Retired? Expectations vs Reality

[Anonymous]

What did you do for health insurance, OP? Was that part of your package?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s interesting that there are so many early and mid-50s retirees. I’m 52 and DH 54 and we don’t know anyone even talking about retirement yet. Everyone still has kids at home and then will be paying for college. I’m trying to convince DH to start thinking about retiring in about 5 years for both of us but we have to assess the finances and mentioning to friends they all think that seems early.

I’m wary about health issues and want to enjoy retirement while we are able.

My same reaction re: 50s being early. Some folks must have pensions. Or maybe family assets?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering if a new forum can be set up for the retirement. Retirement related subjects, or preparing for retirement but not what to invest in but more about what do generally about things related to retirement.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now you’re fine bc you are busy and it’ll stay that way for years. You have kids to raise and elderly parents to watch over. Then you’ll have kids in college and you’ll hover over them - even if you don’t hover, you’ll be doing move ins, move outs, parents weekends etc so you’ll have stuff going on, great.

I do caution you about getting to a phase in life where you have nothing going on and you appear to have set up a life of cooking and cleaning. It will get old. Your kids will launch and be in a time of life where they are too busy to entertain you bc they are launching their careers or off in medical residency, not needing mom and dad moving them into their apartments. It’s easy to say oh we’ll travel then but you seem to suggest you’re not even interested in fitness. So cue maybe a trip or so every year + a whole lot of cooking and cleaning day to day. And given that you’re sooo done with corporate life now that you already aren’t in touch with it, it’s not like you can just jump back into consulting projects some 15 yrs from now. What looks sooo great now sounds like a recipe for miserable a decade or two from now. I’ve seen this movie play out over and over again. Like it or not, humans do better over time if they remain mentally engaged in something other than care taking and running the home.

I have friends/family members who are now retired, in their 50s, and they seem to be having a great time. I can't wait to retire at 56.

It’s not a problem at 50 or 56. It’s super freeing at those ages to not work. It becomes a problem in the late 60s/early 70s when the cumulative effect of doing nothing for a decade+ hits and your kids are off living their own lives, not sticking around to entertain mom and dad.

Your kids are still around at 56?

For lots of people even if their kids aren't home at 56, they may be in college or grad school -- i.e. still needing mom and dad some when it's time to move in and out of college apartments each either; mom and dad may head up to school for parents weekend or a few football games; even if mom and dad don't visit them at school, they still plan on having kids home for a few weeks at a time in summer and winter break. All of that changes once kids launch for real. They could easily be in a new job or medical residency or something with minimal time off and they aren't necessarily spending that time off to visit mom and dad all the time, when they have their own vacations they want to take with their own friends/gfs/bfs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people really not see their kids, or are involved in their kids'/grandkids' lives, in retirement? That makes me so so sad.

Uh do you not live in the reality of ambitious people? LOTS of people here have kids who chased their dreams which took them to Silicon Valley or Europe or landed them in some fellowship in cardiac surgery which has them living in Wisconsin for the next 8 years. So no those kids aren't dropping by weekly for Sunday dinner, nor are the grandparents stopping by those grandkids school plays and soccer games every weekend. Sure when the kids have time off they may visit mom/dad a few times a year, but they also tend to have inlaws to visit plus their own vacations they want to take with just their nuclear families. I mean ideal would be your grown kids living in the area, stopping by all the time and then you don't have to "plan" your retirement at all because you'll be busy with kids and grandkids. But the surest way to misery is to plan on it working out that way, then having a kid who can't be brainwashed into staying in the area to take some leg affairs job just to be close to home who instead goes and launches a life someplace else. Sure you can follow your kid to wherever they land, but let's be real if kids want to be busy and not prioritize mom/dad, they won't - whether you live across the country or down the street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 57, will retire next year, and worried.
I’ve always been very busy. I’d like to take more time to cook healthy meals with my daytime hours.
I currently already teach a fitness class and travel a lot. We already have a condo in Florida in a 55 older community.
I am a teacher so I know I will miss children and precious co-workers.
DH and I have always been very young acting for our age and don’t fit in with many our age. That doesn’t mean we should keep working though. I don’t know what it means.
Accepting advice.

It sounds like maybe you aren’t ready to retire yet if you enjoy your work I, on the other hand, am so tired of work, but can’t afford to retire yet.

I want the freedom to travel and it’s so hard to do as a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 57, will retire next year, and worried.
I’ve always been very busy. I’d like to take more time to cook healthy meals with my daytime hours.
I currently already teach a fitness class and travel a lot. We already have a condo in Florida in a 55 older community.
I am a teacher so I know I will miss children and precious co-workers.
DH and I have always been very young acting for our age and don’t fit in with many our age. That doesn’t mean we should keep working though. I don’t know what it means.
Accepting advice.

It sounds like maybe you aren’t ready to retire yet if you enjoy your work I, on the other hand, am so tired of work, but can’t afford to retire yet.

I want the freedom to travel and it’s so hard to do as a teacher.

Also we’ve been empty nesters for 15 years.
We see our kids often. No grandkids. Only plan to snowbird for three months. I’m not going to be breathing down their necks every weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 57, will retire next year, and worried.
I’ve always been very busy. I’d like to take more time to cook healthy meals with my daytime hours.
I currently already teach a fitness class and travel a lot. We already have a condo in Florida in a 55 older community.
I am a teacher so I know I will miss children and precious co-workers.
DH and I have always been very young acting for our age and don’t fit in with many our age. That doesn’t mean we should keep working though. I don’t know what it means.
Accepting advice.

I think you will find other people who are "young for their age" if you do activities you like.

I play pickleball (spare me the jokes) and I've met a lot of people in their 60's and 70's who I would have thought are 10 yrs younger than they actually are. They are the ones like you who are healthy and active, and have interesting past lives. Really nice people.

I also volunteer at a hospital/outpatient clinic one day a week, and I see A LOT of people who are struggling to get through their day and struggling with mobility. Some of them are the same age or younger than the pickleball folks I know. The difference in physical ability and mental outlook diverges greatly in the 60's and 70's. You have some who are super active and squeezing the sweet nectar out of life... and others who are barely getting by.

You'll find your people by doing the activities you love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now you’re fine bc you are busy and it’ll stay that way for years. You have kids to raise and elderly parents to watch over. Then you’ll have kids in college and you’ll hover over them - even if you don’t hover, you’ll be doing move ins, move outs, parents weekends etc so you’ll have stuff going on, great.

I do caution you about getting to a phase in life where you have nothing going on and you appear to have set up a life of cooking and cleaning. It will get old. Your kids will launch and be in a time of life where they are too busy to entertain you bc they are launching their careers or off in medical residency, not needing mom and dad moving them into their apartments. It’s easy to say oh we’ll travel then but you seem to suggest you’re not even interested in fitness. So cue maybe a trip or so every year + a whole lot of cooking and cleaning day to day. And given that you’re sooo done with corporate life now that you already aren’t in touch with it, it’s not like you can just jump back into consulting projects some 15 yrs from now. What looks sooo great now sounds like a recipe for miserable a decade or two from now. I’ve seen this movie play out over and over again. Like it or not, humans do better over time if they remain mentally engaged in something other than care taking and running the home.

I have friends/family members who are now retired, in their 50s, and they seem to be having a great time. I can't wait to retire at 56.

It’s not a problem at 50 or 56. It’s super freeing at those ages to not work. It becomes a problem in the late 60s/early 70s when the cumulative effect of doing nothing for a decade+ hits and your kids are off living their own lives, not sticking around to entertain mom and dad.

I still plan on traveling in my 60s (health willing). My ILs and parents traveled till they were in their late 70s. That's when I plan on slowing down.

You need to be healthy to travel and do active things; I don't want to wait till I'm 67 to do so.

My kids are late teens, so by the time I'm 70, they may have children, at which point, I will have grandkids to dote on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering if a new forum can be set up for the retirement. Retirement related subjects, or preparing for retirement but not what to invest in but more about what do generally about things related to retirement.

+1

Lots of these topics are routinely covered in the midline concerns and eldercare subthread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 57, will retire next year, and worried.
I’ve always been very busy. I’d like to take more time to cook healthy meals with my daytime hours.
I currently already teach a fitness class and travel a lot. We already have a condo in Florida in a 55 older community.
I am a teacher so I know I will miss children and precious co-workers.
DH and I have always been very young acting for our age and don’t fit in with many our age. That doesn’t mean we should keep working though. I don’t know what it means.
Accepting advice.

Why on earth did you buy a condo in a retirement community? Makes no sense at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 57, will retire next year, and worried.
I’ve always been very busy. I’d like to take more time to cook healthy meals with my daytime hours.
I currently already teach a fitness class and travel a lot. We already have a condo in Florida in a 55 older community.
I am a teacher so I know I will miss children and precious co-workers.
DH and I have always been very young acting for our age and don’t fit in with many our age. That doesn’t mean we should keep working though. I don’t know what it means.
Accepting advice.

Just curious, why are you retiring? I know teaching can be a tiring job, at a young 57, it just seems quite young to retire when you don't feel ready to. I am 56 and not even close. We technically could retire, but I feel like I want to hang to healthcare and income as long as I can. My sister does nothing but pickle ball, pilates, and watch TV and I feel like she's just a waste of resources, honestly. Sorry to judge, but it seems unfulfilling in your 60s to be doing basically nothing. By the way, this is two different things I am commenting on, nost suggesting you said you'd do nothing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s interesting that there are so many early and mid-50s retirees. I’m 52 and DH 54 and we don’t know anyone even talking about retirement yet. Everyone still has kids at home and then will be paying for college. I’m trying to convince DH to start thinking about retiring in about 5 years for both of us but we have to assess the finances and mentioning to friends they all think that seems early.

I’m wary about health issues and want to enjoy retirement while we are able.

My same reaction re: 50s being early. Some folks must have pensions. Or maybe family assets?

We are 52 and 55, with a 10th grader. Generally speaking, we are targeting retirement when the kid graduates from college, so 59 and 62 or thereabouts. Could be a little sooner, could be a little later, depending on finances, health and a host of other things. I'd love it to be sooner - the biggest impediment, as it is for many people, is health insurance.

[Anonymous]

I have zero problem imaging filling my days after retirement but I do see how sustaining that over years might not play out as I imagine it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did you do for health insurance, OP? Was that part of your package?

Right now we are on cobra (nearing the end of 36 months) but after that will have to shop on the open market. We are both also dual citizens through ancestry, so we would like to buy a small apt somewhere in Europe and have better access to healthcare. Researching that now.