Sister-In-Law: I don't get along with her...any advice?

[Anonymous]

Hi - This is OP. It's not that my sister-in-law and I are just different. If we were just different, then that would be fine. I think she is a mean, perhaps abusive person. For example, the last time that I visited my brother and sister-in-law - it's a long story - but I had to fight back my tears at one restaurant (literally biting my lip and squeezing my hand). She was acting irrational at the table and literally ignored me from the other side of the table when I tried to talk to her. I had done nothing to her, and there was no excuse for just ignoring someone. I tried to ask my brother why she was so upset with me and my brother just said she just gets like that some times. Another example, is that I know she said something to my daughter at one point when I was not around. I had to run back in the house to grab something and when I came out my daughter was looking like she was about to cry. I asked my daughter what had happened and she just stared at my sister-in-law and wouldn't say anything. On the one hand, I really, really want to see my nieces but is it worth it if my sister in law is so awful??????

[Anonymous]

Don't stay at the same house, get a hotel, visit for a few days (few hours a day) or go out somewhere - amusement park or park so that you're not in her space. Maybe she's got issues - depression/anxiety that you don't know about that are making her *itchy towards you.

[Anonymous]

I don't particularly like my SIL either. She is a drama queen and so annoying. When we go out West to visit there is always some issue with her. She is bossy and must orchestrate everything while we are pretty relaxed.

We were meeting their half-brother, our kids uncle at a certain time with the kids and invited her and her kids to come along. No biggie, you are welcome to come. We also told her we had no other plans that couldn't changed if she wanted to do something else that day with us but didn't want to do anything with the half brother. We're the ones who flew across the country and this our vacation while she lives there and it is a normal weekend for her. Yet, she went into a crazy tizzy trying to figure out how she was going to make it all work? She would then get more upset when we looked at her with the "make what work, why is this a big deal".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi - This is OP. It's not that my sister-in-law and I are just different. If we were just different, then that would be fine. I think she is a mean, perhaps abusive person. For example, the last time that I visited my brother and sister-in-law - it's a long story - but I had to fight back my tears at one restaurant (literally biting my lip and squeezing my hand). She was acting irrational at the table and literally ignored me from the other side of the table when I tried to talk to her. I had done nothing to her, and there was no excuse for just ignoring someone. I tried to ask my brother why she was so upset with me and my brother just said she just gets like that some times. Another example, is that I know she said something to my daughter at one point when I was not around. I had to run back in the house to grab something and when I came out my daughter was looking like she was about to cry. I asked my daughter what had happened and she just stared at my sister-in-law and wouldn't say anything. On the one hand, I really, really want to see my nieces but is it worth it if my sister in law is so awful??????

How about inviting your nieces to stay with you for a few days? Would that be feasible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi - This is OP. It's not that my sister-in-law and I are just different. If we were just different, then that would be fine. I think she is a mean, perhaps abusive person. For example, the last time that I visited my brother and sister-in-law - it's a long story - but I had to fight back my tears at one restaurant (literally biting my lip and squeezing my hand). She was acting irrational at the table and literally ignored me from the other side of the table when I tried to talk to her. I had done nothing to her, and there was no excuse for just ignoring someone. I tried to ask my brother why she was so upset with me and my brother just said she just gets like that some times. Another example, is that I know she said something to my daughter at one point when I was not around. I had to run back in the house to grab something and when I came out my daughter was looking like she was about to cry. I asked my daughter what had happened and she just stared at my sister-in-law and wouldn't say anything. On the one hand, I really, really want to see my nieces but is it worth it if my sister in law is so awful??????

How about inviting your nieces to stay with you for a few days? Would that be feasible?

Would you allow your children to visit your SIL if she felt like this about you? I wouldn't because she might take her dislike of me out on my children. Also, don't think this doesn't happen.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it would be feasible to bring kids to visit me at this age, unfortunately. My SIL does not know how much I dislike her. I always try to put on a happy face and act fine and follow all of her rules, etc. I have to act fine because I would never do anything to jeopardize my relationship with my neices. If I can't handle it I just take my kids for a walk alone. Also, I would never in a million years take out my dislike of my SIL onto my nieces. I love them too much and I know they are not the same as my SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, doubt she feels the same. Ignore the troll. Some people are territorial (SIL) and don't want new people in the family. Very primitive, and not very socially sophisticated. Probably not sophisticated on any level

My SIL has to have everything done for her. She is really quite lazy. In fat, most of the family is quite lazy except DH. Just ignore SIL, take turns with the kids, and don't take it personally.

I know my SIL doesn't have many friends (just her sister and her sister's friends - other SIL), so that is telling. MY SIL does not get along with most people, even at the professional level. It is likely not you.

I don't think this person actually knows what "troll" really means.

[Anonymous]

19:15 - you sound like a delightful person with many friends yourself. Or probably not.

Regardless, I fully expect you to go into a grammar correction as a desperate attempt. Until then, I can tell you that SIL's own family doesn't like her. She doesn't know. Is it you?

As DH employs his entire family, I can tell you that you are wrong. Hopefully he'll fire your ass next. Look forward to seeing it.

[Anonymous]

this is PP with the disney loving SIL. OP, if your SIL is saying toxic things to you or your children, you have to be around when there is interaction. You're the adult and can take it, your children are not. So I'd disagree with the keep your distance thing. Meantime, it sounds like maybe your SIL has some emotional problems. Has anyone in the family suggested she get involved with therapy? I know your heart probably does not bleed for her, but think of her children. It would be great if someone could reach out to her, in the hope of helping them.

[Anonymous]

I don't get along with my SIL either, first and foremost she has lied to me and set me up for failure too many times, She has used me and purposely excludes me from things. she is manipulative, conniving, selfish, and has a control type of personality. We both have two children about the same age and she is constantly wanting them to play together. I know it's important for them to get to know each other and grow up together, and I would feel fine if they were at my home, in my supervision....However she doesn't let them come over here very often.......even when she is invited to stay( Once in the last 6 months) She prefers to take them for me for a few hours , ( Babysit) not inviting me to the playdate. how do I let me children play with the children of someone I don't like as a person. Especially unsupervised by me?? Someone who has such characteristics that I would not want my children to pick up?? If it were a person outside my family....I would definatley not allow them to babysit for me let alone allow them to take my children. Bottom line..........I don't trust my SIL motives for wanting my children over.....Nor do I trust that she will not use the visit someway to manipulate or play a headgame with. So I choose to leave our visits and the visits of our children for family get togethers. We get together often enough ( at least once a month) for that to be enough contact in my book. I don't believe there are too many "cousins" out there that are best friends...........and if there are their parents are probably people who respect each other...........with that lacking in my relationship with my SIL, how can we ever be close???

[Anonymous]

Invite your neices/nephews for sleep overs/back yard camp outs/playdates/outings and don't invite your SIL. Basically babysit for her. Give your kids time with hers.

[Anonymous]

Why was this resurrected? OP, any new developments? Have you just ignored her - which is what she probably deserves? Or, you could be the better person and be ultra social. Bullies hate that. She might be a bully like some of my IL's. DH went through a LOT growing up. Anything new OP?

[Anonymous]

Booze.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how many of these people are SILs? I bet they are venting about each other!

[Anonymous]

My SIL is a complete psycho path, overlyhjealous of any female who comes close to her brothers. She's the only girl, no excise for me!! I can't stand her. Recently she invited her husbands sister to a party at my MIL house oh plus that iz my bf's ex!!! I confronted her about it an that it was very disrespectful, she obviously didn't get the memo an invited Her to a fathers day cookout.( her SIL is recently divided an nvr had anything to do with my bf's family. ????????? HELP I CANNOT STAND HER!!! She treats her brothers as her husband, she tries to cook for them, run their errands, clean rooms, houses everything. I guess she was neglected as a child idk!! After the x gf incident we don't talk at all!!!! Or one of.her brothers an of course her husband, its so awkward at family functions idk what to do++????