Husband scores wife an 8. Wife scorns him for months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. An 8 is pretty damn good.

Right? DH says "you're an eight" to me at the funniest times, always makes me feel special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The letter is written in an ambiguous way -- it's unclear whether the wife actually asked him to rank her on a 10 point scale or if he volunteered this form of "compliment" when she went looking for one.

Like my response to this is different if she said "scale of 1 to 10, how hot am I?" versus if she said "do you think I'm good looking?" If she asked him to rate her and he answered, she is absolutely at fault for asking a question she didn't want an answer to (especially because yes, an 8 is a very high ranking for most of us mortals). If she merely asked him if he thought she was attractive and he was like "yes, definitely, you're a solid 8," then her upset is totally warranted.

All of that said, even if your wife says "please rate me on a scale of 1 to 10," you need to understand she is not actually looking for a rating. Not even an inflated one. What she really wants is for you to say "you will alway see a 10 to me" because what she really wants is reassurance, not an unbiased assessment. She knows she's not a 10 and she knows you know that, she just wants to know that it doesn't really matter, that you love her anyway. Yes it's insecure but all people are insecure at times and if someone is having an insecure moment, it actually is the job of their marriage partner to reassure them. If you think you are going to get through marriage without at least a few moments of your spouse feeling insecure and needing validation/reassurance, then maybe marriage isn't for you. Everyone has their down moments.

Those are a lot of words to explain that when women ask their SO or spouse this type of question they're going out of their way to try to pick a fight if you give any answers they don't want to hear. Just as Ms. Hax stated.

What a ridiculous waste of time.

Good luck with your divorce, dude.

[Anonymous]

A lot of women think they’re 10s and they’re 5s. Guys are generally nice and bump women up a little.

At the end if the day he is damned if he does or damned if he doesn’t

[Anonymous]

He claims that he was making a joke, but maybe he was just being honest and his mistake was saying the quiet part out loud. Most guys don't marry 10s because a 10 is out of their league.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guarantee she's likely a 6 and he was being generous with an 8. Most people are not going to be 8-10. Come on.

+1

I think most people are 6-7. Maybe 6-8 if I am being generous.

[Anonymous]

So does this delusional wife think her husband should rate her the same as like an Adriana Lima?

He loves you as a whole person, not just looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"For one thing, “an eight” for most of us isn’t just a compliment; it’s sweet and awww-inspiring grade inflation."

What world does Carolyn live in that being an "eight" is grade inflation?

Weirdly I was thinking the other day about what my husband and I would be. Neither of us is unattractive but we have mom bod / dad bod and middle age going on. I decided I’d give me a 6 and him a 5 or 5.5. So yeah, an 8 sounds like a compliment!

[Anonymous]

The guy is a moron. If you love someone you say you’re a10, 11 or 12 or off the charts or whatever. Never say anything less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guarantee she's likely a 6 and he was being generous with an 8. Most people are not going to be 8-10. Come on.

+1

I think most people are 6-7. Maybe 6-8 if I am being generous.

How could most people be above average? 5 is in the middle. Literally this makes zero sense.

This is why grade inflation is so rampant in US schools. Everyone is told their entire lives that they're special and smart. Well, sorry, not really. You're about average intelligence. Same with looks. Most people are going to be around the average, not above it or below it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The guy is a moron. If you love someone you say you’re a10, 11 or 12 or off the charts or whatever. Never say anything less.

Not at all. DH and I are scientists and I'd rather he be honest. I'm honest with him. We value accuracy in this household, not that we apply it to such drivel, but if he started saying I was a 12, I'd look at him weird.

[Anonymous]

In this thread: Men pretending to be women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"For one thing, “an eight” for most of us isn’t just a compliment; it’s sweet and awww-inspiring grade inflation."

What world does Carolyn live in that being an "eight" is grade inflation?

What world do you live in where there are all these 8s, 9s, and 10s?

I mean I think I'm an 8 so if someone said that I was I would just say thank you. But I am not a 20yo boy so I don't rate women on a 1-10 scale.

If you were actually an 8, you would be way too busy to be on the website

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"For one thing, “an eight” for most of us isn’t just a compliment; it’s sweet and awww-inspiring grade inflation."

What world does Carolyn live in that being an "eight" is grade inflation?

What world do you live in where there are all these 8s, 9s, and 10s?

I mean I think I'm an 8 so if someone said that I was I would just say thank you. But I am not a 20yo boy so I don't rate women on a 1-10 scale.

If you were actually an 8, you would be way too busy to be on the website

Yeah. Only uggos slack off at work lol.

[Anonymous]

If he said anything less than 10 he’s just dumb. She’s not asking for an honest evaluation (just like she’s not really asking if her outfit looks nice or her pants make her look fat).

These call for automatic, unthinking, immediate responses: 10/yes/no. They are not genuine questions and every guy knows that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In this thread: Men pretending to be women

Haha, was just thinking the same thing.

This is so easy. The key here is that you are married to this person. You are not asking an unbiased stranger to assess your attractiveness. You are asking the person you married to do it. So even if you both know that OBVIOUSLY there are women out there who are much more attractive than you, in that moment, you need them to pretend it's not the case.

This is one of the things spouses are for. I also perform this service for my husband by the way. He's a slightly above average looking middle age guy. His hair is thinning and going gray. He has a bit of a gut. I tell him all the time how handsome he is. Because even though I know objectively he's not Brad Pitt, he really is handsome to me. I love him. I can't imagine being with someone else. I don't sit around comparing him to hotter guys because I'm not in love with those men.

That's what women want to hear too. This is very, very simple.