Dealing with sadness over disappointing vacation?

[Anonymous]

Honestly this sounds like a personality defect or character flaw that should be addressed in therapy. What you describe is not in any way, shape or form a normal emotion.

[Anonymous]

Been there, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Low expectations are the key to happiness.

And the gateway to mediocrity.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I rarely think a vacation lives up to expectations. It's how you pivot and make the most of what you have - things can be salvaged. But if you start from day one miserable then you have set the tone for the trip or aren't being realistic about what you enjoy, what gives you pleasure or how to make changes. There can be many factors - from illnesses to injuries that put a damper on travel - but if you research the trip and get there and its not what you want..the joy of life is you can make decisions to improve your experience. Or just cut your losses and head home. Some things like weather you can't control, but how you approach a situation you can modify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly this sounds like a personality defect or character flaw that should be addressed in therapy. What you describe is not in any way, shape or form a normal emotion.

Many of the responses in this thread counter your assertion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got food poisoning once on day 1 and spent the entire expensive vacation in an expensive hotel room bathroom floor while my DH did a few of the expensive excursions by himself and we let the other ones go to waste. It was awful, and frankly 8 years later it still is to remember. I always plan for bad weather wherever we go and my expectations there are always low, but you can’t plan for debilitating illness.

Yep that happened to my husband. Ate some bad fish on our first night having just made a couple hours drive from the airport. Went to a hightly recommended restaurant for dinner. I had a salad and didn’t get sick. He was puking his brains out for the next 18 hours and I spent the first day mostly by myself on the excursions we planned. Luckily 24 hours later he was feeling much better so the trip was salvaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got food poisoning once on day 1 and spent the entire expensive vacation in an expensive hotel room bathroom floor while my DH did a few of the expensive excursions by himself and we let the other ones go to waste. It was awful, and frankly 8 years later it still is to remember. I always plan for bad weather wherever we go and my expectations there are always low, but you can’t plan for debilitating illness.

Food poisoning is not a debilitating illness. Try an auto-immune disease on for size. Or maybe threw in a few brain tumors.

This isn’t a contest. You don’t win anything by playing the biggest victim. Other people have their own problems, it’s not your job to put them in their place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We waited all year to take this trip, planned, dreamed, anticipated. As I type this it’s our last day and I am filled with so much sadness because it did not live up to our expectations. We can’t wait to go home. I think we were ready after the first day. Nothing has gone the way we had hoped, and all we have to show for it is a huge bill, not the lasting memories we had hoped for. I’m crushed. How does one move on from this?

What could be so bad? Serious question? I work for myself and haven’t had a summer vacation.

[Anonymous]

I force myself to make some good memories anyway.

We took an expensive trip last year that was not ideal-- or 5 yr old who is normally a great traveler was in a bad mood the entire time despite a lot of effort to ensure there was plenty of stuff for her to like. I think it was just a combo of jet lag and maybe a growth spurt or a hormonal shift the made her grumpy, but it became the central feature of the trip and everyone grew very weary of her constant complaining and grumpiness by the end of the trip. I remember being on the plane home and thinking briefly "ugh why did I put so much effort and money into this?!"

But then a shoved that thought out of my head and started talking with my kids and spouse about the stuff we enjoyed-- the cool things we saw, the favorite place we stayed, the best food we'd eaten. We even managed to get the 5yr old to admit she liked a few things. When we got home I sorted the photos and made a vacation album, and we kept it in the coffee table the rest of the year.

Guess what? I now think fondly if that trip. We have some family inside jokes from it (several actually related to the 5yo's whining) that have become part of family lore. And EVEN the 5yo (now 6yo) will tell you it was one of her favorite vacations. She doesn't even remember being in a bad mood.

You have a lot more power over your memories than you think, and vacations are all about memories. Edit out the bad stuff or put a funny spin on it, talk up anything good you can think of, and stick to that version of events. It will get rosier in the year view.

[Anonymous]

We didn't get to go on our honeymoon because the island got hit by a hurricane two days before the wedding. We went on a smaller US vacation.

We had never been on trip together and just graduated from dental school. Dirt poor.

You make the best of it. You can find the joy in just being together.

[Anonymous]

I'm kinda feeling this now. I have been planning to take my kids to a water park that I heard about last year when we get back from visiting my parents, before school starts, but it's supposed to rain both days, and we're hosting relatives who definitely won't be interested next weekend, so we won't make it at all.

I know rationally it's dumb to be sitting in a dark room sulking about not going to a water park, but there's something very particular about having to say "maybe we can try again next year" when your kids are growing up fast and you are increasingly conscious that you may have fewer years ahead if you than behind that has really been getting to me. Like, we missed our last trip with my mother in law because i was pregnant and saving all my PTO since my job didnt have paid leave; then it was covid, then she died the year after. Less importantly, we missed my college reunion because we got covid from day care, and the next one isn't for 5 more years, and my friends are all over the country. Sometimes there isn't another chance and sometimes it's just really hard to wait.

[Anonymous]

DH already got sick on the plane. I was fine the first day in Italy- we spent the next days in bed with Covid, but a great view of the countryside. Then to Paris, where we ordered room service and looked at the Eiffel Tower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Low expectations are the key to happiness.

And the gateway to mediocrity.

Mediocrity can be hella fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH already got sick on the plane. I was fine the first day in Italy- we spent the next days in bed with Covid, but a great view of the countryside. Then to Paris, where we ordered room service and looked at the Eiffel Tower.

My husband always gets sick when we travel. Always. But we power through. The rest of us always have a blast.

[Anonymous]

So many trips that don't live up to the hype, then afterwards the fond memories. Half of it is going and experiencing something different.