Daughter and dad are getting really close these days and it's quietly bothering me...

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. My 14 yo daughter has been the same way. I've been a SAHM for a while and it was just us. Now she is gravitating towards him, even though I've done most of the hands on parenting, discipline, driving to activities, etc.

I think it's normal and I encourage it. We have family things that we do together as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and am a SAHM. Pretty sure all three kids prefer DH over me. I don’t mind.

Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a horribly narcissistic post.

One of the advantages of an anonymous forum is the ability to "talk through" or vent about lesser feelings in order to get perspective. I get your perspective is that OP is being narcissistic, but it's not really all that helpful.

I was having a horribly difficult time in high school and my mom basically said get over yourself. I will never forget it.

Ok, so you found something to be a victim of? You must be young, white and rich.

[Anonymous]

A few things. One, you seem to have wrapped yourself up so entirely in your child's existence (she is 10, you have only one, and you've worked since she's been born?!?) that you're bound to get bent out of shape about this, which isn't good. Two, my mom reacted when my dad and I got closer (she worked but he and I shared a common sport that is very time-consuming) and it drove me further away from her. Being upset that your child is close with a parent is...unhealthy? Three, your kid likely enjoys her dad more because he's not always around. She may be a bit sick of you, honestly. You can be offended by that if you want, but a better response would be to take the time to finally develop yourself as something other than this kid's mom. It'll be better for all of you in the long run.

[Anonymous]

You put this in relationship forum? What kind of messed up thing is this? is this about DH or your DD?
I thought your DH was a creep at first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a horribly narcissistic post.

One of the advantages of an anonymous forum is the ability to "talk through" or vent about lesser feelings in order to get perspective. I get your perspective is that OP is being narcissistic, but it's not really all that helpful.

I was having a horribly difficult time in high school and my mom basically said get over yourself. I will never forget it.

DP, but actually it is. OP is thinking about this from a purely selfish standpoint - how it makes HER feel. Her daughter is obviously enjoying being close to her dad, so why not frame it in terms of how SHE feels? That's not remotely the same thing as your mom telling you to get over yourself. I imagine that hurt a lot and I'm sorry it still haunts you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a horribly narcissistic post.

One of the advantages of an anonymous forum is the ability to "talk through" or vent about lesser feelings in order to get perspective. I get your perspective is that OP is being narcissistic, but it's not really all that helpful.

I was having a horribly difficult time in high school and my mom basically said get over yourself. I will never forget it.

DP, but actually it is. OP is thinking about this from a purely selfish standpoint - how it makes HER feel. Her daughter is obviously enjoying being close to her dad, so why not frame it in terms of how SHE feels? That's not remotely the same thing as your mom telling you to get over yourself. I imagine that hurt a lot and I'm sorry it still haunts you.

Is the mother not allowed to have feelings? You act as if she's suppose to be a robot. Everyone has the right to have feelings.

[Anonymous]

Ask DH to send her to you for some stuff.

[Anonymous]

Its a good thing. As tweens get into teenage-hood they begin to separate from their parents. In your case separation from you is first. Also, a good relationship with her dad will do goo things for her future romantic relationships (if she is cis) and work relationships with men. I am an only child (daughter) and i find it much easier to talk with my dad even now at 40+. He has always been so honest and without subtext and no continuous undercurrent of self improvement that my mom always dished out. None of "you did a good job, but it would have been even better if...". I have a good relationship with my mom but always have to watch what i say or do as ill hear about her opinion if its not what she expects/deems correct. So i can be a lot more honest with my dad.

[Anonymous]

I do all the mental work and planning, but my kids only see the execution part that DH takes part of. So, they think it's all him, when in reality, I plan everything, down to dinner because he doesn't think about it until it's actually dinner time. I meal plan; he executes. TBF he does do the grocery shopping.

I did feel under appreciated and annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and am a SAHM. Pretty sure all three kids prefer DH over me. I don’t mind.

Why is that?

I limit screen time, have kids do chores, do homework, etc. DH is the yes man. I get plenty of time with my kids so it isn’t like I feel jealous of Dh. I may feel differently if I had only 1 kid. Even if the kids prefer Dh, I still have at least a kid with me.

[Anonymous]

It's completely normal. And I don't mean to upset you but be prepared to have a tumultuous relationship with her during the teenage years while he has an easier time of things. Girls and their mothers ... Oi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a horribly narcissistic post.

One of the advantages of an anonymous forum is the ability to "talk through" or vent about lesser feelings in order to get perspective. I get your perspective is that OP is being narcissistic, but it's not really all that helpful.

I was having a horribly difficult time in high school and my mom basically said get over yourself. I will never forget it.

DP, but actually it is. OP is thinking about this from a purely selfish standpoint - how it makes HER feel. Her daughter is obviously enjoying being close to her dad, so why not frame it in terms of how SHE feels? That's not remotely the same thing as your mom telling you to get over yourself. I imagine that hurt a lot and I'm sorry it still haunts you.

Is the mother not allowed to have feelings? You act as if she's suppose to be a robot. Everyone has the right to have feelings.

Sure, she can have feelings. Are her feelings more important that her daughter's feelings when her daughter isn't doing anything wrong here? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its a good thing. As tweens get into teenage-hood they begin to separate from their parents. In your case separation from you is first. Also, a good relationship with her dad will do goo things for her future romantic relationships (if she is cis) and work relationships with men. I am an only child (daughter) and i find it much easier to talk with my dad even now at 40+. He has always been so honest and without subtext and no continuous undercurrent of self improvement that my mom always dished out. None of "you did a good job, but it would have been even better if...". I have a good relationship with my mom but always have to watch what i say or do as ill hear about her opinion if its not what she expects/deems correct. So i can be a lot more honest with my dad.

Oh dear, I have an only DD and I know I do this sometimes. I think I'll try to watch my tongue now.

[Anonymous]

It's normal.

I have two boys and they each have a favorite parent. We go through periods of intense attachment with one parent, then a switch flips and they gravitates more toward the other parent. Like pps said, it ebbs and flows.

Also, some pps mentioned that she's secure in her bond with you so that she may act out or be less well behaved, whereas her bond with her dad is more recent and she's prioritizing that. This also makes sense and is probably the most likely explanation.

All to say, her actions are normal. Your reaction is normal. Just keep the long view and things will change many more times before you know it.