

Ours was dead for a while and I wasn’t sure why. It turned out he was having an ED issue and he had a lot of anxiety. Once he started taking viagra that anxiety quickly went away. Now he’s lost 25 pounds and he’s fitter so his stamina is wonderful. We are empty nesters so the dead bedroom is no longer an issue.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to begin therapy with Testosterone Enanthate, Metenolone Enanthate, and Drostanolone Propionate. Has been an absolute game changer for us. He'll need routine blood work and some dialing in but it is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. Pretty typical stage and circumstances for an affair. He’s having sex with someone, just not you. Start preparing now.

OP here. I’m not in denial that this is a possibility but I truly cannot come up with when it would be happening. Honestly it would at least be a clear explanation.

I was in the exact same situation but kids were older. He was having an affair, with another man. Took a year of therapy for this to come out, as others posters have said, there are lots of reasons why so I encourage you to go to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Op try doing more chores around the house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married 10, have two children under 5. He has no interest in any intimacy with me - we spend time together, talk, laugh, we’re of course stressed and busy with two full time jobs and not the easiest kids. But I don’t understand why he seems to have zero interest in me romantically.

I feel like I’m raising children with a roommate or friend sometimes. I love him and absolutely don’t want to divorce him but I’m just baffled. I try to initiate (both pretty obviously and in more subtle ways, trying to see if approach made a difference) but nothing happened.

I’m slightly overweight (bmi 26-27) but that’s the same size as when we got married so I don’t think it’s that my appearance has drastically changed. I’ve raised this with him many times and he just says he knows and should do better. Is he cheating? But how, he’s always home, doesn’t travel for work, literally not sure when that could happen. Does he find me repulsive? Could it just be the stress of work and kids? I know no one can say for sure but if you’ve been in this boat and figured it out one way or the other do you have any advice? Sorry I’m venting and just really sad it’s come to this, I just want to be with my husband, is that so much to ask?

This is not uncommon with men. I know it's very frustrating for women and hard to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. Pretty typical stage and circumstances for an affair. He’s having sex with someone, just not you. Start preparing now.

OP here. I’m not in denial that this is a possibility but I truly cannot come up with when it would be happening. Honestly it would at least be a clear explanation.

I was in the exact same situation but kids were older. He was having an affair, with another man. Took a year of therapy for this to come out, as others posters have said, there are lots of reasons why so I encourage you to go to therapy.

This is rare. I heard some married men will have sex with other men or sometimes even transgender women, but will rarely be romantically involved with them. Men are strange. Straight men will have sex with other men but they will still think they are not gay or bi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to begin therapy with Testosterone Enanthate, Metenolone Enanthate, and Drostanolone Propionate. Has been an absolute game changer for us. He'll need routine blood work and some dialing in but it is worth it.

Test, primo and masteron?
I see we have golds gym checking in on the relationship forum!

Switch the test enanthate for prop @ 25mg IM and he he’ll be doing push-ups without needing his hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. Pretty typical stage and circumstances for an affair. He’s having sex with someone, just not you. Start preparing now.

OP here. I’m not in denial that this is a possibility but I truly cannot come up with when it would be happening. Honestly it would at least be a clear explanation.

I was in the exact same situation but kids were older. He was having an affair, with another man. Took a year of therapy for this to come out, as others posters have said, there are lots of reasons why so I encourage you to go to therapy.

This is rare. I heard some married men will have sex with other men or sometimes even transgender women, but will rarely be romantically involved with them. Men are strange. Straight men will have sex with other men but they will still think they are not gay or bi.

Those are gay or bi men who can’t admit it to themselves because society has convinced them it’s the work of the devil.

Coming out is easier now than it was 30-40-50 years ago but especially in some social circles, it still has real, negative, material consequences (and positive ones for the person’s mental health of course).

[Anonymous]

Low T, porn, and he’s overweight.

[Anonymous]

He's just not into you.