I should just get these shoes for my kid, right?

[Anonymous]

8 yo DD needs new sneakers. She picked out a pair at Target that are light up sneakers (like the toes light up when you walk) and have a little bow on them. They look like toddler sneakers to me (I did not say this) but they do come in her size online (the selection in store was terrible anyway). I had her look at a bunch of sneakers including a bunch that look a bit more mature -- these are the ones she wants.

The only hesitation I have is that I worry she will be teased for wearing something too young for her. I don't personally care if she wears them, I'm just second guessing if it is my role to encourage her to wear something more mature to help her fit in.

I went to order them this morning but then had a moment of second guessing myself so I'm asking here: do I just buy her the sneakers she asked for or do I try to talk her into a more mature pair of shoes?

[Anonymous]

The most important consideration is foot support. Known brands are a safer bet if you are buying online.

[Anonymous]

She's 8 and in school. Are other kids wearing these? I ask, as they might be a distraction to the other students and the teacher if they are lighting up.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her they were out of her size and get something more appropriate/durable for school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8 yo DD needs new sneakers. She picked out a pair at Target that are light up sneakers (like the toes light up when you walk) and have a little bow on them. They look like toddler sneakers to me (I did not say this) but they do come in her size online (the selection in store was terrible anyway). I had her look at a bunch of sneakers including a bunch that look a bit more mature -- these are the ones she wants.

The only hesitation I have is that I worry she will be teased for wearing something too young for her. I don't personally care if she wears them, I'm just second guessing if it is my role to encourage her to wear something more mature to help her fit in.

I went to order them this morning but then had a moment of second guessing myself so I'm asking here: do I just buy her the sneakers she asked for or do I try to talk her into a more mature pair of shoes?

I think you should buy them. You can buy another 'plain' ones for school but honestly why would you want to squash her personality?

[Anonymous]

Not light up. Only at night. Otherwise, she's just too annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her they were out of her size and get something more appropriate/durable for school.

We tell our kids not to lie and here you are lying to your child.

[Anonymous]

I'd ask if they are allowed at her ES. Some schools consider those light-up shoes a violation of dress code.

[Anonymous]

If she likes them & they suit your purposes (i.e. will work as athletic shoes for PE or whatever) then I'd get them. My now 10 year old had a pair of sketchers twinkle toes high tops when she was 8. She didn't wear them as her everyday shoes, but wore them once in a while as a fashion sneaker. Other kids liked them.

[Anonymous]

Is this a decision she will have to live with no matter what because one pair of Target sneakers is all that’s in your budget? If so, play it safe. If not, you’re overthinking this. Nice kids won’t make fun of her shoes and mean kids will make fun of her for something, at some point, regardless of which shoes you buy today.

[Anonymous]

Can you get them so she only uses them outside of school? She will get teased, there is no doubt about that.

[Anonymous]

Yes, get them. It’s a small thing that might bring her joy. It’s also quite possible that she won’t be teased. If it becomes an issue, then those can be her after-school shoes, and she can wear something else to school. Keep in mind, though, that you might not be the best judge of what other 8 years olds will think of her choice.

You might be right, but discouraging your daughter’s expression of her individuality based on what you imagine a bunch of 8 year olds might think doesn’t seem like a great precedent to set — unless you know that problematic teasing is likely based on your experiences with this particular group of 8 year olds. If teasing does become a concern, this will be a relatively low stakes opportunity to support your daughter as she develops and practices appropriate and self-affirming responses to any teasing that comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her they were out of her size and get something more appropriate/durable for school.

We tell our kids not to lie and here you are lying to your child.

Does anyone instruct their kids not to tell even a small lie, to spare someone’s feelings? We teach our kids to act thankful for any gift they receive, even if they don’t like it and are disappointed.

[Anonymous]

As long as you'd be willing to buy them without the bows/light up features (they are within your budget and appropriately sturdy/supportive), then YES, buy them! My son rocked neon tiedye sneakers and neon clothes for years in elementary school. He never complained about being made fun of, though his friends definitely joked when he wore all black one day that he had run out of colors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her they were out of her size and get something more appropriate/durable for school.

We tell our kids not to lie and here you are lying to your child.

Does anyone instruct their kids not to tell even a small lie, to spare someone’s feelings? We teach our kids to act thankful for any gift they receive, even if they don’t like it and are disappointed.

That's different than a lie. You can teach yourself to be grateful for the intent and the meaning behind the gift even if you hate the actual item.