Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.

[Anonymous]

Your DD shouldn’t be surprised if no one shows up tonight. None of the girls has RSVPed “yes”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can be really hard OP. DD is planning the same type of event. She handled the invites at school and via text. Getting kids to confirm is tough. They are school friends but usually don’t hang out outside of school. Of the 5 invited we are down to 3-4 and my guess is it will be 1 less tomorrow.
I would talk through the options and let her decide. DD and I have a backup plan to go shopping.

Thank you, it’s nice to that my DD isn’t the only one in this boat. Not all school friends hang out outside of school. I don’t know why that’s so hard to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was the Evite. Either you or your daughter get the girl's cells and send the time and place in a group chat and ask the girls to text RSVP by x date. Follow up on that date with anyone that hasn't.

My 15yo was invited to a birthday party this weekend via Evite. I had not RSVPd. Kid texted my kid and my kid told me to RSVP yes and I did.

Are these girls your daughter hangs out with regularly?

These are friends she just made this school year. Outside of school, she hasn’t had a chance to hang out with them.

These don't sound like close friends if they never get together outside of school. My guess is that these are "friendly" kids, not really friends. Why the Evite? 15 year olds don't do that. They text or message to coordinate date/time/place.

My 14 year old's friend has a birthday party on Saturday afternoon. The plans were made entirely between the kids, with no parental involvement, and through texts/messaging. Parents only get involved if someone needs a ride.

Why not? It’s been my experience that other parents want some kind of communication with another parent before dropping them off at their house or a venue for a party instead of going off of their kid’s word. I thought the Evite would be easy since it includes all the information the parents need.

The problem here is that you’re sending the invites to the parents as if the kids are 8 years old, instead of the kids getting together and deciding what dates and times work for them, and essentially planning the whole thing amongst themselves.

If I’m the parent of an invited kid, I ask for the other parent’s contact information, so I can contact them in an emergency. If I’m the birthday kid’s parent, I ask for all the parents’ contacts in case there is an emergency and do a group text to introduce myself, let them know I’ll be available in case of emergencies, and to offer rides for anyone that needs it.

These kids are 14-15. There still has to be some kind of parent involvement. They need a ride, the birthday child has to make sure the date works for their parents, the venue has to be in the parent’s budget, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually at this age the kids make all the plans and then the parents confirm.

Since she has never hung out with these girls outside of school before, celebrating a birthday at a restaurant is a big first step and a lot of social pressure for teens.

Are there other friends she could invite from church, hobbies, neighborhood, school previous years etc that she is closer too?

These are the girls she wants to celebrate with.

[Anonymous]

offer to pick up the friends. maybe transportation is part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

I would follow up with a text around noon today. Hey friends. Sorry tonight did not work for any of you. Spending the day with the family. Or whatever is appropriate in teen speak. I would not just how up to the restaurant and hope if no one has replied positively.

[Anonymous]

I just did an evite for my tweens birthday in June. I didn’t realize this stopped at a certain point. If I’m hosting a party or dinner why wouldn’t still send some type of invitation?

OP these friends don’t sound like good friends which is a shame for your daughter. I think they’re making excuses. If they wanted to come they would have figured it out. Does she have other friends she could invite last minute or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was the Evite. Either you or your daughter get the girl's cells and send the time and place in a group chat and ask the girls to text RSVP by x date. Follow up on that date with anyone that hasn't.

My 15yo was invited to a birthday party this weekend via Evite. I had not RSVPd. Kid texted my kid and my kid told me to RSVP yes and I did.

Are these girls your daughter hangs out with regularly?

These are friends she just made this school year. Outside of school, she hasn’t had a chance to hang out with them.

These don't sound like close friends if they never get together outside of school. My guess is that these are "friendly" kids, not really friends. Why the Evite? 15 year olds don't do that. They text or message to coordinate date/time/place.

My 14 year old's friend has a birthday party on Saturday afternoon. The plans were made entirely between the kids, with no parental involvement, and through texts/messaging. Parents only get involved if someone needs a ride.

People need to stfu with speaking for every teen and parent. Not everyone does that.
I can imagine the kids texts. They would be like “ok I’m gonna say that it’s Beth’s birthday party and Beth will say it’s my birthday. We’ll have our clueless moms drop us off at the restaurant and we’ll meet Jeff and Sam there. Sam drives, we hang out at Sam’s house because his parents are away for the weekend. We figure out how to sleep at Sam’s later. “

That is not at all what I’m saying. The parents are informed of the plans, but aren’t the ones making them. It’s weird to send evites to parents about a 15 year old’s birthday party, instead of the birthday kid getting together with friends and with their parents separately to figure things out.

How it usually goes at our house is like this. Kid and parents figure out open Fridays/Saturdays/school holidays that would work for the dinner or bowling or whatever and a budget. Kid then texts/chats/meets in person with friends to figure out what works for the group collectively. Friends check with their parents during these discussions to make sure everything works for them as well, and to see if they’ll need rides. Once this is all sorted, kid informs host parents who then send out a group text confirming the details, offering rides, etc. At no point do parents send Evites to other parents. There is no need to RSVP because kid already knows who can come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just did an evite for my tweens birthday in June. I didn’t realize this stopped at a certain point. If I’m hosting a party or dinner why wouldn’t still send some type of invitation?

OP these friends don’t sound like good friends which is a shame for your daughter. I think they’re making excuses. If they wanted to come they would have figured it out. Does she have other friends she could invite last minute or no?

I think DD’s 11th birthday was the last one I was involved in planning (Covid times). Once in MS, they start figuring things out for themselves.

It sounds like OP’s daughter has friends that will come to her dinner but that’s not who she wants to invite. And the ones she wants to invite don’t want to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just did an evite for my tweens birthday in June. I didn’t realize this stopped at a certain point. If I’m hosting a party or dinner why wouldn’t still send some type of invitation?

OP these friends don’t sound like good friends which is a shame for your daughter. I think they’re making excuses. If they wanted to come they would have figured it out. Does she have other friends she could invite last minute or no?

Did you use the kids email or the parents? I think that is where the issue is. At some point the invitation goes directly to the kid not the parent.

[Anonymous]

When my DS turned 16 he wanted to go to a hibachi restaurant with friends. He organized it via text, it was very local so all of the boys could there easily, and I gave DS my credit card for the end of the meal. Then the boys got picked up/walked home. No Evite from me, and I think all but one attended, out of 10 invitees. I told DS that if anyone wanted my contact information to feel free to pass it on. However, I had met the majority of parents, at least in passing.

OP- it sounds like this was kind of a mess from the start unfortunately. It's a lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was the Evite. Either you or your daughter get the girl's cells and send the time and place in a group chat and ask the girls to text RSVP by x date. Follow up on that date with anyone that hasn't.

My 15yo was invited to a birthday party this weekend via Evite. I had not RSVPd. Kid texted my kid and my kid told me to RSVP yes and I did.

Are these girls your daughter hangs out with regularly?

Why didn’t you RSVP?

[Anonymous]

I have 13 and 15 yo teens. My 13 yo probably went to 20+ parties this year and most were evites or paperless posts. There was a formal wedding type invitation for a bar mitzvah but others were mostly evites. There were a few small dinner or outings like a basketball game or last minute birthday dinner that were via text.

My 15yo is going to a party this weekend and it was an Evite.

For my 15yo’s birthday this year, I originally sent a text out to his closest 5 friends about a month in advance to see if kids were available. Then I booked and texted a few other friends including 2 kids I had never met. Every kid came.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if the other parents/kids were unclear on the details. Like, was it clear they didn't have to drop off/pick up at the restaurant? And the guests weren't paying?

For something like this, for nondrivers, I send an email to the parents saying "Larla wants to invite your girls to be our guests at dinner on Friday to celebrate her birthday. We will plan to pick everyone up starting at 7:15 and have them home by 10:00. She'll talk to Darla, Lila and Larlita at school tomorrow, but wanted you to have our phone numbers in case you had questions."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if the other parents/kids were unclear on the details. Like, was it clear they didn't have to drop off/pick up at the restaurant? And the guests weren't paying?

For something like this, for nondrivers, I send an email to the parents saying "Larla wants to invite your girls to be our guests at dinner on Friday to celebrate her birthday. We will plan to pick everyone up starting at 7:15 and have them home by 10:00. She'll talk to Darla, Lila and Larlita at school tomorrow, but wanted you to have our phone numbers in case you had questions."

I just posted that I texted parents right before. I was clear with details saying drop off at our house at x time and that we would be driving to y and z and back to our house. I said parents could pick up at our house at 9-10. Two kids left early and got picked up from venue instead of our house. Friends all live by our house so easier to drop off and pick up from our house.