Reply to Vent: Well-adjusted socially does not equal "villain"

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Reply to "Vent: Well-adjusted socially does not equal "villain""

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[quote=Anonymous]Hmmm…..so I skimmed and got enough of a general view to say you need to accept that others, like the teacher,  may see your “popular” daughter as unkind in her treatment of people. It is up to you to help her sort when she is actually being unkind versus when she is setting solid boundaries and being healthy in her interactions.

It is not her job to keep toxic friends.   But, her choice to drop friends who are socially struggling will impact how people see her.  This does not mean she should keep these friends but rather she needs to learn to care less how the world perceives her.

My guess from the number of times you say your child is popular is that it is important to you —and maybe her- that she be popular.  It would serve you both well to examine how the need to be popular could negatively impact her moral choices and her mental health.   Kids who identity as popular can be stressed and feel pigeon holed and also can behave badly to keep the popularity.

Finally, you need to accept the possibility that she is a ‘mean’ girl or that does mean things.  I am not saying she is one, but  to parent her well you need to be open to  the possibility rather than being defensive.  I always try and remember that ‘yes my child might’ do the stupid, mean, shortsited….etc action someone accuses her of so that I can really get to the meat of what happened just in case the accusation had some merit.  If you just defend you kid and assume your child is perfect, you miss the chance to address and fix bad behaviors when the occur, and they will occur, since no kids are perfect. [/quote]

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