If your children reject your beliefs, do you question yourself and your sanity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of our kids attend church as adults, in fact they say our religion is a cult now. They were home schooled and attended church school. Their kids go to public school and don't regularly attend church. They drink alcohol and challenge godly teachings they were raised with. In fact they blame us and the church for a lot of their adult problems. I feel like coming back to church would help these problems, but they reject it. It makes me question what was it all for.

Anyone's adult kids come back around to the church in time?

OP, what was it all for, in your view?

Homeschooling was very difficult, lots of conflicts and fights daily. Also, the loss of one income was hard to recover from. It seems like a huge waste of time, money and energy.

Did you ignore some special needs?

My friends ignored their kid’s obvious ADHD and dyslexia, and decided to pull her out of public because of “bullying” and “bad teachers”, without realizing the issues stemmed from her learning difficulties. They invested time and money into homeschooling. Their kid asked to be evaluated as an older teen… and lo and behold, those diagnoses appeared.

But sadly it’s been years of hating reading and hating learning due untreated ADHD and dyslexia. She didn’t learn much. College is not in the cards. These parents blew up their kid’s entire future because they refused to listen to the teachers and some of their friends and relatives.

I don’t know you or your kids. But perhaps there’s something else going on, and since they don’t know what it is, they’re blaming your church and the homeschooling. Which are by themselves difficult enough!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of our kids attend church as adults, in fact they say our religion is a cult now. They were home schooled and attended church school. Their kids go to public school and don't regularly attend church. They drink alcohol and challenge godly teachings they were raised with. In fact they blame us and the church for a lot of their adult problems. I feel like coming back to church would help these problems, but they reject it. It makes me question what was it all for.

Anyone's adult kids come back around to the church in time?

OP, what was it all for, in your view?

Homeschooling was very difficult, lots of conflicts and fights daily. Also, the loss of one income was hard to recover from. It seems like a huge waste of time, money and energy.

Yes, keeping your children locked away so you can indoctrinate them usually is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of our kids attend church as adults, in fact they say our religion is a cult now. They were home schooled and attended church school. Their kids go to public school and don't regularly attend church. They drink alcohol and challenge godly teachings they were raised with. In fact they blame us and the church for a lot of their adult problems. I feel like coming back to church would help these problems, but they reject it. It makes me question what was it all for.

Anyone's adult kids come back around to the church in time?

OP, what was it all for, in your view?

Homeschooling was very difficult, lots of conflicts and fights daily. Also, the loss of one income was hard to recover from. It seems like a huge waste of time, money and energy.

Yes, it was. And almost certainly worse academically than a public school. Why didn't you send your kids to public school?

[Anonymous]

Your kids don’t agree with your religious views. As kids living under your roof, you may have been able to force it on them, but as adults they get to make up their own mind. You should be proud of them for not just blindly following and instead thinking about what they want for their own life.

My mom forced me to be Catholic. As a kid I saw issues within Catholicism that I did not like, but my mom somehow thought it would save me. All it did was give me Catholic guilt. I purposely did not raise my children in any type of religion and instead exposed them to life. If they choose to embrace a religion I have no problem with that, just like I will have no problem with them choosing not to embrace religion.

Accept your kids for who they are. If everyone could just accept the right of others to be different the world would be a much better place. I don’t have a problem with the choices others make so long as they aren’t impacted me.

[Anonymous]

I grew up going to church and public school. My church was pretty liberal in many ways (supported gay rights, believes in science etc) and I still left. So did my siblings.

Why? Because I could never reconcile the idea that God loved us so, yet hung the threat of eternal damnation over our heads to keep us in "faith". All you had to do to be saved was believe. So you be a very good person, who happened to be Jewish, and you would go to hell. And you could be a terrible, awful person who believed in Jesus and thus would be saved. That is the central, most abiding tenet of Christianity.

Those thoughts crept in while I was in high school, and was still very involved in my church. In college, I still went to church here and there, but much less. Eventually I just couldn't get around that piece of it and stopped going. No amount of religious thought yoga gets you around it. Christians don't believe that good people matter. They only believe Christians matter. I don't agree or believe that. Thus I am an adult who does not have a religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up going to church and public school. My church was pretty liberal in many ways (supported gay rights, believes in science etc) and I still left. So did my siblings.

Why? Because I could never reconcile the idea that God loved us so, yet hung the threat of eternal damnation over our heads to keep us in "faith". All you had to do to be saved was believe. So you be a very good person, who happened to be Jewish, and you would go to hell. And you could be a terrible, awful person who believed in Jesus and thus would be saved. That is the central, most abiding tenet of Christianity.

Those thoughts crept in while I was in high school, and was still very involved in my church. In college, I still went to church here and there, but much less. Eventually I just couldn't get around that piece of it and stopped going. No amount of religious thought yoga gets you around it. Christians don't believe that good people matter. They only believe Christians matter. I don't agree or believe that. Thus I am an adult who does not have a religion.

It's amazing religion lasted as long as it did into the scientific age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of our kids attend church as adults, in fact they say our religion is a cult now. They were home schooled and attended church school. Their kids go to public school and don't regularly attend church. They drink alcohol and challenge godly teachings they were raised with. In fact they blame us and the church for a lot of their adult problems. I feel like coming back to church would help these problems, but they reject it. It makes me question what was it all for.



Anyone's adult kids come back around to the church in time?

OP, what was it all for, in your view?

Homeschooling was very difficult, lots of conflicts and fights daily. Also, the loss of one income was hard to recover from. It seems like a huge waste of time, money and energy.

Yes, it was. And almost certainly worse academically than a public school. Why didn't you send your kids to public school?

There was a movement in the 1990’s to homeschool with creationism as a basis. So the homeschooling curriculum didn’t conflict with church doctrine.

[Anonymous]

You will have to grieve the loss and accept them for who they are. This is really just a part of kids making their own lives and being independent. You should find something to occupy your time and thoughts and give it time. It will get easier.

One of my kids became more religious as he got older. That was also hard to deal with.

You can't predict or control.what will happen in your kids' lives. But take the time to grieve, learn and grow from your sorrow.

[Anonymous]

You basically did have your kids in a cult and brainwashed them. They are lucky they got out. No, they aren’t coming back to your “church”.

[Anonymous]

We are churchgoers but it won’t bother me at all of my kid rejects it at some point. It will bother my husband.

That said, we are part of a church that is overall pretty in line with our values on lots of issues. They aren’t good on gay marriage, but they seem to be doing fine with gay and transgender youth that attend. My bet is my church will eventually split over the gay marriage issue in the next decade or so.

Putting your kids in a super intense religious environment where you homeschool, etc backfires often. It is too restrictive. And it also assumes that exposure to others that leads to questioning is a bad thing. If religion cannot stand up to hard questions, it isn’t worth much. That is the perspective of my church. They are there to answer questions and meet people wherever they are in their faith journey.

And to answer your question, your kids are very unlikely to return to the restrictive religion you raised them in. If this makes you wonder whether it was all worth it, then good. Because again, questions are important and if your religion cannot stand up to your hard questions, then you may need to reconsider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of our kids attend church as adults, in fact they say our religion is a cult now. They were home schooled and attended church school. Their kids go to public school and don't regularly attend church. They drink alcohol and challenge godly teachings they were raised with. In fact they blame us and the church for a lot of their adult problems. I feel like coming back to church would help these problems, but they reject it. It makes me question what was it all for.



Anyone's adult kids come back around to the church in time?

OP, what was it all for, in your view?

Homeschooling was very difficult, lots of conflicts and fights daily. Also, the loss of one income was hard to recover from. It seems like a huge waste of time, money and energy.

Yes, it was. And almost certainly worse academically than a public school. Why didn't you send your kids to public school?

There was a movement in the 1990’s to homeschool with creationism as a basis. So the homeschooling curriculum didn’t conflict with church doctrine.

Are you the OP?

[Anonymous]

Im sure your kids are resentful that they didn't have a "normal" upbringing and they are lashing out. Happens. You do you and they will do them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because I could never reconcile the idea that God loved us so, yet hung the threat of eternal damnation over our heads to keep us in "faith". All you had to do to be saved was believe. So you be a very good person, who happened to be Jewish, and you would go to hell. And you could be a terrible, awful person who believed in Jesus and thus would be saved. That is the central, most abiding tenet of Christianity.

LOL!!! Christians aren't alone in this, us Muslims can totally relate to all of this and probably most of other religions.

[Anonymous]

What bothers me most is, if Allah (insert preferred name of your God) indeed loves humans more than their mothers, why there is so much misery in this world and why there is an eternal hell? Why not try a kinder system to discipline?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of our kids attend church as adults, in fact they say our religion is a cult now. They were home schooled and attended church school. Their kids go to public school and don't regularly attend church. They drink alcohol and challenge godly teachings they were raised with. In fact they blame us and the church for a lot of their adult problems. I feel like coming back to church would help these problems, but they reject it. It makes me question what was it all for.

Anyone's adult kids come back around to the church in time?

OP, what was it all for, in your view?

Homeschooling was very difficult, lots of conflicts and fights daily. Also, the loss of one income was hard to recover from. It seems like a huge waste of time, money and energy.

Ok, but what was it for? What outcome(s) did you desire, that caused you to leave the workforce, homeschool, and attend church regularly?