Dating market frustrating me

[Anonymous]

I'm just here to ask for more info on these hiking groups full of gay men...please do tell!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simple complementarity. A straight outdoorsy man with high testosterone will seek higher estrogen women.

And the fact is that they, no less than other men, want someone to take care of the home front. The man who does not want genetic offspring is rare, and the one who does not expect any potential mate to raise them almost does not exist.

If you are both out conquering the world, who will be at home to handle everything else?

Don't think they will hike or bike an iota less after the babies come.

This! I know a couple that married early (20s), had kids, then both became super interested in physical fitness and started training for Ironman triathlons. They are divorced now. They were constantly bickering over who was going to watch the kids while they trained, whose turn it was to go swim, ect.

The men that are athletes/outdoorsy want someone to stay at home with kids so they can go on a long bike ride, kayak or whatever.

This.
And what’s moreso, is my experience in my 20s doing a lot of outdoor adventure stuff, hiking in coed groups was that men like to feel like strong protectors and providers biologically and it even shows among this kind of company. The guys were more drawn to the girls that walked slower and needed their help with things, than the girls who were all uber-competitive and at the front of the pack. Sure, they were impressed by the badass fitness girls, but they didn’t date them.

[Anonymous]

Pretty and skinny blonde girls don’t have this problem. There’s something we’re missing here.

They are by far the most desirable type by all men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m well aware of the concept that your value on the dating market is apparent by the types of men who ask you out and remain interested in second and third dates and that some women (and men) just have unrealistic standards. My issue is that I’m running to an opposites-attract problem, from the guys’ perspective.

I’m an active, athletic, outgoing, and outdoorsy kind of person. I’m attracted to similar men, but they aren’t attracted to me. I seem to attract introverted, “nerdy” men. The typical guy I match with on the dating apps is Asian or South Asian, average to below average height, introverted, works in tech, and plays Dungeons N Dragons, and typically just lets me dominate the conversation. I don’t really care about race or height, but the indoors/introvert is just not my type.
Maybe that’s just the selection that uses dating apps. I’ve also joined a local hiking group but, alas, most of the men are gay or taken. And they are often taken by less athletic and more traditionally feminine women who stay home.

Sometimes I think I just lack the natural feminine grace that desirable women have. I’m not “butch” or anything, I like to wear dresses and heels on occasion… but you know how some women are just naturally feminine and sexy in the way they carry themselves? Their makeup, hairstyle, nails, skin, perfume, mannerisms all just make them perfectly put together… Ive just never had that. I think the vibe I give off is more hippie wild child rather than feminine, maternal, and nurturing.

As a side note to all this, this is why it drives me crazy when people say “just don’t be fat” and you’ll attract men. If all I had was one job to not be fat, I should have men chasing me left and right. Many of these hiker/outdoorsy guys’ wives and girlfriends are curvier and softer looking than me, just more feminine.

Too bad I’m not a lesbian!

Then why are those the first 2 attributes you mention when describing the guys you’ve dated? My guess is you DO care about race and height so why not just say so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m well aware of the concept that your value on the dating market is apparent by the types of men who ask you out and remain interested in second and third dates and that some women (and men) just have unrealistic standards. My issue is that I’m running to an opposites-attract problem, from the guys’ perspective.

I’m an active, athletic, outgoing, and outdoorsy kind of person. I’m attracted to similar men, but they aren’t attracted to me. I seem to attract introverted, “nerdy” men. The typical guy I match with on the dating apps is Asian or South Asian, average to below average height, introverted, works in tech, and plays Dungeons N Dragons, and typically just lets me dominate the conversation. I don’t really care about race or height, but the indoors/introvert is just not my type.
Maybe that’s just the selection that uses dating apps. I’ve also joined a local hiking group but, alas, most of the men are gay or taken. And they are often taken by less athletic and more traditionally feminine women who stay home.

Sometimes I think I just lack the natural feminine grace that desirable women have. I’m not “butch” or anything, I like to wear dresses and heels on occasion… but you know how some women are just naturally feminine and sexy in the way they carry themselves? Their makeup, hairstyle, nails, skin, perfume, mannerisms all just make them perfectly put together… Ive just never had that. I think the vibe I give off is more hippie wild child rather than feminine, maternal, and nurturing.

As a side note to all this, this is why it drives me crazy when people say “just don’t be fat” and you’ll attract men. If all I had was one job to not be fat, I should have men chasing me left and right. Many of these hiker/outdoorsy guys’ wives and girlfriends are curvier and softer looking than me, just more feminine.

Too bad I’m not a lesbian!

Then why are those the first 2 attributes you mention when describing the guys you’ve dated? My guess is you DO care about race and height so why not just say so?

Op is weirdo

Won’t mention her age, race and ses

Then does it reverse as you highlighted

[Anonymous]

Do you use hormonal birth control? Maybe your pheromones, natural body scent etc is sending the wrong signals and there's a mismatch in who is getting the message?

You keep talking about how you're not feminine, etc. But that doesn't have anything to do with being blond or some standard of pretty in a dress. Maybe your hormones are out of whack? That's very common now, what with the estrogen mimickers in food, soap, etc.

[Anonymous]

There are going to be more introverts on the apps because that is how introverts meet people.

Two outgoing people in a couple is not always a good thing. Most success couples have an introvert and an extrovert.

Anyway, you seem to think you are entitled to a man because you’re thin? Weird post

[Anonymous]

Np but after being on dcum for years I have read countless posts that have said you have plenty of options if you are thin and pleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np but after being on dcum for years I have read countless posts that have said you have plenty of options if you are thin and pleasant.

Isn't it true? Women don't approach men so you're more likely to have more options if you're thin and pleasant, which most men want.

OP since you are exclusively attracting tech guys I will throw out there that even if you're thin and beautiful, if you're undiagnosed neurodiverse then you are going to naturally attract all the ADHD etc guys

[Anonymous]

Go for someone who likes you. Dating doesn’t have to be complicated. The introverts may end up living hiking!

[Anonymous]

I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news first. Some men will not be attracted to your type. I'm one of them. I had a mostly great relationship with a woman like you but had to break up with her. Some of the women I prefer are thinner, some are thicker, most are less athletic, and some are even more athletic, but almost all of them have more feminine faces (not necessarily more glamorous or made up, but always more delicate looking). They also usually walk more gracefully. Sorry, it's true.

Now the good news. Honestly, it's very good news. A lot of guys wanted to date that woman. They really admired and respected her. They also were obviously attracted to her physically. Also, meeting men organically is easy if you have passions like outdoor sports and exploring nature. I predict that you'll find your man if you keep going on bike rides, hikes, kayak trips, etc., with different groups.

You also might turn out to like some of the nerds. Seriously. If you can go hiking with your female friends and then come home to a guy who adored you and rocks your world in the bedroom, that might not be a bad thing. Some of the nerds might check all of your other boxes, including some that can't be evaluated until you know a guy for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you fat though? Tell us your BMI and we'll tell you what's really going on.

I don't think Asian men would be into her if she was fat.

An incel would be into any female physique.

[Anonymous]

Get into skiing or snowboarding. Total sausage fest and these guys all have money. It’s an expensive hobby. And many of the guys won’t get involved with a woman if she’s not into the sport. A guy who skies 50+ days per year will pick skiing over a non-skiing woman 99% of the time.

Get thee to a ski resort this upcoming winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you fat though? Tell us your BMI and we'll tell you what's really going on.

I don't think Asian men would be into her if she was fat.

An incel would be into any female physique.

Most single Asian men fit the incel stereotype. Maybe there’s something to this.

[Anonymous]

I’m a not outdoorsy type fit Asian female. I never had problems attracting white or Asian outdoorsy types. I don’t think you are Asian but there are plenty of outdoorsy Asian men as well.