Retired? Expectations vs Reality

[Anonymous]

I see posters who say they are going to work until they die, or retire and work PT retail or consulting, travel more, or volunteer more.
If you are retired, what expectations did you have ahead of retirement and what is your life actually like today?

DH and I retired early in our 50s after some health scares, as well as seeing friends die from heart attacks, cancer, etc. We both took packages and we sold our vacation home to pay off our primary mortgage.

My expectation: We would continue to work in some capacity - consulting, sitting on boards, etc, as well as volunteer and travel. I also had ambitious fitness goals - marathons! triathlons!

Reality: I planned to take six months off to recharge. Six months turned into a year. One year turned into three. I have no interest in ever working again. DH is the same. I don't know if it is just total burnout on corporate life, but neither one of us can bear the thought of another Zoom call or calendar invite. The same feeling applies to volunteering and fitness - I don't want to HAVE to do anything, including a volunteer shift at the museum. I exercise daily for the enjoyment of it, not to reach some goal. Basically, the whole "busyness" and goal-oriented portion of my identity is GONE, which is rather shocking to me. My 30 or 40-year-old self would be horrified by this person, and I assumed I'd die of boredom. But I'm pretty content.

What do we do? Right now we're in sandwich generation mode, with 1 elderly parent needing support, 1 kid still at home, and some extended family needing help (job search, addiction recovery). I feel grateful to have the bandwidth to help with that without also juggling a job. I consider that my volunteer time. I'm enjoying the monotony of everyday things, like cooking or walking the dog or grocery shopping, without being in a rush. We've cut back on housecleaners and gardeners and handymen so we are doing all that ourselves.

I think/hope we'll enter "phase 2" of retirement in a few years after the last child is flown, the parent and dog pass away and we can travel more. But if we don't get beyond phase 1, that's okay too.

For those who have BTDT, what does your retirement look like? Is it what you expected?

[Anonymous]

If you are retired, what expectations did you have ahead of retirement and what is your life actually like today?

It hadn't occurred to me how much I'd miss the structure of my career day to day and my coworkers-turned-friends. I am on a couple of boards, I volunteer at two organizations, we travel quite a bit and for longer chunks of time than pre-retirement, I do a bit of consulting, and we host nieces and nephews more often than we did previously.

[Anonymous]

I find that any day of retirement that includes an early morning 90+ minute outdoors exercise session is guaranteed to be a good day. Everything just flows beautifully from a good start.

[Anonymous]

As one who is about to retire I am very interested to hear tips from others who have retired.

[Anonymous]

Career = life.

What is wrong with you OP?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Career = life.

What is wrong with you OP?!?

SMH. You will learn the hard way PP.

[Anonymous]

I am about to retire, and don’t think the routine you have fallen into needs fixing.

In my mind, retirement represents freedom. There is no wrong way to exercise that freedom.

You are taking care of family (a healthy priority), and taking care of yourself (by exercising daily).

If, as you mentioned, you need more in a few years, it sounds like you have the funds to make that happen . You are sitting pretty.

One thing I hope to increase when I retire is keeping in touch with old friends. Also, my home needs a ton of organization and upkeep.

That may sound boring , but I look forward to living with less clutter. That will encourage me to have people over (which hasn’t been “a thing” for years).

Yes, I envision more travel and volunteer work (I really miss time with little kids, since my own has left the nest). But we shall see how things unfold.

Good luck to us all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If you are retired, what expectations did you have ahead of retirement and what is your life actually like today?

It hadn't occurred to me how much I'd miss the structure of my career day to day and my coworkers-turned-friends. I am on a couple of boards, I volunteer at two organizations, we travel quite a bit and for longer chunks of time than pre-retirement, I do a bit of consulting, and we host nieces and nephews more often than we did previously.

DH misses the structure more than I do. I retired a year before him and had my new routine down. Then, when he retired, he needed a lot of interaction. He would camp out at the kitchen counter all day with his laptop (despite having an office and other areas in the house to work), so he could have his "watercooler chat" with whomever walked by about whatever he was doing/reading online. It was driving us all nuts. My kids just wanted to get a glass of water or a snack without being accosted. It took about 8 months of me "scheduling" time to chat with him and then he just finally mellowed out and transitioned to a new normal. Now it's all good. Be patient with your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Interesting post. I’m enjoying reading the responses. I’m not retired yet (52 yr old empty nester) but I’ve been experimenting with working less, and on less stressful projects. I love it. My job has always been flexible but working less and being less stressed and is a huge relief. I do everything more slowly and mindfully now and enjoy every minute versus worrying about getting everything done so I have time to decompress. No idea when I’ll retire or what that will be like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Career = life.

What is wrong with you OP?!?

SMH. You will learn the hard way PP.

Im pretty sure that that was supposed to be funny/sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see posters who say they are going to work until they die, or retire and work PT retail or consulting, travel more, or volunteer more.
If you are retired, what expectations did you have ahead of retirement and what is your life actually like today?

DH and I retired early in our 50s after some health scares, as well as seeing friends die from heart attacks, cancer, etc. We both took packages and we sold our vacation home to pay off our primary mortgage.

My expectation: We would continue to work in some capacity - consulting, sitting on boards, etc, as well as volunteer and travel. I also had ambitious fitness goals - marathons! triathlons!

Reality: I planned to take six months off to recharge. Six months turned into a year. One year turned into three. I have no interest in ever working again. DH is the same. I don't know if it is just total burnout on corporate life, but neither one of us can bear the thought of another Zoom call or calendar invite. The same feeling applies to volunteering and fitness - I don't want to HAVE to do anything, including a volunteer shift at the museum. I exercise daily for the enjoyment of it, not to reach some goal. Basically, the whole "busyness" and goal-oriented portion of my identity is GONE, which is rather shocking to me. My 30 or 40-year-old self would be horrified by this person, and I assumed I'd die of boredom. But I'm pretty content.

What do we do? Right now we're in sandwich generation mode, with 1 elderly parent needing support, 1 kid still at home, and some extended family needing help (job search, addiction recovery). I feel grateful to have the bandwidth to help with that without also juggling a job. I consider that my volunteer time. I'm enjoying the monotony of everyday things, like cooking or walking the dog or grocery shopping, without being in a rush. We've cut back on housecleaners and gardeners and handymen so we are doing all that ourselves.

I think/hope we'll enter "phase 2" of retirement in a few years after the last child is flown, the parent and dog pass away and we can travel more. But if we don't get beyond phase 1, that's okay too.

For those who have BTDT, what does your retirement look like? Is it what you expected?

After one year, I'm still in phase 1, like you. I don't think I will ever move on. It's amazing to not have to work. I'm perfectly content. I didn't expect to be so happy about it and expected that I'd want to do more, but I don't. Have helped my kids with some things and I cook and manage my house, but that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see posters who say they are going to work until they die, or retire and work PT retail or consulting, travel more, or volunteer more.
If you are retired, what expectations did you have ahead of retirement and what is your life actually like today?

DH and I retired early in our 50s after some health scares, as well as seeing friends die from heart attacks, cancer, etc. We both took packages and we sold our vacation home to pay off our primary mortgage.

My expectation: We would continue to work in some capacity - consulting, sitting on boards, etc, as well as volunteer and travel. I also had ambitious fitness goals - marathons! triathlons!

Reality: I planned to take six months off to recharge. Six months turned into a year. One year turned into three. I have no interest in ever working again. DH is the same. I don't know if it is just total burnout on corporate life, but neither one of us can bear the thought of another Zoom call or calendar invite. The same feeling applies to volunteering and fitness - I don't want to HAVE to do anything, including a volunteer shift at the museum. I exercise daily for the enjoyment of it, not to reach some goal. Basically, the whole "busyness" and goal-oriented portion of my identity is GONE, which is rather shocking to me. My 30 or 40-year-old self would be horrified by this person, and I assumed I'd die of boredom. But I'm pretty content.

What do we do? Right now we're in sandwich generation mode, with 1 elderly parent needing support, 1 kid still at home, and some extended family needing help (job search, addiction recovery). I feel grateful to have the bandwidth to help with that without also juggling a job. I consider that my volunteer time. I'm enjoying the monotony of everyday things, like cooking or walking the dog or grocery shopping, without being in a rush. We've cut back on housecleaners and gardeners and handymen so we are doing all that ourselves.

I think/hope we'll enter "phase 2" of retirement in a few years after the last child is flown, the parent and dog pass away and we can travel more. But if we don't get beyond phase 1, that's okay too.

For those who have BTDT, what does your retirement look like? Is it what you expected?

After one year, I'm still in phase 1, like you. I don't think I will ever move on. It's amazing to not have to work. I'm perfectly content. I didn't expect to be so happy about it and expected that I'd want to do more, but I don't. Have helped my kids with some things and I cook and manage my house, but that's it.

Same. I had some family business that took some time in the first couple of years of retirement, and a bit of consulting early on, but after that was done, I transitioned happily to “phase I” like OP. I have plenty to do and am never bored. We do some traveling, and plan to start spending some more time away from our “home base,” now our youngest is settled in college. People who knew me during my career can’t believe it I don’t miss it at all. I always reply that I miss the people, but I don’t miss the work, which is the truth.

[Anonymous]

I’m 57, will retire next year, and worried.
I’ve always been very busy. I’d like to take more time to cook healthy meals with my daytime hours.
I currently already teach a fitness class and travel a lot. We already have a condo in Florida in a 55 older community.
I am a teacher so I know I will miss children and precious co-workers.
DH and I have always been very young acting for our age and don’t fit in with many our age. That doesn’t mean we should keep working though. I don’t know what it means.
Accepting advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am about to retire, and don’t think the routine you have fallen into needs fixing.

In my mind, retirement represents freedom. There is no wrong way to exercise that freedom.

You are taking care of family (a healthy priority), and taking care of yourself (by exercising daily).

If, as you mentioned, you need more in a few years, it sounds like you have the funds to make that happen . You are sitting pretty.

One thing I hope to increase when I retire is keeping in touch with old friends. Also, my home needs a ton of organization and upkeep.

That may sound boring , but I look forward to living with less clutter. That will encourage me to have people over (which hasn’t been “a thing” for years).

Yes, I envision more travel and volunteer work (I really miss time with little kids, since my own has left the nest). But we shall see how things unfold.

Good luck to us all!

Mostly this, and to OP's post " I'm enjoying the monotony of everyday things, like cooking or walking the dog or grocery shopping, without being in a rush. We've cut back on housecleaners and gardeners and handymen so we are doing all that ourselves. " - this will be us.

We don't have a pet, but I had two growing up (a dog at different times). My kids have always wanted a pet, but I just didn't have the bandwidth to take care of another being. I will get a pet when I'm like 70 and don't travel as much.

But, I'll only be in my mid 50s when I retire, so we are planning to travel a lot, and I don't want to have to deal with a pet.

I'm looking forward to the monotony of daily life of:

-decluttering
-organizing
-do our own gardening (I see this as my exercise time, too)
-cleaning the house (I see this as my exercise time, too)
-addressing some house issues
-taking better care of my health

When I quit working for about 18months when the kids were younger, I was in the best shape after the kids were born. I find working takes a toll on my health.

And also:
-chatting with friends more often
-travel, travel, travel, in part, meeting up with my friends -- I'm not originally from here, and all my old friends are mostly out west where I'm from.

I look forward to early retirement. God willing, two and half more years.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP. There is a reason I stumbled on this thread. I just retired after a long legal career. I am scared. But this really helped. I have nothing lined up although I keep saying I need to do some work. I will just chill. At least to awhile. Thank you!