Dead bedroom, why??
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Anonymous
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My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married 10, have two children under 5. He has no interest in any intimacy with me - we spend time together, talk, laugh, we’re of course stressed and busy with two full time jobs and not the easiest kids. But I don’t understand why he seems to have zero interest in me romantically.
I feel like I’m raising children with a roommate or friend sometimes. I love him and absolutely don’t want to divorce him but I’m just baffled. I try to initiate (both pretty obviously and in more subtle ways, trying to see if approach made a difference) but nothing happened. I’m slightly overweight (bmi 26-27) but that’s the same size as when we got married so I don’t think it’s that my appearance has drastically changed. I’ve raised this with him many times and he just says he knows and should do better. Is he cheating? But how, he’s always home, doesn’t travel for work, literally not sure when that could happen. Does he find me repulsive? Could it just be the stress of work and kids? I know no one can say for sure but if you’ve been in this boat and figured it out one way or the other do you have any advice? Sorry I’m venting and just really sad it’s come to this, I just want to be with my husband, is that so much to ask? |
Anonymous
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Sorry OP. That situation is really hard to be in. I was there myself. Married for about 10 years with kids and I felt like I was in a roommate / friend zone situation. My marriage ended up not surviving and it’s because my ex husband wasn’t attracted to me anymore. I actually looked better and felt better than when we met but something switched for him.
Not saying this is your situation at all but it’s my experience. I hope you and your husband are able to figure things out because being with someone who doesn’t desire you (if that’s what you want) is very tough. |
Anonymous
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Low T probably
Been there. 7 years without. Divorced for other reasons. Life is not better. Just different. |
Anonymous
| I think DH is closeted because he's homophobic and we haven't been intimate in a decade |
Anonymous
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Have you hurt him?
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Anonymous
OP here. In what sense? I don’t think so but maybe there is something you’re thinking of that I’m not. |
Anonymous
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Modern life and having kids underfoot is unsexy.
You should try to get the grandparents to babysit and go on a couple's trip. It takes a couple days just to decompress from everyday life. |
Anonymous
| Probably low T. Have him go to a doctor. |
Anonymous
Same time frame and thought the same, but it turns out he just wasn’t attracted to me anymore. Apparently the secret was finding someone half his age and unencumbered by kids and boring stuff like that. |
Anonymous
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Take your pick: low T, porn addiction, closeted, depressed, some other untreated illness.
He needs to make some kind of change if he values your marriage. |
Anonymous
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Tell us the frequency.
Some people say once a week is a dead bedroom. |
Anonymous
OP here. Years. Its not a gray area. |
Anonymous
Innumerable slights, micro displays of contempt, emasculating comments, an emotional affair, any of the four horsemen…. really only you would know if you have the ability to be introspective and honest with yourself. His reluctance to share what’s causing the lack of sex is the real issue. |
Anonymous
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For my DH it was porn and once he stopped it got a lot better. The quality and frequency of sex was terrible with porn in the picture.
Years is a lot, OP. Something else that is big is going on. |
Anonymous
| Omg this post is so depressing. I’m going to jump my husband right now! I can’t imagine living this way night! |