People that ain't drink when others are

[Anonymous]

Damn, you are judgmental. Also, don’t use the word ain’t. I also no longer drink, but I don’t care what my friends do as long as they have a safe ride home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for everyone's thoughts. The person who told me about drinking is my husband. We vary greatly on our thoughts of alcohol. He doesn't usually drink while at home besides maybe a beer or two a few times a year. But he believes if you are socializing, you need to drink to have fun. He's an introvert himself so the alcohol let's his inhibitions down so he can let loose. After being together for 31 years, he still thinks I should drink even though he has seen me have fun and socialize without alcohol.

So your husband is an idiot. Simple as. He feels self conscious about it. It's silly.

[Anonymous]

You do you- but as someone who doesn’t really drink anymore (no longer tastes good, I don’t need the extra calories etc) :

IME (assuming no health reason or alcohol issues) you are socially better off just taking a beer or glass of wine, having maybe a few sips and then just hold onto it/carry it around. After the others have a few drinks they will not notice anyway lol. Or at a bar or larger event, just carry around a club soda with lime.

I think people (incorrectly!) feel judged about their drinking, when around non-drinkers, and it makes them uncomfortable. Or they view it as “making a statement” or something. Ridiculous as that is.

[Anonymous]

I don’t drink much. I feel sorry for people who do. Alcohol is a toxin and is terrible for sleep, the waistline and the brain. Anyway, I don’t care what other people think. If some alcoholic is judging me I don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is insecure that he needs the alcohol and you don’t in those settings. He’s wrong. That said, if you order tonic or sparkling water with lime, instead of just tap water, that makes it more like a drink and less like you’re sitting it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t drink much. I feel sorry for people who do. Alcohol is a toxin and is terrible for sleep, the waistline and the brain. Anyway, I don’t care what other people think. If some alcoholic is judging me I don’t care.

And they should not care that you are judging them.

[Anonymous]

People who try to control what others drink often can't control their own drinking. As a PP said, it's easier to hide your alcohol problem when surrounded by other drunks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is both immature and true. I don't drink either and I can feel the vibe change when I get a water.

I still get my water and go way out of my way to make sure people know I am not judging anyone else who is drinking. And no one ever makes a big deal about it. But I definitely do feel that it changes the tone.

NP. I'm sorry you "feel the vibe change" and you feel you must go out of your way to explain yourself and explain you're not judging. PP, that all indicates that your friends are not actually good, non-judgemental friends to you; you're picking up on the fact that THEY are judging YOU, and feel you have to explain yourself. No one should have to explain such a basic, personal, doesn't-affect-anyone-else choice to a real friend. I'd seriously consider if they're judgemental in other ways, not just about drinking, or if they like to drink until they're drunk or at least a little buzzed and if you really want to spend your time around that any more.

Having to "make sure people know I am not judging" whenever you're just supposed to be enjoying each others' company would be exhausting eventually. I know, you say no one "makes a big deal about it" but if there's a discernable vibe change to you, well, you're kind of letting them off the hook for judging you when you aren't judging them. Doesn't sound like a good time to me.

[Anonymous]

It's not because you don't drink, or are drinking water. It's because your overall vibe is tense or uptight. Others are trying to relax and someone who seems tightly wound ruins that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn, you are judgmental. Also, don’t use the word ain’t. I also no longer drink, but I don’t care what my friends do as long as they have a safe ride home.

You mean you aren't judgmental, and don't care what others do, unless they use the word "ain't."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about everyone's thoughts on people that don't drink while out with others that are?

I don't drink never have never will. I just don't see the appeal of it. After a conversation last night I was told that people who don't drink even a beer while out with others who are in lamens turns are a buzz kill and are no fun because I'm not drinking. And I should at least have something.

I feel that this persons train of thought about not drinking in social events is immature especially since I dont care what others do and happily participate in conversations and have fun with those that drink. Heck I've bought alcohol for holidays, bbq's and events I've hosted for others.

So what is everyone's thoughts?

People are insecure and don’t want to be seen wasted by someone sober. They also unconsciously realize this person has more self control than they do!!!
I personally love drinking alcohol and have a hard time passing up a drink if I’m out at night but my hubby often gets zero and we always encourage friends who don’t drink to join us and would never make a non drinker uncomfortable. Be strong and stay healthy!!!! Alcohol is fun and I do enjoy it but it’s not a toxin and we should all be ok that some don’t partake!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be in a celebratory mood. Raise your glass. Laugh. Tell a story. Alcohol makes it easier, loosening inhibitions. If you can participate and be a welcome addition to the group, without alcohol, the alcohol doesn't matter at all.

+1 There's a big difference between someone who says "just a water" when ordering with a group and someone who orders what they want, alcohol or not. I rarely drink socially and never have any issue.

[Anonymous]

I mean you sound drunk in your post so no one should notice

[Anonymous]

It’s insecurity. Your friend is insecure making decisions for themselves, they want everyone around them to reinforce their decisions. It’s human nature, most people are like that to some degree, it does feel comforting to have our peers reaffirm our choices.

Humans are social creatures & tend to like to do things with others - safety in numbers. Some people will literally do nothing without other’s approval/cooperation - won’t go to a party alone, or will always ask what everyone’s wearing to something, or won’t order dessert unless someone else will too, etc.

I think it’s a confidence thing. Not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rarely drink. I'll enjoy a drink (one single drink) every now and then, like maybe 5-15 drinks over the course of an entire year. But I absolutely don't need it.

Admittedly, I do judge people who feel the need to drink at social events - they're masking something, or using alcohol as a crutch to get them through, and I think that's harmful.

An occasional celebratory drink is one thing. Normalizing it every time you get together or have an event, is indicative of a problem. And if you need more than one drink to get a buzz, then you definitely have a problem because your tolerance is completely muted.

This is all just your opinion, not fact.

It's a fact. There are a lot of people who are in incredible denial about their alcohol dependency, as a normal thing to order every time they go out or get together with others.