Sister-In-Law: I don't get along with her...any advice?
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Anonymous
| I meant recently divorced? |
Anonymous
I think you are on the wrong website dear. |
Anonymous
8 years later. i still dislike my sister in law. she is loud , overbearing, and insensitive. She makes comments about my race and culture, my sons hair (he is bi-racial) and any outrageous thing. I really think she just doesn't care who she insults. My husband has talked to her and each time she apologizes, but 1 month later another crazy comment is made. My advice is limit the time you spend with her around.An unhappy mom is an unhappy family.It is unfor tunate that our children suffer because of us, but i refuse to allow negativity around my family |
Anonymous
I think you need to maintain a superficially positive relationship to the SIL so you can see your nieces. She may be mean to them as well and it would be good for them to have a nice aunt in their lives. |
Anonymous
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I don't hate my SIL, but we wouldn't necessarily be friends. She is the only girl, doesn't have a lot of girl friends, and we don't have a lot in common. I have tried several times, I'm sure she thinks that she has tried too, but we just don't gel. Also, I tend to get really annoyed with how awesome she thinks she is, and how much she brags about herself and her kids. And she is the only girl, so the family gushes over her as well.
But she is family, and my DH is close to her, so I suck it up. Our kids are similar ages and they love playing together, so we see them a couple of times a year. The times we see them, I just let a LOT go. If she does something super possessive with DH, or says something about the way I parent, I correct but politely. And if she is being annoying, I excuse myself to read a book somewhere else in the house. I feel it's important to have family, so I am willing to overlook a lot so that our kids will know each other. I think that's really important. So try to remember that it's only a couple of days! |
Anonymous
| Hmm. I have SILs. Two that I love and respect dearly. One that I could do without. The two that I love are super women who are respectful and loving and tolerant of all people. The one I could do without...is a self-serving, control freak with a demonic personality. Obviously, I do not care for her. She is as rude a person as I have ever encountered. She is arrogant. I do not want to spend time with her ever again. How do I do this? I love my husband...I love his family...I love his sister, his brothers...just not her. My brother in law is turning 70 soon and we have been planning a party for him with all of his siblings. It means a time and cost commitment from us. We spoke to her about it and she was not planning anything big. Now, she has taken control and it is no longer about him and his siblings...it is about her and her family. How do I get out of going without hurting my husband? |
Anonymous
Is this your brother's wife, or your husband's brother's wife? Or your husband's sister…. |
Anonymous
Oh, I just saw this part of your post… OP, there is no point in toughing it out for the sake of the children if your SIL is abusive (or mean, or whatever--negative) toward your children. My SIL (brother's wife) is very judgmental and very black and white in her thinking about things. She will get some opinion of someone in her head and there is no aspect of reality that can shake it. And she has these opinions, weird opinions about people that have zero basis in fact and even when she realizes her original story is wrong, it doesn't change her opinion. Like years ago, she decided I was a thief because I gave my toddler an ornament off a restaurant's Christmas tree. But she didn't know that the restaurant lady actually gave it to my toddler and I was only taking it to be nice. She decided from that point on I was a petty thief, which would be HILARIOUS if it weren't so problematic for the family relations. And also it was pretty irritating; I've got many faults that she could latch on to, but petty theft is not one of them, so I felt unfairly typecast. Also at every family gathering, she was getting mad about something we did or said and we'd hear about it through my brother a week or so later. We were walking on eggshells… I put up with it for years (normally I don't but it was part of a larger issue of keeping peace because it looked like my mom was going to die. She sometimes made strange comments about my DD (I'll call her Larla). Anyways one day we were in my mom's town to attend a funeral, and my SIL and I were walking to a restaurant for breakfast with our kids. The kids were around 5 through 8 y.o. I suggested that we let the four kids have their own table so we could chat and they could practice their restaurant manners. My SIL said she didn't want to do that because when left alone, "it becomes, Lord of the Flies." I was thinking, "WTF? Lord of the Flies?" I mean, these are all pretty good kids. Well, whatever, she's such a helicopter parent that ok, whatever, right? Then we're all at the same table and her 7 y.o. son (we'll call him Aiden) starts singing some naughty song to the Barney theme. "They cut off Barney's head…" (that's about as bad as it got) SIL says, "Oh, Aiden, don't sing that, don't sing that!" (lots of correction dialog here) I said, "What's he singing?" SIL: Oh, it's just, it's just, oh, LARLA taught Aiden that song, that horrible, song, yes, Larla taught him…Larla.... Me: Really? I've never heard it before SIL: You haven't heard it? Aiden! Aiden--Sing Auntie Z the song. Aiden: no…you told me not to... SIL: Sing it! Sing it! Sing it for Auntie Z! Me: No really it's ok SIL: Sing it Aiden! Aiden: "They cut off Barney's head…(etc)" SIL: See. That horrible song that Larla taught him… Aiden: Noooo. No, mom. Larla never taught me that song! SIL: Yes she did Aiden: No, she didn't. Larla didn't teach me that song. I learned it at school. SIL: Larla didn't teach you that song? Aiden: No, mom. I learned it at school! SIL: Are you SURE? Larla didn't teach you that song?………. And I sat there and was like, holy sh*t, she thinks MY daughter is the "Lord of the Flies" kid! And then some of the other weird minor comments she's made about DD over time sort of fell into place. And from that point on, forget it. I'll take a hit so the cousins can play together, but I won't have my daughter take a hit. |
Anonymous
She probably thinks you are judgmental. |
Anonymous
| OP, depending on the age of the kids, I take my nieces on play dates or outings with my kids, to give their parents "time off". Avoid the parent, foster the children's friendships. |
Anonymous
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My husband's sister is an angle. The nicest person I have met in my life and she is my rock. She is my BFF. She builds my minor achievements up in front of the family and sing my praises (and I am not really worthy) and hides my flaws.
She is very plain spoken about things I need to change - but only says it to me when we are alone. So, I listen to her...even when I am miffed because I trust her to be honest and looking out for me. My kids love her. She forgives our eccentricities. She incorporates us in her socializing. She is the solution to all the minor daily life issues we run into. |
Anonymous
| ^^ Angel not angle...LOL |
Anonymous
| OP, I think it's nice that you want to see your nieces and let your DDs have a relationship with their cousins. I think the secret to dealing with your SIL is to acknowledge that she is crazy. And so when she ignores you? Don't feel bad because it is nothing you did -- it's all about her. When she says something nasty, you can let it confirm that yes, she is nasty, but don't let it hurt you because why would you care to have her good opinion? You take away her power when you don't care what she thinks of you. |
Anonymous
You sound jealous. |
Anonymous
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My SIL does not like one single person who has married into her large family. Thank god we only see them once a year. Since I love my spouse I fake it.
Good luck! |