Daughter and dad are getting really close these days and it's quietly bothering me...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about how left out your husband has felt for the last 10 years of her preferring you.

Don't ruin this relationship for them. It's an ebb and flow.

This is spot on.

Also, OP, perhaps you are feeling this way because you are a SAHM to an only child who is in school 7+ hours a day, and you don't have anything else going on in your life, so your whole identity is wrapped up in being a mother, and it's extra tough when your kid prefers the other parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about how left out your husband has felt for the last 10 years of her preferring you.

Don't ruin this relationship for them. It's an ebb and flow.

This is spot on.

Also, OP, perhaps you are feeling this way because you are a SAHM to an only child who is in school 7+ hours a day, and you don't have anything else going on in your life, so your whole identity is wrapped up in being a mother, and it's extra tough when your kid prefers the other parent.

Yeah it would feel bad if I sat around all day waiting for my kid to get home and she just preferred her dad and the dad took her to sports.

I am a SAHM to 3. This makes me want to go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Time to get a job! You are a fixture for your kid and most likely are hovering over her without even noticing it.
- daughter of long term SAHM who used to desperately wish to see a bit less of her mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to get a job! You are a fixture for your kid and most likely are hovering over her without even noticing it.
- daughter of long term SAHM who used to desperately wish to see a bit less of her mom

My mom worked and I used to want to see less of her. We never had a good relationship. Now she is old and has cancer and I have a lot of guilt. I don’t think working status necessarily changes your feelings towards your mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you also going to her activities? Your husband takes her to practices and games. Are you skipping those?

Don't skip everything.
Get to know the other bball parents.
Get involved.
That's great he's involved, many Dads are not doing homework help, around during weekday practices, going to games not the office, or even having conversations with their kids.
Go out with your friends.
Tell spouse to help arrange some 1:1 time with daughter and you. Each parent should have that weekly, not in the same amount but some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this isn't what you'll want to hear, but I would love it if my daughter and husband had something even close to this relationship.

But that said, it sounds like with your husband's work schedule and you being probably the primary parent as a SAHM, your husband is more of the fun parent, while you take on most of the not fun work of parenting.
Are you the one reminding about homework, are you the one who is having her do chores, are you more firm about things? She's probably gravitating towards him because of that.

OP here. Actually my husband is the strict one! That's the odd thing. We always sort of argued about this because I'm more relaxed with her and he's more strict (sleep routine, homework routine, dinner time, making the bed, etc). In terms of being fun we both do things with her and she jokes with me more than she jokes with him. He's a bit more serious. But he is 100% way more strict than I am and she knows it. Years ago I thought him being strict would push her away. In fact his mother thought the same. We talked about it several times. But, she shows him so much affection it's surprising. Is this how daughters look up to dads around this age?

For the other questions, no I don't go to all the practices but I do attend most of the games. He's a great dad in that way. He goes to every single practice and sits in the bench and watches her. It's insane like three days a week then two games during the weekends.

That's weird, and unnecessary to go to every single practice and sit there. We don't see that in our ECNL soccer or AAU basketball or at swim practices. He should have picked up the drills by now or by stopping by the first 30 mins of practice.

Anyhow, soon practices will be every day and intramural teams at school. We never see any parents of any of the 10 kids just sitting there watching a 60-90 minute practice. Maybe once in awhile, they'll watch a bit plus read a computer or book. But this isn't age 5-8 short practices once a week. By age 10-12 practices are 3-4 times a week plus 2 games. car pools are set up, kids want to hang out with their friends not their parent, etc.

Seems like he has pretty relaxed and reliable job if he's out by 5:30 every day, or earlier if practices are before that, plus you are a SAHP, and he's at every practice. That all seems off to me and we've lived with kids in two states now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You put this in relationship forum? What kind of messed up thing is this? is this about DH or your DD?
I thought your DH was a creep at first.

could be a troll post. more than a couple things in it don't make sense.

[Anonymous]

I agree with most advice that this is a phase and it is normal. One on one time together is indeed important. As long as they have a healthy amount of that, which is sounds like, that's normal. However, this is a bit of a warning flag:

"What's even odder is sometimes they'll plan to do things together and if I want to join she sounds surprised. ... I asked to come along and her reaction was almost as if she didn't want me to come along!"

You and DH have to discuss this and agree to be a united front - DD will NOT be consulted about you attending anything, nor be allowed to purposefully exclude you. You should not be asking her permission to be included - you are her mother. A 10-year-old should not be given this much say in her parents'/family relationship to purposefully exclude you.

[Anonymous]

I used to envy my friends that had a close relationship with their fathers. Daddy's girl. So beautiful.

We had two boys. One preferred me, one preferred Dad. My grand daughter LOVES her Grandfather. They text regularly. She's 11. I am very happy they have a tight connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with most advice that this is a phase and it is normal. One on one time together is indeed important. As long as they have a healthy amount of that, which is sounds like, that's normal. However, this is a bit of a warning flag:

"What's even odder is sometimes they'll plan to do things together and if I want to join she sounds surprised. ... I asked to come along and her reaction was almost as if she didn't want me to come along!"

You and DH have to discuss this and agree to be a united front - DD will NOT be consulted about you attending anything, nor be allowed to purposefully exclude you. You should not be asking her permission to be included - you are her mother. A 10-year-old should not be given this much say in her parents'/family relationship to purposefully exclude you.

Well, there is something about the only child dynamic that adds another layer. Going with just dad or just mom enabled her to feel a little more grown up - depending on age, you get to sit in the front seat, help pick the music, etc. I think there is a need there, that is not felt the same as kids with siblings - they always have company in the backseat, a kids-vs-parents dynamic. Only kids don’t have that, & I think crave that one on one time more.

OP, as others have said, you are lucky. Take advantage of it & enjoy some self care, do things for yourself, etc. The tides will turn at some point in the future & you will be back to the favorite. I think just try to keep emotional maturity - you 3 are a family, but you all also have individual relationships. And that is really positive, don’t be jaa way aloud…it all goes up & down over the years.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. No, this isn't a troll post. Not sure how it is. Yes, I'm still a SAHM because thankfully my husband is very successful so I don't need to work.

It does sadden me after all these years of my daughter being attached to me that she's starting to lean more toward her dad. I'm not upset or angry. It's just a feeling of 'awe, she used to do that with me' that's all. You spent almost ten years with your child everyday...you get attached.

To reply to some of the posts: He does stay for every single practice and game. He likes it. I asked him why and for him it's a break from work (he doesn't even play with his phone). He just enjoys watching her play. He was a serious athlete back in the day. Almost made the Olympics in the late 90s. He also likes to watch so he can help her with things she's struggling with during practice. As for me, I thought about going back to work but it's too hard for me after being out of the marketplace for a decade. Everyone has more experience than me, etc.

I was just wondering if this was normal for kids. I know kids always lean toward one parent and me only have one kid I don't see it if I had more. But, it does make me a little sad because she used to be so attached to me. I've also heard about the high school years. Some moms say it's going to be bad, some say not so much. We'll find out. Still have several years to go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to get a job! You are a fixture for your kid and most likely are hovering over her without even noticing it.
- daughter of long term SAHM who used to desperately wish to see a bit less of her mom

Not easy to do! The job market stinks when you've been out for a decade or so.

[Anonymous]

Count your blessings for this situation.

Hopefully he helps her grow up to be a better person than her mom.

[Anonymous]

It's normal and healthy for her. Embrace it and enjoy it. She will grow up to be a better person because of it. Dads are cool. I raised my daughter like a boy and did everything with her from fishing to auto repair until she was old enough to care about girl stuff. She will come around and need you again in the future. Count yourself lucky she won't grow up with Daddy issues.

[Anonymous]

I am very closed to my daughter and we are getting divorced. I am not sad about loosing my wife but I am having sleepless nights over the idea that I won’t get to maker her breakfast every morning, or her showing me her new dance routines every night, or the two of us learning about geography, so many activities.

So OP enjoy this. It’s healthy. She loves you too. Every girl loves her daddy. And we love our daughters too.