Friend stopped responding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP‘s friend is jealous for the new opportunity (I can’t tell, only OP would know if she’s the type), then this isn’t a friend worth having. It would be so immature and petty to begrudge OP her new job, and I wouldn't trust a friend like that. Maybe see if she responds (she could have been legitimately busy), and if OP gets a bad vibe from her, I would downgrade her to acquaintance status and not tell her personal stuff anymore. Sad that grown women act like this. OP - I hope that’s not the case, but if it is, you now know her true colors.

This relationship is one mis-timed text away from ending. The fragility of it does not seem like a good friendship. OP, what do you get out of this level of interaction and suspicion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I know she read the messages because we use a service that has read receipts, which we both enable.

I know this might sound immature but we are actually in our thirties and, yes, genuinely busy, but this pattern of not responding is not the norm for either of us.

She and her family have been having a tough time due to location (she is a trailing spouse) and she’s currently in school to try to find more opportunities. So jealousy is possible but it wasn’t something I expected. I think she might have been put off by how quickly I jumped off (but I really did have to go).

This kind of codependent/passive aggressive dynamic is also not normal for our friendship! (I’m referring to us both.)

I’ll try not to worry about it, but it’s a little disappointing. Thanks for the perspectives.

It's not like you stopped replying though.
She sounds a bit needy or jealous. I get her tough time - as I have done the same exact trailing spouse thing and it sucked - but she needs to be a bit more mature.
I would just let her be personally. I don't chase people who aren't interested in talking.

[Anonymous]

OP, what would you want your friend to think about you if you didn't respond with the immediacy expected?

It's kind of terrible that the first thing you and others here jump to is that this friend (who seems like a big part of your life) is jealous and pouting. I wouldn't want this kind of friendship (but not because of the intense level of exchange).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your friendship can't weather one of you needing to say "can't chat now. Going into. Meeting" without the other getting pissy and passive aggressive, it's not a healthy friendship. Hope you're overthinking it.

Seriously. I had to abruptly end a call with my best friend last night and she isn't the least bit upset about it. Nor am I when she does the same. We make time for each other as much as we can, but also, life happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your friendship can't weather one of you needing to say "can't chat now. Going into. Meeting" without the other getting pissy and passive aggressive, it's not a healthy friendship. Hope you're overthinking it.

Seriously. I had to abruptly end a call with my best friend last night and she isn't the least bit upset about it. Nor am I when she does the same. We make time for each other as much as we can, but also, life happens.

But assuming that the friend is being pissy and passive aggressive also does not speak well for OP.

You guys hate each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently started my dream job, which is 100% in person and pretty intense. Yesterday my good friend texted me asking how it was going; we bantered back and forth. Then she told me about a great new opportunity that just came up for her, and I texted back how exciting it was, asking for more details…and then noticed I had to attend a meeting and told her so, but that I wanted to hear all about it!

She said “you have more important things to attend to! Go to your meeting!” After my meeting - two hours later - I texted back following up with questions about her opportunity. She read these, but did not respond. Around lunchtime today I texted a cutesy “hello” gif, which she read but did not respond to. Finally, when I got home today, I sent a message saying “hey I know you’re busy, but I want you to know how excited I am for you! What a great opportunity!” (She read this and has not responded.)

Why did she stop responding? Obviously I won’t reach out again but ouch.

I'm curious as to the vibe of your texts prior to this. It sounds like she's possibly a bit annoyed that maybe she made all the room for you to tell her about your new job and she feels like you aren't reciprocating with hers. I'm not saying that's what you've done, just that that's how she feels.

I'd give her some time and then make a concerted effort to have a discussion about her job and not to interrupt with any of your own stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How do you know she read your texts?

DP. Some people leave notifications on. So when they read a text it shows that they did and when. I always turn it off.

This isn't a certainty. If the app is still open, it may mark as read without the message actually being read.

Not that anyone owes you a same-day response, however typical that may be for you.

Or if she has an Apple watch you can very easily accidentally read things.

[Anonymous]

OP, did she finally respond?

[Anonymous]

OP, you should write a FB post where you say "it's such a shame when 'friends' are jealous that you've got a great new job."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your friendship can't weather one of you needing to say "can't chat now. Going into. Meeting" without the other getting pissy and passive aggressive, it's not a healthy friendship. Hope you're overthinking it.

Seriously. I had to abruptly end a call with my best friend last night and she isn't the least bit upset about it. Nor am I when she does the same. We make time for each other as much as we can, but also, life happens.

But assuming that the friend is being pissy and passive aggressive also does not speak well for OP.

You guys hate each other.

Agree. I think OP should take a step back and think about how she has been handling things with the friend lately. She says the friend is having a hard time right now but OP is so busy with her dream job (congrats, OP, that is awesome, seriously) that she may be feeling overall sad. That causes people to react/lash out at people near them. Good friends understand and will let that kind of thing go. OP doesn't sound like she's looking for an apology, which is good. I would try to make some time for your friend or do something nice (sounds like she doesn't live near you so perhaps a written note or a small gift?). If the friend is having a hard time I would think of doing this regardless of what is going on in the texting situation.

[Anonymous]

The OP is super self-centered. OP, you've said the friend is having a rough time, but you demand that the friend be responsive to YOU, otherwise the assumption is that the friend feels negatively about YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did she finally respond?

This is OP. She has not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP is super self-centered. OP, you've said the friend is having a rough time, but you demand that the friend be responsive to YOU, otherwise the assumption is that the friend feels negatively about YOU.

This is OP. I know she’s having a rough time - last week we met for lunch and we talked about it. It just sucks to think that there’s a miscommunication that’s causing this silence. I didn’t intend to be short and I really wanted to know more about her opportunity.

I won’t chase, it just sucks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP is super self-centered. OP, you've said the friend is having a rough time, but you demand that the friend be responsive to YOU, otherwise the assumption is that the friend feels negatively about YOU.

This is OP. I know she’s having a rough time - last week we met for lunch and we talked about it. It just sucks to think that there’s a miscommunication that’s causing this silence. I didn’t intend to be short and I really wanted to know more about her opportunity.

I won’t chase, it just sucks!

Why did you crowdsource an answer to the question of why your friend is not responding? There could be a million reasons, none of which to do with you. But you posting here suggests you want:
1) to have people here tell you how you are great and she is bad (and petty, and jealous, etc.)
2) to vent about feeling hurt because this person doesn't respond to you in the way you want