Daughter and dad are getting really close these days and it's quietly bothering me...

[Anonymous]

We have a ten year old daughter and for the longest time she was always closest with me. I'm a SAHM so I've been with her almost nonstop since birthday. In the last 9-12 months I've noticed my daughter being way more affectionate to her dad. It's great. I love it. He works a lot and is a great dad. He spends time with her all the time. But, within the last year I've noticed she will prefer him over me.

A few examples: On weekends when we wake up she'll hug him tight and say good morning. She doesn't even hug me. Anytime she needs help with homework she goes to him. She won't even ask me. She is always more well behaved around him compared to when he is not home. When she comes home from work she always runs and hugs him. If I leave to run errands for a few hours and return I might get a hello or wave? At night right before she goes to sleep she always calls for daddy instead of me to tuck her in. Before it was always me.

It's great she loves her dad and I love they are close because when she was younger she wasn't as close to him. He would be gone for 2-3 days for work and it wasn't a big deal. Now, if he's gone for 2-3 days she will call him or FaceTime him (she has a kid smart watch). I know they are closer now because she's been playing basketball and he takes her to all the practices and games, etc. It's a lot of time during the week. But, a part of me is like 'what the heck am I invisible now' sort of thinking to myself. What's even odder is sometimes they'll plan to do things together and if I want to join she sounds surprised. For instance three weeks ago she had to buy new stuff for her basketball team. So they planned to go to the store on the weekend. I asked to come along and her reaction was almost as if she didn't want me to come along!

We only have one child. Is this normal? I sort of feel left out.

[Anonymous]

It’s normal. Kids go through these phases.

[Anonymous]

Are you also going to her activities? Your husband takes her to practices and games. Are you skipping those?

[Anonymous]

I know this isn't what you'll want to hear, but I would love it if my daughter and husband had something even close to this relationship.

But that said, it sounds like with your husband's work schedule and you being probably the primary parent as a SAHM, your husband is more of the fun parent, while you take on most of the not fun work of parenting.
Are you the one reminding about homework, are you the one who is having her do chores, are you more firm about things? She's probably gravitating towards him because of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this isn't what you'll want to hear, but I would love it if my daughter and husband had something even close to this relationship.

But that said, it sounds like with your husband's work schedule and you being probably the primary parent as a SAHM, your husband is more of the fun parent, while you take on most of the not fun work of parenting.
Are you the one reminding about homework, are you the one who is having her do chores, are you more firm about things? She's probably gravitating towards him because of that.

+1 this sounds plausible.

You should be happy about this, OP. It's important for girls to also have good relationships with their father.

For the longest time, my 15 yr old DD was not close to her dad. It was always me. Then in the last year they became closer, and I am so happy about that.

You should go find something else just for you: work, volunteer, hobby. What are you going to do when your DD leaves home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this isn't what you'll want to hear, but I would love it if my daughter and husband had something even close to this relationship.

But that said, it sounds like with your husband's work schedule and you being probably the primary parent as a SAHM, your husband is more of the fun parent, while you take on most of the not fun work of parenting.
Are you the one reminding about homework, are you the one who is having her do chores, are you more firm about things? She's probably gravitating towards him because of that.

OP here. Actually my husband is the strict one! That's the odd thing. We always sort of argued about this because I'm more relaxed with her and he's more strict (sleep routine, homework routine, dinner time, making the bed, etc). In terms of being fun we both do things with her and she jokes with me more than she jokes with him. He's a bit more serious. But he is 100% way more strict than I am and she knows it. Years ago I thought him being strict would push her away. In fact his mother thought the same. We talked about it several times. But, she shows him so much affection it's surprising. Is this how daughters look up to dads around this age?

For the other questions, no I don't go to all the practices but I do attend most of the games. He's a great dad in that way. He goes to every single practice and sits in the bench and watches her. It's insane like three days a week then two games during the weekends.

[Anonymous]

If he is taking her to practice just the 2 of them, he might be talking to her about school stuff in a way that feels older.

To this day I remember having a moment alone with my dad and he asked why I was sad and I said X boy didn't like me. (6th grade. Stupid, in hindsight.) Dad really strict. And instead of saying something like: You have no business being interested in boys? Or saying something flip, or whatever, he said: You are great and he doesn't know what he's missing.

Silly, but it feels good to be "seen" by the parent that you've not been close to before.

It's new and different and she's enjoying the moment.

[Anonymous]

Normal. Relationships with parents ebb and flow. Be happy they have a strong relationship and she has a good Dad.

[Anonymous]

It might be because you only have 1 kid that you don’t see how kids sometimes gravitate towards a favorite parent? Like I’m closer to my dad, and my brothers are way more affectionate with my mom, although we all get along great generally speaking.

[Anonymous]

What a horribly narcissistic post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this isn't what you'll want to hear, but I would love it if my daughter and husband had something even close to this relationship.

But that said, it sounds like with your husband's work schedule and you being probably the primary parent as a SAHM, your husband is more of the fun parent, while you take on most of the not fun work of parenting.
Are you the one reminding about homework, are you the one who is having her do chores, are you more firm about things? She's probably gravitating towards him because of that.

OP here. Actually my husband is the strict one! That's the odd thing. We always sort of argued about this because I'm more relaxed with her and he's more strict (sleep routine, homework routine, dinner time, making the bed, etc). In terms of being fun we both do things with her and she jokes with me more than she jokes with him. He's a bit more serious. But he is 100% way more strict than I am and she knows it. Years ago I thought him being strict would push her away. In fact his mother thought the same. We talked about it several times. But, she shows him so much affection it's surprising. Is this how daughters look up to dads around this age?

For the other questions, no I don't go to all the practices but I do attend most of the games. He's a great dad in that way. He goes to every single practice and sits in the bench and watches her. It's insane like three days a week then two games during the weekends.

She probably finally has his notice, and she's trying harder to connect with him.

She doesn't need to do that with you because she already knows you are guys are close.

I once read that kids who act out at home but not in school do so because they know what the parents will love them unconditionally, so they feel ok to act out. IMO, your situation is a bit similar in that she already knows you have a close relationship so she doesn't need to do anything else, whereas, her relationship with her father is only recently close so she needs to continue to cultivate it.

That's my internet therapy, free of charge.

[Anonymous]

Think about how left out your husband has felt for the last 10 years of her preferring you.

Don't ruin this relationship for them. It's an ebb and flow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a horribly narcissistic post.

One of the advantages of an anonymous forum is the ability to "talk through" or vent about lesser feelings in order to get perspective. I get your perspective is that OP is being narcissistic, but it's not really all that helpful.

I was having a horribly difficult time in high school and my mom basically said get over yourself. I will never forget it.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids and am a SAHM. Pretty sure all three kids prefer DH over me. I don’t mind.

[Anonymous]

Work on your relationship with your DH, OP, plan weekly date nights and have a standing sitter. That will help you feel less lonely. Sometimes do things with other couples.

Both you and DH prioritizing your marriage is one of the greatest gifts you can give your DD.