When performance review suggested more gravitas..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wear fake glasses
wear make-up and do your hair in a professional way
Take a breathe before speaking
change your body language -- sometimes stand up while speaking, rest your hands in a power position, stand in a power pose, etc see what works for you

But don't worry too much, they might just be agist or racist.

Take a BREATH, not breathe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Might you work for a large law firm and the feedback came from a partner? I had this happen to me. I think it’s incredibly sexiest fwiw. But yes agree with previous posters that you should ask for more specific feedback since “gravitas” is very subjective. I would ask “can you give me some specific examples where I haven’t shown gravitas and what could I have done better?” And don’t let them wiggle out of it by being vague. Really drill them down on it. Because it will either lead to actually useful feedback for you or it will point out to the giver of the feedback just how sexist and subjective it really is.

+1 you definitely want concrete feedback

For example, is this about formal presentations or more about informal input in meetings? I have noticed I myself am inconsistent about some of this stuff - sometimes very clear and effectively managing a meeting and sometimes too deferential/ freeform in a way that isn't really guiding the group to a resolution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might you work for a large law firm and the feedback came from a partner? I had this happen to me. I think it’s incredibly sexiest fwiw. But yes agree with previous posters that you should ask for more specific feedback since “gravitas” is very subjective. I would ask “can you give me some specific examples where I haven’t shown gravitas and what could I have done better?” And don’t let them wiggle out of it by being vague. Really drill them down on it. Because it will either lead to actually useful feedback for you or it will point out to the giver of the feedback just how sexist and subjective it really is.

+1 you definitely want concrete feedback

For example, is this about formal presentations or more about informal input in meetings? I have noticed I myself am inconsistent about some of this stuff - sometimes very clear and effectively managing a meeting and sometimes too deferential/ freeform in a way that isn't really guiding the group to a resolution.

NP. I can be like this too but I chalk it up to what am I really focused on for the day or week, and how much do I really know the content in the meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]How does one display more gravitas? What is gravitas?

I am a young 30’s female WFH and well-regarded. It was the only weakness cited on my recent review.

I do not giggle or upspeak. I don’t flip my hair.

Thank you for your suggestions. What worked for you?

[/b]


Dear OP - I've given reviews like this to younger women but generally give examples. How is your language? do you speak tentatively or with authority? Do you use "um" or "you know". Are you professional in emails. Do you use exclamation points too often. Are you assertive about your ideas when appropriate? Do you dress professionally all the time. Do you act in any way like a bimbo? etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask for more specific feedback.

“Thanks for that feedback, I would like to develop in this area. Can you give me some thoughts on when and where I could show more gravitas? Who in our company dies it well that I can emulate?”

To me it’s one of those squishy, soft skills comments that is personal and subjective and probably a bit rooted in sexism. I wouldn’t overly worry about it but just realize that bias against women being their natural feminine selves in the workplace is alive and well.

+1 to all of this.

[Anonymous]

i had a review where i was told to both be more deferential AND to lead more. in the same review, from the same person.

they did not see the dissonance in their requests. i smiled, took the raise, took three weeks of my "unlimited" vacation, and gave notice when i got back for a new job with a 15% raise over my new salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]How does one display more gravitas? What is gravitas?

I am a young 30’s female WFH and well-regarded. It was the only weakness cited on my recent review.

I do not giggle or upspeak. I don’t flip my hair.

Thank you for your suggestions. What worked for you?

[/b]


Dear OP - I've given reviews like this to younger women but generally give examples. How is your language? do you speak tentatively or with authority? Do you use "um" or "you know". Are you professional in emails. Do you use exclamation points too often. Are you assertive about your ideas when appropriate? Do you dress professionally all the time. Do you act in any way like a bimbo? etc.

For the love, please stop giving this feedback to younger women! Can you not see how problematic it is??!!

[Anonymous]

I think it means be more male.

[Anonymous]

Katie Couric didn’t succeed as the anchor person for the evening news because she didn’t have gravitas. She was perfect for the Today Show because she could make people feel good in the morning. But she wasn’t taken seriously during the evening news. Since you work from home think about everything they see and hear. What’s in your background shot, what are you wearing, at the beginning of the meeting are you talking about personal stuff like kids, do your comments get quickly to the point or run on, are you a very young looking 30 and everyone else is older. Like others said, ask the person to define gravitas and give examples so you have something tangible to work on in response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does one display more gravitas? What is gravitas?

I am a young 30’s female WFH and well-regarded. It was the only weakness cited on my recent review.

I do not giggle or upspeak. I don’t flip my hair.

Thank you for your suggestions. What worked for you?

IMO, gravitas comes from 3 things:

1. Subject matter expertise. Your knowledge needs to be comprehensive and authoritative.

2. How you present that expertise (confidently, articulately, efficiently, with bonus for class/education signals).

3. Your personal presentation. Easiest to manage--the only unacceptable approach to appearance or personal presentation is frivolity or undue eagerness (trying too hard).

I once saw a female law firm partner absolutely command a room full of male partners and Fortune 50 execs, despite being by far the least "put together" in wardrobe and appearance.

She dominated them with knowledge and presentation--it was awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Katie Couric didn’t succeed as the anchor person for the evening news because she didn’t have gravitas. She was perfect for the Today Show because she could make people feel good in the morning. But she wasn’t taken seriously during the evening news. Since you work from home think about everything they see and hear. What’s in your background shot, what are you wearing, at the beginning of the meeting are you talking about personal stuff like kids, do your comments get quickly to the point or run on, are you a very young looking 30 and everyone else is older. Like others said, ask the person to define gravitas and give examples so you have something tangible to work on in response.

Perfect example!
Also an example of - you either have it or you don’t. Find the environment where your natural style fits.

[Anonymous]

You don’t either have gravitas or you don’t. It can be learned, of course, and it is a perception in the eye of the beholder. Which is of course why the feedback given in a vague way is so irritating.

I would try to get more specifics even if it is uncomfortable, without seeming defensive. But also realize that some work feedback is just bs and filled with human biases and flaws.

[Anonymous]

It’s a sexist comment that means “you remind me of my wife and I can’t imagine her being in charge here”. As a performance review comment, it should go where “you should smile more” went.

[Anonymous]

Maybe get a career coach?

[Anonymous]

I like how people are automatically assuming this advice is sexist.

I will say that all good feedback should be actionable, and it doesn't sound actionable. so, you have to probe them a bit, because they might just be grasping at the straws.

But here are some examples I can think of:

1. Hesitancy in decision-making.
2. Difficulty in articulating ideas clearly.
3. Reacting impulsively instead of maintaining measure.
4. Inconsistency.
5. Being late to meetings, failing to follow through on commitments...
6. Difficulty in managing pressure.
7. Shifting blame, making excuses, failing to take ownership.
8. Inability to motivate others.
9. Limited strategic thinking. Focusing too much on short-term goals.

So, I don't know. It could mean so many things, and no, I don't think it's necessarily sexist. I think some men lack gravitas too, look at how many terrible leaders there are...