When performance review suggested more gravitas..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Become tall and male.

Nope. I’m a petite woman and have been told I have presence and command.

[Anonymous]

look up "executive presence" videos or podcasts. Maybe you can learn something there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it means be more male.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Katie Couric didn’t succeed as the anchor person for the evening news because she didn’t have gravitas. She was perfect for the Today Show because she could make people feel good in the morning. But she wasn’t taken seriously during the evening news. Since you work from home think about everything they see and hear. What’s in your background shot, what are you wearing, at the beginning of the meeting are you talking about personal stuff like kids, do your comments get quickly to the point or run on, are you a very young looking 30 and everyone else is older. Like others said, ask the person to define gravitas and give examples so you have something tangible to work on in response.

Katie Couric was awful at the evening slot precisely because she lacked gravitas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]How does one display more gravitas? What is gravitas?

I am a young 30’s female WFH and well-regarded. It was the only weakness cited on my recent review.

I do not giggle or upspeak. I don’t flip my hair.

Thank you for your suggestions. What worked for you?

[/b]


Dear OP - I've given reviews like this to younger women but generally give examples. How is your language? do you speak tentatively or with authority? Do you use "um" or "you know". Are you professional in emails. Do you use exclamation points too often. Are you assertive about your ideas when appropriate? Do you dress professionally all the time. Do you act in any way like a bimbo? etc.

For the love, please stop giving this feedback to younger women! Can you not see how problematic it is??!!

No, it’s spot on.

[Anonymous]

This is a peak boomer feedback, God they are terrible

[Anonymous]

A woman wrote a whole book about this titled Gravitas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Become tall and male.

Nope. I’m a petite woman and have been told I have presence and command.

Translation: People think you are too aggressive and emotional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does one display more gravitas? What is gravitas?

I am a young 30’s female WFH and well-regarded. It was the only weakness cited on my recent review.

I do not giggle or upspeak. I don’t flip my hair.

Thank you for your suggestions. What worked for you?

IMO, gravitas comes from 3 things:

1. Subject matter expertise. Your knowledge needs to be comprehensive and authoritative.

2. How you present that expertise (confidently, articulately, efficiently, with bonus for class/education signals).

3. Your personal presentation. Easiest to manage--the only unacceptable approach to appearance or personal presentation is frivolity or undue eagerness (trying too hard).

I once saw a female law firm partner absolutely command a room full of male partners and Fortune 50 execs, despite being by far the least "put together" in wardrobe and appearance.

She dominated them with knowledge and presentation--it was awesome.

I think #2 is a great point. I actually think getting feedback like "you sound tentative even when you are knowledgeable" or "you say um too much instead of just pausing" is useful for someone who does want to advance out of an SME role into leadership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Become tall and male.

Nope. I’m a petite woman and have been told I have presence and command.

Translation: People think you are too aggressive and emotional

This is unhelpful. It’s absolutely possible to be female and have presence and command. Sometimes, yes, you have to be willing to show you can be aggressive and authoritative when the situation calls for it, but you have to balance that out at other times with having a generally likeable personality by being easy to work with, anticipating more senior partner and client needs, caring about those more junior to you, speaking up on their behalf. It’s a tough balance but I would start with recording yourself having a conversation and seeing how you sound and how you might improve your speech/communication.

[Anonymous]

if you do use verbal pauses like um and like, just think them instead of saying them. It comes off as "considered" not slw.

but agree this is probably a man over 50 that gave you this review.

[Anonymous]

OP,
There’s no point in guessing what this means. I could be b.s. - I’ve had managers do this when they need to find a justification to give a favorite a raise or promotion, for example. Nothing to do with you. Or there could be some validity to the comment and your employer doesn’t know how to manage well. This sort of comment should come with specific examples as well as assistance to help you get to where they want you to be.

So you absolutely need to go back and ask for both specific examples of when you’ve lacked gravitas and specific suggestions as to what you can do to change. I also strongly recommend that you ask that they get you a coach. That way you’ll have a more independent third party who can evaluate your presence and let you know what you can do to elevate it.

[Anonymous]

It all started with a performance review where Lisa was told she lacked gravitas

[twitter]https://x.com/lisalsun/status/1739014879292354662?s=46&t=RFOp9btBA36axwryPaOF0Q[twitter]

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Elizabeth Holmes had gravitas. She used a fake low voice and wore black turtlenecks. She dropped the gravitas when it was time to beg to not go to jail for her crimes.

You need to play dress up to impress the incompetent clowns you work with (sadly, that's "upper management material"), or get a job that pays for talent.