Dating market frustrating me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're on the strong and chunky side, you might need to make a slight pivot from the hiking, outdoorsy men to the shotput, caber tossy lads.

I don’t know how it got brought up here that I was “chunky” but that is not the case. I thought I implied it but I am nowhere close to fat, I’m thin and athletic. I’m thinner than the girlfriends and wives.

[Anonymous]

OP: go to a group hike wearing a sports bra. You'll get plenty of attention from manly guys.

[Anonymous]

Op, why aren’t you mentioning your:

1. Age
2. Race
3. SES

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. In still pictures I look like a blonde sorority girl, but I’m actually very technical/quantitative and my interests and hobbies are very “nerdy tech guy” and not at all “pilates and tennis PTA mom”. My demeanor and vibe isn’t feminine and nurturing at all. The huge mismatch between who people expect me to be based on appearance and who I actually am is kind of distressing because some men will abruptly lose interest once they figure it out and the men who might actually be into it won’t bother to approach me. I honestly have no idea how to present myself in a way that would fix that, because I’m a pretty conventional person and anything edgy would feel like a costume, like I’m not going out dressed like girl with the dragon tattoo.

[Anonymous]

Not OP but people keep saying hiking meetups are full of men. This has not been my experience when I join group hikes (they tend to be full of lady strollers). where do you find such meetups?

[Anonymous]

I think for desirable men as you describe, an "outdoorsy" personality is only a secondary/minor thing they would be looking for....

[Anonymous]

It's the man's fault for not approaching you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think for desirable men as you describe, an "outdoorsy" personality is only a secondary/minor thing they would be looking for....

There’s a lot of accuracy in this. It’s a nice bonus, but not the top priority and if someone attractive and fun is not “outdoorsy” it doesn’t make her less attractive.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, most guys don’t want to compete with another outdoorsie person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP. In still pictures I look like a blonde sorority girl, but I’m actually very technical/quantitative and my interests and hobbies are very “nerdy tech guy” and not at all “pilates and tennis PTA mom”. My demeanor and vibe isn’t feminine and nurturing at all. The huge mismatch between who people expect me to be based on appearance and who I actually am is kind of distressing because some men will abruptly lose interest once they figure it out and the men who might actually be into it won’t bother to approach me. I honestly have no idea how to present myself in a way that would fix that, because I’m a pretty conventional person and anything edgy would feel like a costume, like I’m not going out dressed like girl with the dragon tattoo.

Just put on a tee-shirt with the Linux penguin. It's not complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP. In still pictures I look like a blonde sorority girl, but I’m actually very technical/quantitative and my interests and hobbies are very “nerdy tech guy” and not at all “pilates and tennis PTA mom”. My demeanor and vibe isn’t feminine and nurturing at all. The huge mismatch between who people expect me to be based on appearance and who I actually am is kind of distressing because some men will abruptly lose interest once they figure it out and the men who might actually be into it won’t bother to approach me. I honestly have no idea how to present myself in a way that would fix that, because I’m a pretty conventional person and anything edgy would feel like a costume, like I’m not going out dressed like girl with the dragon tattoo.

You can try approaching them!

This feels like the premise for a romcom novel (that I would absolutely read). Your best guy friend who coaches you on how to attract nerdier men turns out to have been the right one all along.

[Anonymous]

OP, you still haven’t answered the #1 most important question: WHAT IS YOUR AGE? That’s the most important variable. Any good advice anyone here could give will depend on that.

[Anonymous]

I mean, if every man you want ends up with a woman with long hair, manicured nails, and done makeup, wouldn’t it just make sense to have long hair, nails, and makeup?

For the record, I don’t think men care an iota about nails and fashion. But hair, makeup, and personality matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP. In still pictures I look like a blonde sorority girl, but I’m actually very technical/quantitative and my interests and hobbies are very “nerdy tech guy” and not at all “pilates and tennis PTA mom”. My demeanor and vibe isn’t feminine and nurturing at all. The huge mismatch between who people expect me to be based on appearance and who I actually am is kind of distressing because some men will abruptly lose interest once they figure it out and the men who might actually be into it won’t bother to approach me. I honestly have no idea how to present myself in a way that would fix that, because I’m a pretty conventional person and anything edgy would feel like a costume, like I’m not going out dressed like girl with the dragon tattoo.

Just put on a tee-shirt with the Linux penguin. It's not complicated.

+1. If you are really pretty and blonde, it’s not that complicated.

If you’re seeking a programming nerd, wear a Linux shirt.

Seeking a jock, wear sports team branded gear.

Seeking a musician, wear a band t-shirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple complementarity. A straight outdoorsy man with high testosterone will seek higher estrogen women.

And the fact is that they, no less than other men, want someone to take care of the home front. The man who does not want genetic offspring is rare, and the one who does not expect any potential mate to raise them almost does not exist.

If you are both out conquering the world, who will be at home to handle everything else?

Don't think they will hike or bike an iota less after the babies come.

This! I know a couple that married early (20s), had kids, then both became super interested in physical fitness and started training for Ironman triathlons. They are divorced now. They were constantly bickering over who was going to watch the kids while they trained, whose turn it was to go swim, ect.

The men that are athletes/outdoorsy want someone to stay at home with kids so they can go on a long bike ride, kayak or whatever.