Retired? Expectations vs Reality

[Anonymous]

This is OP, thanks for the responses. So happy to find my tribe! And YES to the decluttering and home organization, who knew ot would be so fulfilling?!

[Anonymous]

Right now you’re fine bc you are busy and it’ll stay that way for years. You have kids to raise and elderly parents to watch over. Then you’ll have kids in college and you’ll hover over them - even if you don’t hover, you’ll be doing move ins, move outs, parents weekends etc so you’ll have stuff going on, great.

I do caution you about getting to a phase in life where you have nothing going on and you appear to have set up a life of cooking and cleaning. It will get old. Your kids will launch and be in a time of life where they are too busy to entertain you bc they are launching their careers or off in medical residency, not needing mom and dad moving them into their apartments. It’s easy to say oh we’ll travel then but you seem to suggest you’re not even interested in fitness. So cue maybe a trip or so every year + a whole lot of cooking and cleaning day to day. And given that you’re sooo done with corporate life now that you already aren’t in touch with it, it’s not like you can just jump back into consulting projects some 15 yrs from now. What looks sooo great now sounds like a recipe for miserable a decade or two from now. I’ve seen this movie play out over and over again. Like it or not, humans do better over time if they remain mentally engaged in something other than care taking and running the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right now you’re fine bc you are busy and it’ll stay that way for years. You have kids to raise and elderly parents to watch over. Then you’ll have kids in college and you’ll hover over them - even if you don’t hover, you’ll be doing move ins, move outs, parents weekends etc so you’ll have stuff going on, great.

I do caution you about getting to a phase in life where you have nothing going on and you appear to have set up a life of cooking and cleaning. It will get old. Your kids will launch and be in a time of life where they are too busy to entertain you bc they are launching their careers or off in medical residency, not needing mom and dad moving them into their apartments. It’s easy to say oh we’ll travel then but you seem to suggest you’re not even interested in fitness. So cue maybe a trip or so every year + a whole lot of cooking and cleaning day to day. And given that you’re sooo done with corporate life now that you already aren’t in touch with it, it’s not like you can just jump back into consulting projects some 15 yrs from now. What looks sooo great now sounds like a recipe for miserable a decade or two from now. I’ve seen this movie play out over and over again. Like it or not, humans do better over time if they remain mentally engaged in something other than care taking and running the home.

Good point and thanks for. the feedback. You're right that the door is closing on corp work/consulting. I think we're ok with that. DH and I have renovated /flipped several houses, have managed our own Airbnbs, and have an appetite for a small business so we are considering those ideas down the road.

And we do travel. It's just that we're doing more separate trips right now because of family obligations. And I do work out every day, I'm just not interested in "training" for an event (marathon, etc) as I had previously thought.

What does your retired life look like and are you happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right now you’re fine bc you are busy and it’ll stay that way for years. You have kids to raise and elderly parents to watch over. Then you’ll have kids in college and you’ll hover over them - even if you don’t hover, you’ll be doing move ins, move outs, parents weekends etc so you’ll have stuff going on, great.

I do caution you about getting to a phase in life where you have nothing going on and you appear to have set up a life of cooking and cleaning. It will get old. Your kids will launch and be in a time of life where they are too busy to entertain you bc they are launching their careers or off in medical residency, not needing mom and dad moving them into their apartments. It’s easy to say oh we’ll travel then but you seem to suggest you’re not even interested in fitness. So cue maybe a trip or so every year + a whole lot of cooking and cleaning day to day. And given that you’re sooo done with corporate life now that you already aren’t in touch with it, it’s not like you can just jump back into consulting projects some 15 yrs from now. What looks sooo great now sounds like a recipe for miserable a decade or two from now. I’ve seen this movie play out over and over again. Like it or not, humans do better over time if they remain mentally engaged in something other than care taking and running the home.

I have friends/family members who are now retired, in their 50s, and they seem to be having a great time. I can't wait to retire at 56.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 57, will retire next year, and worried.
I’ve always been very busy. I’d like to take more time to cook healthy meals with my daytime hours.
I currently already teach a fitness class and travel a lot. We already have a condo in Florida in a 55 older community.
I am a teacher so I know I will miss children and precious co-workers.
DH and I have always been very young acting for our age and don’t fit in with many our age. That doesn’t mean we should keep working though. I don’t know what it means.
Accepting advice.

It sounds like maybe you aren’t ready to retire yet if you enjoy your work I, on the other hand, am so tired of work, but can’t afford to retire yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now you’re fine bc you are busy and it’ll stay that way for years. You have kids to raise and elderly parents to watch over. Then you’ll have kids in college and you’ll hover over them - even if you don’t hover, you’ll be doing move ins, move outs, parents weekends etc so you’ll have stuff going on, great.

I do caution you about getting to a phase in life where you have nothing going on and you appear to have set up a life of cooking and cleaning. It will get old. Your kids will launch and be in a time of life where they are too busy to entertain you bc they are launching their careers or off in medical residency, not needing mom and dad moving them into their apartments. It’s easy to say oh we’ll travel then but you seem to suggest you’re not even interested in fitness. So cue maybe a trip or so every year + a whole lot of cooking and cleaning day to day. And given that you’re sooo done with corporate life now that you already aren’t in touch with it, it’s not like you can just jump back into consulting projects some 15 yrs from now. What looks sooo great now sounds like a recipe for miserable a decade or two from now. I’ve seen this movie play out over and over again. Like it or not, humans do better over time if they remain mentally engaged in something other than care taking and running the home.

I have friends/family members who are now retired, in their 50s, and they seem to be having a great time. I can't wait to retire at 56.

It’s not a problem at 50 or 56. It’s super freeing at those ages to not work. It becomes a problem in the late 60s/early 70s when the cumulative effect of doing nothing for a decade+ hits and your kids are off living their own lives, not sticking around to entertain mom and dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now you’re fine bc you are busy and it’ll stay that way for years. You have kids to raise and elderly parents to watch over. Then you’ll have kids in college and you’ll hover over them - even if you don’t hover, you’ll be doing move ins, move outs, parents weekends etc so you’ll have stuff going on, great.

I do caution you about getting to a phase in life where you have nothing going on and you appear to have set up a life of cooking and cleaning. It will get old. Your kids will launch and be in a time of life where they are too busy to entertain you bc they are launching their careers or off in medical residency, not needing mom and dad moving them into their apartments. It’s easy to say oh we’ll travel then but you seem to suggest you’re not even interested in fitness. So cue maybe a trip or so every year + a whole lot of cooking and cleaning day to day. And given that you’re sooo done with corporate life now that you already aren’t in touch with it, it’s not like you can just jump back into consulting projects some 15 yrs from now. What looks sooo great now sounds like a recipe for miserable a decade or two from now. I’ve seen this movie play out over and over again. Like it or not, humans do better over time if they remain mentally engaged in something other than care taking and running the home.

I have friends/family members who are now retired, in their 50s, and they seem to be having a great time. I can't wait to retire at 56.

It’s not a problem at 50 or 56. It’s super freeing at those ages to not work. It becomes a problem in the late 60s/early 70s when the cumulative effect of doing nothing for a decade+ hits and your kids are off living their own lives, not sticking around to entertain mom and dad.

Your kids are still around at 56?

[Anonymous]

Do people really not see their kids, or are involved in their kids'/grandkids' lives, in retirement? That makes me so so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people really not see their kids, or are involved in their kids'/grandkids' lives, in retirement? That makes me so so sad.

If they don’t live close by, it’s harder. Those kids are busy working and raising families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now you’re fine bc you are busy and it’ll stay that way for years. You have kids to raise and elderly parents to watch over. Then you’ll have kids in college and you’ll hover over them - even if you don’t hover, you’ll be doing move ins, move outs, parents weekends etc so you’ll have stuff going on, great.

I do caution you about getting to a phase in life where you have nothing going on and you appear to have set up a life of cooking and cleaning. It will get old. Your kids will launch and be in a time of life where they are too busy to entertain you bc they are launching their careers or off in medical residency, not needing mom and dad moving them into their apartments. It’s easy to say oh we’ll travel then but you seem to suggest you’re not even interested in fitness. So cue maybe a trip or so every year + a whole lot of cooking and cleaning day to day. And given that you’re sooo done with corporate life now that you already aren’t in touch with it, it’s not like you can just jump back into consulting projects some 15 yrs from now. What looks sooo great now sounds like a recipe for miserable a decade or two from now. I’ve seen this movie play out over and over again. Like it or not, humans do better over time if they remain mentally engaged in something other than care taking and running the home.

I have friends/family members who are now retired, in their 50s, and they seem to be having a great time. I can't wait to retire at 56.

It’s not a problem at 50 or 56. It’s super freeing at those ages to not work. It becomes a problem in the late 60s/early 70s when the cumulative effect of doing nothing for a decade+ hits and your kids are off living their own lives, not sticking around to entertain mom and dad.

Your kids are still around at 56?

My youngest will be 13.... Yay to late parenting

That project also moved my retirement date from 50 to 55.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do people really not see their kids, or are involved in their kids'/grandkids' lives, in retirement? That makes me so so sad.

If they don’t live close by, it’s harder. Those kids are busy working and raising families.

I get that if they don't live close. But, growing up we always had sunday dinners with grandparents/aunts and uncles. Do people still not do that? Never?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now you’re fine bc you are busy and it’ll stay that way for years. You have kids to raise and elderly parents to watch over. Then you’ll have kids in college and you’ll hover over them - even if you don’t hover, you’ll be doing move ins, move outs, parents weekends etc so you’ll have stuff going on, great.

I do caution you about getting to a phase in life where you have nothing going on and you appear to have set up a life of cooking and cleaning. It will get old. Your kids will launch and be in a time of life where they are too busy to entertain you bc they are launching their careers or off in medical residency, not needing mom and dad moving them into their apartments. It’s easy to say oh we’ll travel then but you seem to suggest you’re not even interested in fitness. So cue maybe a trip or so every year + a whole lot of cooking and cleaning day to day. And given that you’re sooo done with corporate life now that you already aren’t in touch with it, it’s not like you can just jump back into consulting projects some 15 yrs from now. What looks sooo great now sounds like a recipe for miserable a decade or two from now. I’ve seen this movie play out over and over again. Like it or not, humans do better over time if they remain mentally engaged in something other than care taking and running the home.

I have friends/family members who are now retired, in their 50s, and they seem to be having a great time. I can't wait to retire at 56.

It’s not a problem at 50 or 56. It’s super freeing at those ages to not work. It becomes a problem in the late 60s/early 70s when the cumulative effect of doing nothing for a decade+ hits and your kids are off living their own lives, not sticking around to entertain mom and dad.

Your kids are still around at 56?

NP. Weird question. You don’t know anyone who had a kid at 38 or older? Seems hard to believe.

This is a really interesting thread, OP. Thanks for starting it. I expect to be living the life you’re leading when I retire in a few years. In terms of keeping busy, I take PP’s point that it’s important to feel engaged, but it seems to me that helping with the grandkids I hope to have would fulfill that role some. The most I plan to do beyond that is spend more time with friends, join a gardening club, and help with nature cleanups. I can’t imagine finding that I’ll need more, in part because I’m a reader and that will always fill my life with joy.

[Anonymous]

We must do all the mental and physical exercise everyday to stay fit. Otherwise, by the time you want to retire, you are so not fit to even do the mundane cleaning of the house, or go on your trips you always wanted to.

I also think everybody who are 10 years from the time they want to retire, they should start doing something else they really want to do, whatever it is, whether you feel like teaching an exercise class or running a garden club.

And if you have so much money, you don't need to worry about taking luxury travel and sleeping on nice mattress on your aching back, good for you-well planned.

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if a new forum can be set up for the retirement. Retirement related subjects, or preparing for retirement but not what to invest in but more about what do generally about things related to retirement.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s interesting that there are so many early and mid-50s retirees. I’m 52 and DH 54 and we don’t know anyone even talking about retirement yet. Everyone still has kids at home and then will be paying for college. I’m trying to convince DH to start thinking about retiring in about 5 years for both of us but we have to assess the finances and mentioning to friends they all think that seems early.

I’m wary about health issues and want to enjoy retirement while we are able.