Boyfriend keeps praising me for being “easy.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is probably about his ex or prior relationships generally-- you may just be a better fit.

I do think it's worth it to ask him though. I have dated guys who praised me a lot for being "chill" or easy to get along with, who then bailed at the first disagreement. Only he really knows what he means by this. Could be he likes how self-sufficient you are. Could also be that he has no conflict resolution skills and likes that there's no conflict. I'd ask.

This is what I was thinking too. He’s praising it because he likes things to be easy, which, fair enough, who doesn’t. But if you combine your life more it may not stay these easy so I wouldn’t want a relationship dynamic that was largely based on me making someone else’s life easy. I don’t know that there’s much you can do besides keep being yourself and really pay attention to how he handles situations where you aren’t “easy” or possibly ask something of him, which is part of being in a relationship that is more serious

OP. Right. This is my concern. Hard things happen, relationships have hard moments and conflicts. What if he wants it to stay easy.

I'm the one above who thinks this is about his past experiences but also am wary of guys who are too enamored with me being "chill." I would ask him.

You seem really straightforward as a person so I'd stick with that approach and just say, "Hey I've noticed you often refer to me as 'easy' and I was wondering what you meant by that." I would also start a conversation with him about past relationships. Obviously you can decide how much you want to share regarding your prior abusive relationship, but I think opening the door to talking about the baggage you both bring to the relationship (and you both have baggage, even if he claims he doesn't -- everyone with a past has some baggage) might help you figure out a bit more about both how he views you and what he's looking for in a relationship.

I think it's smart of you to be thinking about whether he is prepared for the normal ups and downs of a healthy relationship, given your history and the fact that you have kids. Good luck, I hope he just means he finds it easy to hang out with you or that you guys seem to be on the same page.

[Anonymous]

You need to ask what he means by that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a different take: you said you're not that available. So he feels no pressure to spend that much time with you. That makes it easy.

He wants more of me. He’s talking about cohabiting and future plans.

guys * talk * about personal plans a lot. I learned to laugh internally

[Anonymous]

Drama free, especially if you don't involve your other life with him!

[Anonymous]

I think you might be borrowing trouble, OP. Your neurotic reaction to this, however, is certainly ironic.

[Anonymous]

yes agree . I had this same thought
He is in for … surprizzzzz

[Anonymous]

I think you should ask him. Also give the relationship a lot more time before you make any commitments. It could mean he isn’t going to be supportive when you encounter struggles or that he won’t be open to compromise if there’s anything you don’t want to be “easy” about. Or that he’s not interested in anything more than a low-commitment relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t play games.

This. Easy is that you are self reliant, aren't demanding or passive-aggressive whiny and say it like it is.

You are the no-drama woman that men mention they want, but the crusty women on DCUM seem to read into is as passive woman or permissible woman that feeds a manchild's ego.

BTW, I am an the same way and it took me a while to figure out what this all meant.

[Anonymous]

So easy you won't ask him what he meant.

[Anonymous]

You put out without a lot of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I said this to my then newish girlfriend (now wife). She thought, for a time, that I meant "easy to bed." What I meant was that there was less tension, drama, friction than my previous relationships. "Easy-going." And for a time that was the case (although she's anything but easygoing, as I found out, but that's a different story).

Um, women are not easy going. We spend most of worrying or thinking about reproduction, we build babies, which is a pain in the ass. After than we have to keep the infants alive. This causes a lot of stress. Around 40, we are pissed when we reflect back and think, “WTF, I was top of my class. Why didn’t I reach all of my professional goals, yet.” We stress about our kids and yours.

This is me and all many of my friends. This is me and many of my friends. I love men. They are not easy either.

And you are NOT easy going woman, but a bitter, chip on your shoulder woman. The exact opposite of OP. I had a kid and have reached mu goals because I took the things that life threw at me as a challenge to be accepted and not a some conspiracy that is meant to beat me down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was described that way. After time they think they can get away with things because, well “you are easy”. You won’t cause a problem or get too angry —abs if you do it will blow over.

Guys like it, and many will take advantage of your easy-going nature.

OP does not have an easy going nature, read again what she wrote. She has a no BS nature which is what makes her easy to get along with. He doesn't have to guess or walk on eggshells.

She and I have similar outlooks it sounds like. I speak my mind and won't be taken advantage of and say as much.

Takes out the drama, games and guessing that drives normal well balanced people bonkers.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he’s grooming you. He’s grooming you to be a yes woman and submissive.


You have a bad-choice-history be careful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You put out without a lot of work.

I love sex with the right man. One of the things that makes him the right man is that he doesn’t stop courting me, without being asked. He takes me out for dinner, walks me to my car, holds doors, does big and little thoughtful things, helps me unasked, likes cooking together and doesn’t expect me to cater or wait on him, yet brings me coffee in the morning; gives me hourlong massages just because, spends appropriately on special occasions, gives thoughtful gifts, and celebrates birthdays/holidays as I’d want him to without being told, reminded or asked. I’m work, but he does it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he’s grooming you. He’s grooming you to be a yes woman and submissive.


You have a bad-choice-history be careful

Thanks but he is the antithesis of this.