I should just get these shoes for my kid, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe how many parents on DCUM encourage their kids to conform to the preferences of bullies rather than teach their kids to be independent and strong advocates for their own preferences. Please stop giving mean people power. That’s how we ended up with Trump.

I don't think this is about bullies so much as wanting one's daughter to be a "cool kid" (see the other threads on this.)

[Anonymous]

Not one soul would tease her, except op. Kids love all kinds of styles and at that age most are accepting unless she has a random bully in her grade level but nobody would be safe as they'll hone in on a person first and then choose something to make fun of.

[Anonymous]

Oh come on! She is a kid, just buy her the sneakers….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe how many parents on DCUM encourage their kids to conform to the preferences of bullies rather than teach their kids to be independent and strong advocates for their own preferences. Please stop giving mean people power. That’s how we ended up with Trump.

I don't think this is about bullies so much as wanting one's daughter to be a "cool kid" (see the other threads on this.)

am i really out of the loop? feel like the cool kid would wear light up shoes, no?!
i must be really old and out of touch

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old still oooh and aah when she sees light up sneakers and my 12 year old says it's not fair that they don't make them for older kids, so I think your child will be fine. Stop trying to make your daughters act older than they are.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess, you started the "how do I make my kid the cool kid" thread? Grow up, OP.

[Anonymous]

Parenting must be hard for you, OP. Just buy her the shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not one soul would tease her, except op. Kids love all kinds of styles and at that age most are accepting unless she has a random bully in her grade level but nobody would be safe as they'll hone in on a person first and then choose something to make fun of.

Yes kids love each other unconditionally. I mean, come on. My daughter gets eyes rolled at her all day long by other girls who disapprove of this ir that. You don’t have to try to please them but pretending kids are always loving and kind is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe how many parents on DCUM encourage their kids to conform to the preferences of bullies rather than teach their kids to be independent and strong advocates for their own preferences. Please stop giving mean people power. That’s how we ended up with Trump.

I don't think this is about bullies so much as wanting one's daughter to be a "cool kid" (see the other threads on this.)

am i really out of the loop? feel like the cool kid would wear light up shoes, no?!
i must be really old and out of touch

Not at 8. This was a thing in preschool.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I wouldn’t even think twice about it unless it’s some bulky heavy shoe. That would give me pause. If otherwise it’s a comfortable shoe, I’d get it. They grow out so fast and wear the shoes out so much that you’re looking at max 4-6 months of this shoe lasting.

[Anonymous]

For 8 yeae old girl, I think any cute styles are fine as long as they are comfortable and she likes them. My 8 year old boy only likes solid color clothing like blue, red, orange and all cool style shoes. It is so easy to shop for him these days as long as that's what he wants.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine for parents to say no to their kids when they want impractical shoes. She will not complain to her therapist that her individuality was quashed because she didn’t get the shoes she wanted when she was 8. Those shoes are not a good choice for running around in pe class or recess and light up shoes are not appropriate for school. In 7 years, you will all be on the teen board wondering why your kid is spending $400 at Sephora every weekend.

[Anonymous]

OP here and honestly I am still torn. I agree the shoes are impractical and not well made. She hates the more practical choices I suggested. But I generally try to defer to her on style choices because she's the one who will be wearing them. This is the first time that I've wondered if maybe I should be trying to convince her that a more practical athletic shoe (which is what most of the other kids in her grade wear) is a better choice even though she thinks it's ugly.

I think I'm in my head about it because my mom was super controlling about how I dressed though actually she constantly bought clothes for me that were too young and immature and didn't listen to me when I explained that kids would make fun of me if I wore them (which they 100% did). And also it just bugged me she was always trying to dress me like a toddler.

So yes I know I'm being mildly ridiculous here but it's because this is a subject where I have a lot of parenting baggage and am trying to do better by my kid but am not really sure what "better" is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and honestly I am still torn. I agree the shoes are impractical and not well made. She hates the more practical choices I suggested. But I generally try to defer to her on style choices because she's the one who will be wearing them. This is the first time that I've wondered if maybe I should be trying to convince her that a more practical athletic shoe (which is what most of the other kids in her grade wear) is a better choice even though she thinks it's ugly.

I think I'm in my head about it because my mom was super controlling about how I dressed though actually she constantly bought clothes for me that were too young and immature and didn't listen to me when I explained that kids would make fun of me if I wore them (which they 100% did). And also it just bugged me she was always trying to dress me like a toddler.

So yes I know I'm being mildly ridiculous here but it's because this is a subject where I have a lot of parenting baggage and am trying to do better by my kid but am not really sure what "better" is here.

If you have a stubborn opinionated kid don’t take her shopping so that you end up in a battle of wills. Buy a few shoes and let her pick amongst them. Now you’re in a standoff and one of you will lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and honestly I am still torn. I agree the shoes are impractical and not well made. She hates the more practical choices I suggested. But I generally try to defer to her on style choices because she's the one who will be wearing them. This is the first time that I've wondered if maybe I should be trying to convince her that a more practical athletic shoe (which is what most of the other kids in her grade wear) is a better choice even though she thinks it's ugly.

I think I'm in my head about it because my mom was super controlling about how I dressed though actually she constantly bought clothes for me that were too young and immature and didn't listen to me when I explained that kids would make fun of me if I wore them (which they 100% did). And also it just bugged me she was always trying to dress me like a toddler.

So yes I know I'm being mildly ridiculous here but it's because this is a subject where I have a lot of parenting baggage and am trying to do better by my kid but am not really sure what "better" is here.

I think better is listening to her in this case. I said that before and almost suggested that the bullying idea was your anxiety. I think it's important for your future parenting not to give into your desire to control her (or control the outcome of what other kids might do) because once you step back, you appear to (want to) value her agency more than what shoes she picks.

If someone makes fun of her (bullying seems unlikely in my experience), then cross that bridge at that time and with her input!

Said another way, it seems like you only don't want to listen to her based on your fear of what might happen in the future, which is not a reason that relies on your values of letting her be who she is when it's safe to do so.