Vent: Well-adjusted socially does not equal "villain"

[Anonymous]

All I read was your kid is mean. Yes you do something about it or is she just like you?

[Anonymous]

Hmmm…..so I skimmed and got enough of a general view to say you need to accept that others, like the teacher, may see your “popular” daughter as unkind in her treatment of people. It is up to you to help her sort when she is actually being unkind versus when she is setting solid boundaries and being healthy in her interactions.

It is not her job to keep toxic friends. But, her choice to drop friends who are socially struggling will impact how people see her. This does not mean she should keep these friends but rather she needs to learn to care less how the world perceives her.

My guess from the number of times you say your child is popular is that it is important to you —and maybe her- that she be popular. It would serve you both well to examine how the need to be popular could negatively impact her moral choices and her mental health. Kids who identity as popular can be stressed and feel pigeon holed and also can behave badly to keep the popularity.

Finally, you need to accept the possibility that she is a ‘mean’ girl or that does mean things. I am not saying she is one, but to parent her well you need to be open to the possibility rather than being defensive. I always try and remember that ‘yes my child might’ do the stupid, mean, shortsited….etc action someone accuses her of so that I can really get to the meat of what happened just in case the accusation had some merit. If you just defend you kid and assume your child is perfect, you miss the chance to address and fix bad behaviors when the occur, and they will occur, since no kids are perfect.

[Anonymous]

You lost me at pick me, too.

[Anonymous]

Larla is the “pick me”? Lol, I’m pretty sure that is you, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP "popular"

Grow up.
As for the "pick me" ugh no no no.

Your kid has this problem because of you stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked ChatGPT to answer your queries so i didn't have to read it:

Advice for DD:

Set Boundaries:
DD should have an open conversation with Larla about how her actions make her feel.
Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining a healthy friendship.
Choose Friends Wisely:
DD can evaluate whether Larla’s behavior aligns with the kind of friend she wants.
True friends respect each other’s feelings and don’t spread rumors.
Empathy and Kindness:
Encourage DD to be empathetic but assertive.
She can acknowledge Larla’s feelings without compromising her own well-being.
Avoid Contributing to Gossip:
DD should refrain from participating in negative discussions about Larla.
Instead, she can focus on building positive connections with other friends.

Remember that friendships evolve, and it’s essential for DD to prioritize her emotional well-being. As a parent, continue supporting her and guiding her through these social dynamics.

This is amazing

[Anonymous]

I stopped reading and what I read I have no idea what I read. Makes me think OP is her DD!
Complete utter senseless rubbish.

[Anonymous]

This is a bizarre level of engagement in the minute details of kids’ social politics. It’s really unhealthy for both of you. Google “family enmeshment” and maybe talk to someone.

[Anonymous]

Larla sounds special needs, maybe DD could talk to the guidance counselor about specific concerns and volunteer to be part of a social skills group to help Larla develop better friendships.

[Anonymous]

The key here is that you are friends with the girls mom and you are realizing that you aren’t going to be friends with her anymore bc your kids are growing apart.
It happens. Don’t try and make them be friends it will just continue to bring out the worst in both of them.

[Anonymous]

Girl, you are too involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
DISENGAGE.

The friend is toxic, DD has to distance herself, and yes, middle school is full of drama. My 13 year old sticks with like-minded friends and observes the field like a biologist working on a documentary: "Now here we see, in its natural habitat, this Pick Me example of the species, engaging in its typical behavior of..."

+1 and PP's child has a good sense of humor

[Anonymous]

I know it can be a bit stressful to hear about these things and it is good that your DD is comfortable sharing with you. However- you need to let DD figure this out. Hard to say, based on the post, what is happening. This age tends to be full of social drama for girls in general- all you can really do is listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not reading all that but you clearly need to take several steps back and stop being so involved and hovering.

Same. Too long, not reading.
Larla and OP sound like trolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked ChatGPT to answer your queries so i didn't have to read it:

Advice for DD:

Set Boundaries:
DD should have an open conversation with Larla about how her actions make her feel.
Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining a healthy friendship.

Choose Friends Wisely:
DD can evaluate whether Larla’s behavior aligns with the kind of friend she wants.
True friends respect each other’s feelings and don’t spread rumors.

Empathy and Kindness:
Encourage DD to be empathetic but assertive.
She can acknowledge Larla’s feelings without compromising her own well-being.

Avoid Contributing to Gossip:
DD should refrain from participating in negative discussions about Larla.
Instead, she can focus on building positive connections with other friends.

Remember that friendships evolve, and it’s essential for DD to prioritize her emotional well-being. As a parent, continue supporting her and guiding her through these social dynamics.

Excellent. I’d skip the tell psycho Larla how I feel part tho.