Sister wants to keep her house and our moms house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not your decision. Let her buy your share.

This. It’s a terrible decision but if she can afford to buy you out, that’s all you are allowed to care about. Her hoarding disease is making all the decisions now, and that isnt going to stop because of a conversation.

[Anonymous]

As long as she will pay you, let it go. Who cares if she’s a hoarder? It’s her children’s problem, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks, all for your insight on this; it’s really appreciated.

The money/sister selling her share isn’t really the issue at hand. Sister has essentially been living in our Moms house for free for the past three years anyways. I know we’ll eventually get the money for my share, but even if we don’t, DH and I will be fine financially without it.

What the sticking point is for me is the sheer amount of stuff that my sister has in her house. She has a four bedroom house, and three of the bedrooms and the basement are filled with stuff that needs to be donated or trashed. I’m talking about boxes of 20 year old credit card statements, old baby clothes from her sons, old laptops/phones that don’t work…you get the idea. My thinking is that it’s easy for her to keep all this stuff, because she has the space, so if she downsized, it would force her to get rid of some of this stuff. We’ve tried many times over the years to help her get rid of her stuff, but it’s such a big task, that she gets overwhelmed before we can make a dent.

Her sons (one lives locally, one lives a 10 hour drive) would be more than happy for her to sell the house and downsize to somewhere smaller. In fact, the local son went to her house unannounced and started purging stuff that she didn’t need, which she wasn’t too happy about.

OP-I’m saying this in the kindest possible tone: there was no need for this explanation. Everyone reading your post knows that your sister is a hoarder. We get it.

What you’re not getting is that you cannot control this. You’ve seen multiple post here to move on with the sales transaction. That’s all you can do. Being upset or bothered by her hoarding doesn’t fix it. Being judgmental doesn’t fix it.

Get your money out of your mom’s house and move on. Your sister isn’t going to deal with this until either she’s ready or until Adult Protective Services has to be called in.

+1

I'm sorry that your sister is this way , and I hope she finds the help she needs.

Your sister has a big problem and this won't be fixed because you want it to be on your timescale.
Sell her your share of the house, and then be there when she is ready to deal with the hoarding problem she has.

*you* also have a problem with control if you can't do this . Please, separate your issues.

[Anonymous]

Let her buy you out. Seems fine to me.

I thought she was trying to just squat the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's completely fair for her to buy you out. As long as you are compensated for her share, let her do it. You're very lucky compared to other horror stories on here of siblings who want to live in the deceased parents home and NOT buy out the other family members.

+1. Go thru the house and take what you want of your parents' thing before it gets more hoarded. Then let her buy you out. You will be free to move on without the burden of her hoarding to deal with.

[Anonymous]

I realize your sister “wants” the house, but can she really afford it + plus the upkeep and taxes X 2? She hasn’t moved forward to purchase the house outright because you haven’t pushed her. Why are you willing to pay 3 years worth of taxes and insurance ? Keep in mind, if an accident occurs on this property, you are liable.

[Anonymous]

OP probably feels bad for her sisters kids and is trying to find something she can do to not saddle them with 2 houses full of crap.

But she’s in a weak position to do so since her sister is already living in the mother’s house.

OP l would ask your sister’s kids if they want you to try to force a sale of the mother’s house which might become a legal issue between OP and their mom.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're not getting it. She's not going to sell her house and get rid of the stuff that's in it. She will fill up and probably damage both properties. Go watch a few episodes of Hoarders. It's streaming on Hulu. That's what you're dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Legal is all that matters. Focus only on the legal, always, going forward.

[Anonymous]

Having a separate house might help her detach, you don’t know. Either way she hasn’t hired you to be her therapist. Sell her your half and continue to suggest she get professional help for her disorder.

[Anonymous]

Have her but you out or legally force a sale. You cannot fix her mental health issues. Get your money and move on.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? It will be 1,000,000 times easier for you to just let your sister buy out your half. She obvious mentally ill. Just let her do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start the process of her buying you out. Get an appraisal, tell her how much she will have to pay. Insist on full payment, you are not a mortgage company. Also, get an attorney on board. Your mother died in 2021, this transaction should have been completed a few years ago. A hoarder house loses value as the years go by.

This is the answer. Get the appraisal done before she ruins your moms house. Get your half and walk from this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't fix your sister. Take the money and rid yourself of the problem.

This. And give her a deadline and say if she goes past that she is agreeing to sell the house.

[Anonymous]

You need to understand that this is outside your control. Let go. Complete the legal transaction before she changes her mind.

She is not going to get better.