Sister wants to keep her house and our moms house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not your decision. Let her buy your share.

+1 I’m not sure what the issue is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She wants one house for storage! Let it go.

This.
She’s probably a hoarder and can’t imagine the effort it would take to clear out her home to sell it.
She has the means to buy you out if your half of mom’s house—and there is no reason for you to refuse that offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand there’s a strong emotional attachment to her house, she never spends any time there! Additionally, it feels like this will make the process of getting rid of the stuff in her house even more challenging, as I subscribe to the theory that you’ll fill your living space with stuff, no matter how big or small it is, and now she has twice as much space to fill. Lastly, I feel for her sons/my nephews, who will have to deal with selling two houses now.

OP, I feel for you, because you want to help your system. But hoarding something you can reason her out of. I agree that you should sell her your half so that you're not financially tied to her. Then you can be there as a loving supporter.

[Anonymous]

But hoarding is NOT something you can reason her out of....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks, all for your insight on this; it’s really appreciated.

The money/sister selling her share isn’t really the issue at hand. Sister has essentially been living in our Moms house for free for the past three years anyways. I know we’ll eventually get the money for my share, but even if we don’t, DH and I will be fine financially without it.

What the sticking point is for me is the sheer amount of stuff that my sister has in her house. She has a four bedroom house, and three of the bedrooms and the basement are filled with stuff that needs to be donated or trashed. I’m talking about boxes of 20 year old credit card statements, old baby clothes from her sons, old laptops/phones that don’t work…you get the idea. My thinking is that it’s easy for her to keep all this stuff, because she has the space, so if she downsized, it would force her to get rid of some of this stuff. We’ve tried many times over the years to help her get rid of her stuff, but it’s such a big task, that she gets overwhelmed before we can make a dent.

Her sons (one lives locally, one lives a 10 hour drive) would be more than happy for her to sell the house and downsize to somewhere smaller. In fact, the local son went to her house unannounced and started purging stuff that she didn’t need, which she wasn’t too happy about.

OP- I can tell you are concerned for your sister and she is lucky to have you. Please know that even if she downsized by selling one of the houses, it wouldn't force her to get rid of anything. She would fill up whatever space that was left in her house and then stack things in boxes on her front porch, in the car, in a rented storage unit, etc. You can't solve this by talking her into downsizing.

[Anonymous]

Hoarders cannot be fixed, OP.

If you don't want her to live in your mother's house, you'll have to buy it from her.

[Anonymous]

I understand that you might feel like selling her your share of the house is enabling her. But the reality is she's moved in and already began cluttering up the house so there's really not much you can do at this point. The horses out of the barn.

If you can afford to, I would set money aside knowing that you may need it for interventions, therapy or cleaning services, but I think that all of those need to be decisions made in tandem with your nephews. Has other people have winded out? Hoarding isn't extremely hard disease to treat and she needs to be motivated to change her life.

[Anonymous]

Her hoarding is not your problem. She is a grown adult.

Sell her your share.