Sister wants to keep her house and our moms house

[Anonymous]

My late 60s sister lives on her own in a SFH. This is the house that she has lived in for 35 years, and where she and her late husband (passed away in 2005) raised their two adult sons. Sister is a big time horder, and refuses to throw out anything that has a remote emotional attachment of any kind, so as a result, her 4 bedroom house is filled with boxes of old odds and ends.

Our Mom lived in a SFH until 2019, when she had some health issues that necessitated a move to assisted living. She passed away in early 2021, but for a variety of reasons, we never got around to selling her house.

Sister, myself and DH and our Moms house are all close together; sister is about 15 minutes from us, and 10 minutes from our Moms house (Moms house is sort of the geographic midpoint).

Once our Mom moved to assisted living, sister, began staying over at our Moms house. It initially was because it was closer to her job, and she “felt more comfortable there.” Over time, she began moving more and more of her stuff to Moms house. At this point, she spends majority of her time at our Moms house; sister basically only goes back to her house once every few weeks to get the mail.

As executors of our Moms estate, Sister and I jointly own our Moms house. A few months after our Mom died, sister told DH and I that she was interested in selling her house, and buying out my share of our Moms house, so that she would be the sole owner. This didn’t really make a lot of sense to me, as it felt like it would just move her stuff from one house to another, while not allowing her to get rid of anything. It feels like her moving to a two bedroom apartment is probably a better move for her. DH and I lightly broached the topic, but sister is the kind of person who hates change, and just wants to keep the status quo.

There has been no notable movement on the moving issue, until this past week. Sister told us that she still wants to buy me out of my share of Moms house, but she now intends to keep her house, as “she just can’t let go of it” (her words)

I can’t help but feel like this decision makes zero sense. She can afford it (her house has been paid off, and although she’s now retired, she has a decent amount in savings/pension), and while I totally understand there’s a strong emotional attachment to her house, she never spends any time there! Additionally, it feels like this will make the process of getting rid of the stuff in her house even more challenging, as I subscribe to the theory that you’ll fill your living space with stuff, no matter how big or small it is, and now she has twice as much space to fill. Lastly, I feel for her sons/my nephews, who will have to deal with selling two houses now.

I know this is a lot, but I’m at a loss for how to proceed with this. I don’t want to offend my sister, but I really feel like this is a bad decision on her part for many reasons.

[Anonymous]

Not your decision. Let her buy your share.

[Anonymous]

She needs more room for her stuff.

[Anonymous]

It's completely fair for her to buy you out. As long as you are compensated for her share, let her do it. You're very lucky compared to other horror stories on here of siblings who want to live in the deceased parents home and NOT buy out the other family members.

[Anonymous]

You can't fix your sister. Take the money and rid yourself of the problem.

[Anonymous]

You’re attempting to manage someone who has not asked to be managed. Stop. If you believe she is living in decrepit spaces or that she is in danger, then call Adult Protective Services. It doesn’t sound like that is happening.

Proceed with selling your portion of your mother’s house.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand how any of this has to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Each nephew will then have a house. Let them deal with it when she’s gone.

[Anonymous]

She is making a bad decision. And she's allowed to make a bad decision. I would sell it to her and be glad that you're off the hook for dealing with it.

[Anonymous]

She wants one house for storage! Let it go.

[Anonymous]

You are overstepping your bounds. You made your concern known once, and now it is time for you to let her do as she pleases. Sell her your share of the house. She has kids who can deal with her stuff, she hasn’t asked for your help.

[Anonymous]

As long as you can agree on a price, sell it and be done. You’ve left the house for three years. Stop trying to control your sister and get the estate settled.

[Anonymous]

Your sister's living situation is none of your business. Sell her the rest of the house and let her do what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Stop being such a busy body, this is her choice. She wants to buy the house, you want to offload the house. Win-win for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing you are the bossy older sister? Your sister has proposed a normal plan when settling an estate. Let her buy you out at fair market value. This isn’t your decision to make. Butt out.