Husband scores wife an 8. Wife scorns him for months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. My mom did that to my dad decades ago. They were in their 50s, on vacation, and I think he said “9” …and she was in tears. As a teen I just didn’t get why she would ask or why she was upset with his response (he was a very honest guy so it was quite the compliment!).

Apparently the only women asking their DH's this question has gutter level self esteem and only want to hear 10. It would never occur to me to set this type of trap on my DH.

I don’t understand this response. If my DH asked, I’d tell him he was an 11. The woman says her husband says he was making a joke. My response would make my DH laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PS - the husband absolutely wrote that letter to Hax, pretending to be the wife.

LOL. No. Men don't think, let along behave that way. It would never occur to us to do something like that.

The DH wrote the letter from the perspective of the wife, describing all the stuff she was doing to him.

DW "punishing" her husband for the eight comment certainly would not write to Hax; she does not have the self-awareness. DH wrote to Hax as means of sending an SOS message to the world, hoping his DW would read it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on how you consider the scale. When looking at the 0-10 hotness scale, I consider it a normal distribution (ie., one tall hump and two thin tails). So an 8 would be like 1.5 standard deviations from the mean (aka 80% percentile).

An 8 is quite good. 5 is literally the societal average and most average Americans are slobs.

I'm a 6.75 and my wife is an 8. It's very rare I ever consider someone I see in public a 9. You should encounter a "10" only once or twice in your lifetime, IMHO.

What a weird thing for an adult man to say. A 6.75? Really? You've thought about this enough to parse it out like that?

You're the weirdo for not honestly rating yourself against the societal average. It's literally a one minute thought experiment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on how you consider the scale. When looking at the 0-10 hotness scale, I consider it a normal distribution (ie., one tall hump and two thin tails). So an 8 would be like 1.5 standard deviations from the mean (aka 80% percentile).

An 8 is quite good. 5 is literally the societal average and most average Americans are slobs.

I'm a 6.75 and my wife is an 8. It's very rare I ever consider someone I see in public a 9. You should encounter a "10" only once or twice in your lifetime, IMHO.

What a weird thing for an adult man to say. A 6.75? Really? You've thought about this enough to parse it out like that?

Sounds like a STEM type. I know tons of men who would say something like this. (/woman).

[Anonymous]

The letter is written in an ambiguous way -- it's unclear whether the wife actually asked him to rank her on a 10 point scale or if he volunteered this form of "compliment" when she went looking for one.

Like my response to this is different if she said "scale of 1 to 10, how hot am I?" versus if she said "do you think I'm good looking?" If she asked him to rate her and he answered, she is absolutely at fault for asking a question she didn't want an answer to (especially because yes, an 8 is a very high ranking for most of us mortals). If she merely asked him if he thought she was attractive and he was like "yes, definitely, you're a solid 8," then her upset is totally warranted.

All of that said, even if your wife says "please rate me on a scale of 1 to 10," you need to understand she is not actually looking for a rating. Not even an inflated one. What she really wants is for you to say "you will alway see a 10 to me" because what she really wants is reassurance, not an unbiased assessment. She knows she's not a 10 and she knows you know that, she just wants to know that it doesn't really matter, that you love her anyway. Yes it's insecure but all people are insecure at times and if someone is having an insecure moment, it actually is the job of their marriage partner to reassure them. If you think you are going to get through marriage without at least a few moments of your spouse feeling insecure and needing validation/reassurance, then maybe marriage isn't for you. Everyone has their down moments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PS - the husband absolutely wrote that letter to Hax, pretending to be the wife.

LOL. No. Men don't think, let along behave that way. It would never occur to us to do something like that.

I have some news for you about your brothers . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"For one thing, “an eight” for most of us isn’t just a compliment; it’s sweet and awww-inspiring grade inflation."

What world does Carolyn live in that being an "eight" is grade inflation?

By definition an 8 is far above the mean. It was a big compliment. There are so very few 10s in existence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"For one thing, “an eight” for most of us isn’t just a compliment; it’s sweet and awww-inspiring grade inflation."

What world does Carolyn live in that being an "eight" is grade inflation?

What world do you live in where there are all these 8s, 9s, and 10s?

I mean I think I'm an 8 so if someone said that I was I would just say thank you. But I am not a 20yo boy so I don't rate women on a 1-10 scale.

Which means you're probably a 6, maybe 6.5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"For one thing, “an eight” for most of us isn’t just a compliment; it’s sweet and awww-inspiring grade inflation."

What world does Carolyn live in that being an "eight" is grade inflation?

Because we're not grading like my kids' public schools, bozo. No one I know, man or woman, is more than an 8/10. To me, 8 means very beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The letter is written in an ambiguous way -- it's unclear whether the wife actually asked him to rank her on a 10 point scale or if he volunteered this form of "compliment" when she went looking for one.

Like my response to this is different if she said "scale of 1 to 10, how hot am I?" versus if she said "do you think I'm good looking?" If she asked him to rate her and he answered, she is absolutely at fault for asking a question she didn't want an answer to (especially because yes, an 8 is a very high ranking for most of us mortals). If she merely asked him if he thought she was attractive and he was like "yes, definitely, you're a solid 8," then her upset is totally warranted.

All of that said, even if your wife says "please rate me on a scale of 1 to 10," you need to understand she is not actually looking for a rating. Not even an inflated one. What she really wants is for you to say "you will alway see a 10 to me" because what she really wants is reassurance, not an unbiased assessment. She knows she's not a 10 and she knows you know that, she just wants to know that it doesn't really matter, that you love her anyway. Yes it's insecure but all people are insecure at times and if someone is having an insecure moment, it actually is the job of their marriage partner to reassure them. If you think you are going to get through marriage without at least a few moments of your spouse feeling insecure and needing validation/reassurance, then maybe marriage isn't for you. Everyone has their down moments.

Those are a lot of words to explain that when women ask their SO or spouse this type of question they're going out of their way to try to pick a fight if you give any answers they don't want to hear. Just as Ms. Hax stated.

What a ridiculous waste of time.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. An 8 is pretty damn good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"For one thing, “an eight” for most of us isn’t just a compliment; it’s sweet and awww-inspiring grade inflation."

What world does Carolyn live in that being an "eight" is grade inflation?

By definition an 8 is far above the mean. It was a big compliment. There are so very few 10s in existence.

This. If 10 is every fairly attractive woman, a 10 is meaningless. 10 is, like, Marilyn Monroe or Angelina Jolie or something. Women who are so beautiful they get paid millions of dollars because of their beauty.

That said, one some guy pointed to me and asked my husband where I scored on a scale of 1-10, and the dude said 12, and then my husband said "20." And that was the correct answer for a husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. My mom did that to my dad decades ago. They were in their 50s, on vacation, and I think he said “9” …and she was in tears. As a teen I just didn’t get why she would ask or why she was upset with his response (he was a very honest guy so it was quite the compliment!).

Apparently the only women asking their DH's this question has gutter level self esteem and only want to hear 10. It would never occur to me to set this type of trap on my DH.

I don’t understand this response. If my DH asked, I’d tell him he was an 11. The woman says her husband says he was making a joke. My response would make my DH laugh.

Because he appreciates the Spinal Tap reference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"For one thing, “an eight” for most of us isn’t just a compliment; it’s sweet and awww-inspiring grade inflation."

What world does Carolyn live in that being an "eight" is grade inflation?

What world do you live in where there are all these 8s, 9s, and 10s?

I mean I think I'm an 8 so if someone said that I was I would just say thank you. But I am not a 20yo boy so I don't rate women on a 1-10 scale.

Which means you're probably a 6, maybe 6.5.

Oh, my dear. If only you knew.

[Anonymous]

I don't think we can agree on who is a 10 and is this assuming 5 is average or assuming each number has an equal portion, would there be more 1s or 10s, it's the dumbest metric possible